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  1. #16
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    Feb 2005
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    I notice this more and more. Not so much at my gym, since I rarely go to anything other than the 5:30 AM boot camp, but around town, there's this sub set of 35-50 y/o moms who all have the same look, which involves wearing athletic apparel and a cap all day, a certain tone of voice, and the inability to envision exercising outside, except for running.
    Seriously, these people act like they are still in middle school. There is one who occasionally comes to my boot camp class. One day, our regular instructor was not there and when she saw a sub, she had a melt down, started whining and getting really agitated saying that she was going to have to "not eat all day" because she wasn't going to burn enough calories. It was scary to see and I thought I was going to have to go into professional mode.
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  2. #17
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Uncanny Valley
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    14,501
    As someone who sweats a lot I just had to address this:
    Quote Originally Posted by rebeccaC View Post
    If I sweated a lot I’d be especially conscience of it in close exercise contact with others.
    It seems to me that in a class setting, we are there to sweat. Now we all have encountered people who freak out at the first droplet, but IMO, in a workout class, they're the ones with the problem, not me. Sweating is partly genetics but mostly a sign of a high level of fitness! Outside of the gym/race/ride it might be another thing - there have definitely been times I felt like I could go into Home Depot but NOT food shopping on my way back from a run - but in the gym or studio, as long as I'm wearing something absorbent enough that I'm not giving everyone else a shower, and as long as I wipe off the floor and/or equipment when I'm done, sweating is why we are all there.

    Harrumph.
    Speed comes from what you put behind you. - Judi Ketteler

  3. #18
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
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    13,394
    I agree with the above. And my next response is if they are freaked out by sweat, why are they there?!!!
    I have a friend who "hates to sweat." Unfortunately, she's had health consequences because of this attitude. She won't even go on a walk with me.
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  4. #19
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    pacific NW
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    1,038
    Quote Originally Posted by salsabike View Post
    And then keep on keeping on. I wonder if that woman has done 6 STPs. Or is it more than 6?
    I tell myself that with alarming frequency. I think it is more than 6.
    Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.
    I suspect the main problem those ladies had with me was of their own self image: How can you continue to think you are exceptional when there is a lady carrying what amounts to a whole extra person who can match or better your efforts?
    Thanks for all the support, everyone.
    Last edited by lauraelmore1033; 03-24-2015 at 06:36 AM.

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  5. #20
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Western Canada-prairies, mountain & ocean
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    Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.
    I'm sorry you had to drop a class that was benefitting you physically. The studio owner has to state her "philosophy"/values ..to new student/learning groups at beginning of a course. Hope you find something else..outside of cycling, which is always a good thing for cross-training.

    In reading this whole thread, I feel like a 56-yr. girl baby: I've been protected/cushioned from all this sort of female fitness cliquish dynamics!

    Mind you, the cycling world has its own cliques which I never paid much attention...which is why I continue cycle a lot on my own, with just my partner or a good friend occasionally. I think my cycling confidence would have been shattered a long time ago because I didn't have as powerful legs as others, fantastic lungpower, etc.

    I am an outlier in many ways...I don't even get together with all-female friends for a girls' night out...'cause my best friends are scattered across Canada. So in exercise classes (only 3 I've taken in last 15 yrs.), I don't even socialize with hardly anyone. Just went there to learn and then leave.

    Have I been bullied....yes, racial and ethnic. So we have our own thing...which we cannot change but reject those who are toxic.
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  6. #21
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    california
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    lauraelmore…..hoping you find a truly supportive, knowledgeable and caring instructor/class in the near future!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Muirenn View Post
    This is why, in my first response to this thread, that I recommended just saying they should be ashamed of their behavior, rather than politely saying may I speak with you? and then discussing. Just...announce that their behavior is unacceptable, then refuse to engage further.

    I'm not certain tears are a bad thing. That might make a few of them feel guilty.
    I guess I prefer to try for a positive learning moment first, makes me feel better about it no matter the outcome……and because of a grandmother who had mastered using guilt I don’t see much value in it.
    Last edited by rebeccaC; 03-24-2015 at 10:09 AM.
    ‘The negative feelings we all have can be addictive…just as the positive…it’s up to
    us to decide which ones we want to choose and feed”… Pema Chodron

  7. #22
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Pacific Northwest
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    534
    Quote Originally Posted by lauraelmore1033 View Post
    I tell myself that with alarming frequency. I think it is more than 6.
    Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.
    I suspect the main problem those ladies had with me was of their own self image: How can you continue to think you are exceptional when there is a lady carrying what amounts to a whole extra person who can match or better your efforts?
    Thanks for all the support, everyone.
    I am so sorry this happened to you lauraelmore, you don't deserve to be treated that way. That was a great point made Salsa... I'm guessing those candy @sses would as soon participate in the Seattle to Portland ride as they would fly to the moon.. and in the times you did it in too. Bravo to you for being brave to go to this class in the first place. I am no skinny minny either these days and extremely introverted in new situations like this. I would never join a gym class. Going to a small beginning yoga class was hard enough for me, I felt (and still feel) so inadequate and clumsy! I would probably do the same thing you did, just quit the class, maybe find another friendlier place to be. I would THINK lots of things to say, but never find the nerve to say it out loud.
    "Don't go too fast, but I go pretty far"

  8. #23
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Traveling Nomad
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    6,763
    So sorry that you had to quit the studio! Glad to hear that the owner was angry about it, though. Maybe there's another barre class in your area you could try? I've always thought that looked like an interesting workout as we lived very near a "Pure Barre" in NC, but prices were high, so I never tried a class.
    Emily

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  9. #24
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    May 2013
    Location
    california
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muirenn View Post
    And yet, this comment makes me feel guilty. Actually, it makes me feel bad.
    why?.....it's just two things i've learned about myself and a different way of dealing with it
    ‘The negative feelings we all have can be addictive…just as the positive…it’s up to
    us to decide which ones we want to choose and feed”… Pema Chodron

  10. #25
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Marin County CA
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    I think it completely stinks that you gave up something that you enjoyed and was healthy for you because of those trolls. I'm so sorry.
    Sarah

    When it's easy, ride hard; when it's hard, ride easy.


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  11. #26
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    northern Virginia
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    Quote Originally Posted by lauraelmore1033 View Post
    I tell myself that with alarming frequency. I think it is more than 6.
    Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.
    I suspect the main problem those ladies had with me was of their own self image: How can you continue to think you are exceptional when there is a lady carrying what amounts to a whole extra person who can match or better your efforts?
    Thanks for all the support, everyone.
    Since the class has been helpful to you and the owner supports you, I think you should remain open to rejoining at some point. You have as much right to be there as any other member.

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  12. #27
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    2,545
    Yuck. I am so sorry this happened to you. It's fun to talk about confronting them, but I probably wouldn't do it either. I don't blame you for leaving, and I am very glad you told the owner what happened.

    As I grow older, I am astonished at how many people never outgrow this type of cliquish behavior.

  13. #28
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Indianapolis, Indiana
    Posts
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    I am so sorry that you had to quit, but glad to hear you told the owner the real reason why. This behavior is one of the main reasons I won't try more traditional group training classes, I've been around this in the past and it is depressing.

  14. #29
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Western Canada-prairies, mountain & ocean
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    6,984
    Quote Originally Posted by PamNY View Post
    As I grow older, I am astonished at how many people never outgrow this type of cliquish behavior.
    Maybe it comes with recognizing our own frailities over time. Well, one would hope...
    My Personal blog on cycling & other favourite passions.
    遙知馬力日久見人心 Over a long distance, you learn about the strength of your horse; over a long period of time, you get to know what’s in a person’s heart.

  15. #30
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
    Posts
    13,394
    Murienn, don't feel guilty! I would confront them, too. People like this don't feel badly about their behaviors until you call them on it. Let them feel guilty. They caused a grown woman to quit something she loved because of their bullying. It's no different than if they were in middle school.
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