In-Law Woes

[Veronica]

Thom's family, including his parents, only call us when they want something. We only hear from his parents when they want computer or camera advice and they have told his aunts and uncles to call him whenever they have computer troubles. His mom has ten brothers and sisters. He doesn't mind helping them, but it bugs me that we NEVER hear from them otherwise. Plus they always call at our dinner time because of the time difference. And it really cuts into our time together because of his commute. During the week I only see him for like an hour before work and and an hour after.

It's not like they are horrible people, just somewhat inconsiderate and needy.

Veronica

[Crankin]

Don't answer the phone?
You won't change them. Call back, if you do, when you want.
Hey, mine only called to tell us what to do . My FIL was a terrible person, with untreated mental health issues and an abuser when DH was young. MIL was better after he died, but by then, she was already not herself from medical issues. It all could have been avoided if she had had help (which she refused) when he got sick. They were both young-ish when they died, and I can't say that DH was sad. Some people think this is very cold, but some people just shouldn't be parents, especially parents of 4 kids. He was much closer to my family.

[lph]

How about answering "Sorry, I don't have time to fix this over the phone, but how about you invite us to dinner and I'll look at your computer then?"

I have a super-helpful computer-techy dh too... But he's getting better at asking for help himself for other things, and making a point about how it's great to "trade knowledge". Or asking if they've already called support (they never have, but at least it plants the idea that it's possible).

[tulip]

+1 for just don't answer the phone. You can't change people, but you can decide how to react to them.

[Wasp]

Lopsided relationships with family sucks. We only hear from my brother-in-law and or his wife when they want something from us or need us to do something for them. We call them back now only when we have the time. We tried not calling them back at all, but then they complained to the in-laws and we didn't want to cause the in-laws any grief as they are now in there 80's, so we went back to answering the phone......but not every time they call.

[Blueberry]

So much sympathy! To echo what others have said, we make judicious use of call screening. It has done wonders for our sanity!!

[Pax]

+1 for just don't answer the phone. You can't change people, but you can decide how to react to them.

Yup. I stopped answering my phone the day mom died, if anyone wants to reach me they can leave a message or send me a text, I get back to them when I'm ready to. It took friends and family a few days to adjust, but now if they are calling to get together or do something, they know to do it in advance. It is VERY freeing to have walked away from that electronic ball and chain.

[ACG]

Ditto to not answering phone. Boundries are very important. I love caller ID!
My mom does this all the time. If she can't get us on the house phone, she calls the cell.

It is hard not to answer the phone the first time, but it does get easier after a while.

And what is more important? Your time together? or someone else's computer?

[colorisnt]

My sister has a tendency to do this.

When I need support and help, she can't even be bothered to text me back most of the time but if SHE needs something I get a text, facebook message, and phone call. She's the youngest, so I think a lot of it has to do with my parents always tending to her with a drop of the hat and me doing the same. We've kind of created a monster in that way. She's a good kid and I love her very much, don't get me wrong, sometimes it's just very stressful and I just can't. On those times, I have learned NOT to pick up or respond and to only get back when I feel like it unless it's an emergency. I am usually the first person she calls in those situations but at those times, I respond.

If it's about wedding planning for an engagement that ISN'T happening, I tend not to respond or to respond later. I would say don't pick up. But your husband is also going to have to be on board. My SO's ex-wife calls a lot just to yell obscenities at him or disrupt our evening. She also has a tendency to call the cops when she can't get ahold of us. It's incredibly embarrassing and frustrating for him and because they have kids, he kind of has to vet the calls but he's told her if she can't leave a message or send a text about what it's about and we are in the middle of something, he can't possibly know it's an emergency to call back for.