Saying nothing, not doing much is abit difficult

[PamNY]

Piano tuners?? I don't want to get off topic, but would love to hear THAT story someday.

Me too.

[malkin]

The Tuners and Technicians forum over at Pianoworld.com can get pretty heated, even though most of the regulars there are sensible, down to earth types who are helpful with all the mechanical stuff about pianos. Even on a boring day, the thread titles are funny, but maybe that is just my twisted little mind. You decide, here are a few from the first page this morning:

Bobbling When Hard Blow
Prout's and Chris Leslie's Beaters
Overpull, then ?

The funny Craigslist listings are always entertaining too.

[PamNY]

Bobbling When Hard Blow
Prout's and Chris Leslie's Beaters
Overpull, then ?

That's almost a poem.

[salsabike]

I’m going to pull it back to serious for a minute, because my experience here is that disagreements are often quickly suppressed here by topic change or levity. I always think that’s a bit of a diss for the people who raised serious concerns. I agreed with Oak, PamNY, Blueberry, Muirenn, etc. If you post an implied criticism of a friend’s weight on a public forum where fitness is a focus, you can probably anticipate there will be some pushback.

To answer shootingstar’s question of what would you say when an overweight friend mentions detox diets: I would say, “Let me know how it works if you try it” and leave it there. If she wants or needs your help, she will ask for it.

I think I'll go look at the piano tuners' forum.

PS And by "my experience here", I meant TE occasionally over time--not this thread.

[Crankin]

I was just being honest. I know people will disagree with what I said, but all of this discussion is nothing compared to what I hear being spoken in real life. Let's face it, people are judged all of the time on physical appearance. You may disagree with this, but it happens all the time in the business world.
If a close friend asked my advice about a diet, etc. that I thought sounded unsafe, or just nothing that would help, I would tell exactly what I thought. If I hear something like this from acquaintances or in a work situation with colleagues, I keep my mouth shut. If I am asked point blank about how I stay fit/thin/whatever, from someone I don't know that well, I laugh and say "healthy eating and riding my bike, no magic."

[Veronica]

I know I can be very judgmental about others' weight. I think my judgement is clouded by the poor health of my siblings which is almost entirely weight related. And I don't want to lose any of them prematurely.



I am the only person in the picture not taking blood pressure medication. My oldest sister insisted for years it was genetic and just a matter of time for me. My check up in June it was 114/64. There's been knee replacements for one sister already. Another one is facing it. One brother is borderline diabetic. He's a truck driver and will lose his job if he goes on insulin. He'd lost 25 pounds in 4 months when this was taken in April. He checks his blood sugar daily and was struggling to keep it down while visiting.

I try to remember that while I know my siblings health history, I don't know that of every person I see. I know there are all sorts of things that make us who we are and lots of factors that go in to weight. If a person is happy, it really should not matter to anyone else what they look like. But in the case of my siblings, I care.

They all whined about getting into position for that photo.

Veronica

[Blueberry]

I was just being honest. I know people will disagree with what I said, but all of this discussion is nothing compared to what I hear being spoken in real life. Let's face it, people are judged all of the time on physical appearance. You may disagree with this, but it happens all the time in the business world.

Crankin - I didn't think you were out of line in this thread - I was just pointing out that sometimes lifestyle and weight don't match. I think we agree on that point. I agree 100% about judgment on personal experience. I know for a fact I have been a victim of it. I have significant interviews coming up this fall and I'm worried about it. One friend (just before feeding me a very unhealthy dinner I picked at and ate salad when I got home) very unhelpfully stated that I would likely not be accepted into the programs I'm interviewing for because of my weight. I just hope that others can be a bit more aware of it, and try not to make assumptions and judgments.

Veronica- You are a constant source of inspiration to me. I appreciate those who a) know all of the facts (as you do with your siblings) and b) truly care about the health issues (as you obviously do). I think that's rare, sadly.

For the record, I haven't given up because I know my weight is bad for me. I am constantly tweaking and trying to figure out what else might help (different exercise, more exercise, different balances of nutrients, etc.). Specific helpful advice is always welcome. Gross generalizations about one choice without taking the time to know more are not.

I hope I get to meet both of you in real life one day.

[Veronica]

I hope I get to meet both of you in real life one day.

Thank you! That made my day. I've met Crankin. She is pretty cool.

Veronica

[Crankin]

Thanks, Blueberry and Veronica! I tend to be pretty pragmatic. My mantra (from long before I became a therapist) is "there's always a reason for behavior." This may not apply in all cases, but I think it speaks to the fact that we can't always see what's behind what we actually see. My life has not been perfect and I am scared to death of heart disease, even though it does not run in my family. It's been a prime motivator for me, since I was in my 30s. And, after my DH had his stents put in, we really upped the ante in terms of lifestyle, even though the year he had the surgery, he rode 4,000 miles! It's made both of my kids supremely aware of this issue.
Veronica, we went to Maurizio's last Sunday; first time we've been there since we went with you and Thom. Really good, but not as much fun.

[malkin]

I don't think anyone was out of line anywhere in this thread.

I've been pondering the phrase "out of control" all afternoon, and I think clearly the thread is out of control in a good way. If one person or one opinion were in control of a discussion or a conversation, it would be boring. So no one controlled the conversation and it is interesting.

However, each of us remained "in control" of our own stuff. People were calm and rational. Some posts made some posters uncomfortable and they expressed their discomfort.

Okay, I may have been the teensiest bit random, off topic, and possibly humorous, but you all must know by now that I am benign and easily ignored.


Veronica: The family pics are wonderful!!

[salsabike]

I don't think anyone was out of line anywhere in this thread.

I've been pondering the phrase "out of control" all afternoon, and I think clearly the thread is out of control in a good way. If one person or one opinion were in control of a discussion or a conversation, it would be boring. So no one controlled the conversation and it is interesting.

However, each of us remained "in control" of our own stuff. People were calm and rational. Some posts made some posters uncomfortable and they expressed their discomfort.

Yep, this is also how I see it.

[tulip]

Crankin - I didn't think you were out of line in this thread - I was just pointing out that sometimes lifestyle and weight don't match. I think we agree on that point. I agree 100% about judgment on personal experience. I know for a fact I have been a victim of it. I have significant interviews coming up this fall and I'm worried about it. One friend (just before feeding me a very unhealthy dinner I picked at and ate salad when I got home) very unhelpfully stated that I would likely not be accepted into the programs I'm interviewing for because of my weight. I just hope that others can be a bit more aware of it, and try not to make assumptions and judgments.

Veronica- You are a constant source of inspiration to me. I appreciate those who a) know all of the facts (as you do with your siblings) and b) truly care about the health issues (as you obviously do). I think that's rare, sadly.

For the record, I haven't given up because I know my weight is bad for me. I am constantly tweaking and trying to figure out what else might help (different exercise, more exercise, different balances of nutrients, etc.). Specific helpful advice is always welcome. Gross generalizations about one choice without taking the time to know more are not.

I hope I get to meet both of you in real life one day.

I have met Blueberry in person and I can attest that she is beautiful inside and out. Crankin and Veronica, I hope you get to have the same honor to meet her as I have. (BTW, Blueberry, next time I'm in town, we should go over the new bike bridge!)

[Veronica]

Thanks, Thom's a good photographer. You know I was amazed at how well we all got along and how much I enjoyed their company. There's been some friction between my siblings over the years, but age seems to be tempering it. It's been several years since we've all been together. I hope we don't wait so long for the next one.

Veronica

[Wahine]

Veronica- You are a constant source of inspiration to me. I appreciate those who a) know all of the facts (as you do with your siblings) and b) truly care about the health issues (as you obviously do). I think that's rare, sadly.

I hope I get to meet both of you in real life one day.

I got to meet V. in person this summer and she is as beautiful IRL as she is here on the forum, inside and out.

As for the topic at hand, I see this as a healthy discussion with many varying opinions. It's why I keep coming back to TE. As Salsa said, if you voice an opinion here, you should be prepared to be challenged. That's what's great about this forum. Opinions can be discussed without malice.

[shootingstar]

The Internet may tend to skew a person to be viewed in a particular way because after all, is cycling oriented does tend to chat up about health, fitness matter.

For what it's worth about the context of my remarks in this thread:
My good friend thanked me for getting her azz back on her bike (her words) after our short enjoyable rides. She has 3 bikes. Has loaned one of them to a newbie to get person more into cycling. Then she and I went into a judgemental (probably is) chat where she was concerned about another good friend, a strong outspoken engineer from our city who loves to kayak, etc. , who recently converted to Islam during her work stint in Dubai after meeting a Syrian guy. Friend has dropped out of her career..for the UN and plans to be a housewife in Dubai... Good friend wonders how well her new Islam converted friend will adjust to a completely different lifestyle where women don't have the same equal rights as in North America. Except for ex-pats it might be different.

Anyway... hanging out with good friend is fun. She is also dedicated to her job on supporting cycling infrastructure and alternate mobility options..to a point on personal time, she is taking photos of key, under-discussion cycling infrastructure whenever she and I are walking or cycling around in the evenings. Like other paid staff, they don't have always have much time to take photos of cycling infrastructure at every key stage, and also hope there are cyclists 24x7 on the infrastructure for photos needed for reports, presentations, public education, etc.

So I give some stuff from my massive digital personal photo collection.

Blueberry I don't know what program you are applying for which other friends commented in a discouraging way. When a sister entered medical school, it never occurred to me she shouldn't or she somehow would have to contend with impressions of some patients or whoever, with her weight as a physician. She did lose 50 lbs. temporarily for a few years and then regained abit after having 2 children when she became a mother after 35 yrs. She does her thing...jogs, pilates, etc. She also advises parents as a doctor, to try feeding at least 5-10 times a veggie, prepared in different ways to their child to like eating a broad range of veggies, etc. early in life. She cares about her own health but knowing her, she also doesn't waste time worrying much what others think.

My mother, who has never completed high school (I disagree that many uneducated/low income folks eat unhealthy. They can be inventive and healthy.), yet she has fed her family of 6 children and hubby, healthy home meals for over 60 years. Yet, when you look at her, you wouldn't know it: high blood pressure controlled by drugs for last 2 decades, moderately overweight (she has been warned by doctor)....due to stress of putting her family first vs. herself, adjustments for a long time living in a English speaking society, etc. The end result (though they have lost 1 daughter), is 5 adult children who have no cardiovascular problems, arthritis yet. We range from 45-55 yrs.

True after leaving parents and forging our own lives, living in our own homes, we eat whatever we felt like. But seems we can't shake off completely, what my mother gave to us...a very long lasting legacy of few healthy family dishes.

For certain, we are so grateful we don't have to tell our elderly parents, now with a dying father, how to eat healthy, etc.