Totally lost the desire to ride!

[kajero]

Last year I bught my new Ruby Specialized carbon road bike. I coulldn't get enough riding in.

This year it seems the last thing I want to do is get out and ride. I have no interest in making the effort to even get the bike out. We even bought me a Garmin Edge 500 hoping that would help. But seems I just don't care.

I am having serious problems at work and seem to be really depressed. I doubt these problems will clear up anytime soon. I think this may be a big part of it. I just can't let it go.
I am under doctor's care right now and on medication.

So how do I get the desire to ride back?

[Bike Writer]

That's a good question and I experienced something similar this year. I've had a bout with depression coupled with having had open heart surgery in the fall and missed out on last years fall riding season. Both of those things contributed to a much more than usual sedentary winter. I rode my trainer some but not what I should have. Consequently I lost a lot of fitness and added lots of pounds. That depressed me even more. I had to kick myself in the butt to get out the door. I was so angry at having lost so much hard gained ground that I was taking it out on myself. All I can say is that pushing myself has had its reward. My fitness level is improving by leaps and bounds and slowly the pounds are coming off. Yes, I'm angry that I caused all this myself, but the upside is that I am back in control, I forgave myself and told myself that this is a lesson to be learned and that time will pass whether I choose to work on fitness or not. By continuing to work on fitness and regaining lost ground I will be in a better place three months down the road than if I had chosen not to.

In the mean time, I've fallen in love all over again with my bike. It's become my friend and helper again and not my enemy.

Sometimes we just have to push through stuff.

[ny biker]

Everyone's situation is different, but I think many of us go through phases where we're rather do something else (or nothing at all...).

I needed a break this past winter, initially because I just wanted to focus on other activities for a while, then because I was very busy at work, putting in extra hours and just generally angry at a new manager who wastes my time and treats me like an idiot. Things finally calmed down last month and the weather finally warmed up enough to ride comfortably in the evening after work, and I was reminded after my first post-work ride of the year how happy I feel after a nice bike ride.

In your case, it sounds like you need to focus on your health first. Hopefully the medication will start to help. Then maybe try a short ride or two, and see how you feel.

[shootingstar]

Bike Writer gives good thoughts to ponder over.

It's hard at times in life to push ourselves. I ask myself why don't I just join up cycling groups to meet others, etc. I guess I will. There have been some hard times personally in the past few years and if it weren't for my partner who already knew this city (because he lived here for 2 years some time ago) when moved here, I doubt I would have enjoyed anything related to cycling here because the city is more sprawly and has a less developed cycling infrastructure compared to other cities where I've lived.

I've needed space and privacy to grieve, to adjust to major life changes and to a city that culturally, politically, is different from where I used to live. And there's every indication there will be more major changes for myself within the next few years.

I do view cycling as a health saviour, health insurance, etc. during such times for myself. It is not the only thing, because when I can't cycle I have other passions to pursue. I hope Kajero you have a non-cycling passion that you pursue at this time. Then later, you can simply jump onto the bike and go for an errand, just because your heart felt like it and ...because it's easy to do errands on bike. It's not the cycling accomplished, it's the errand, the shopping, bank, etc. whatever you need to get done to live.

[thekarens]

Maybe find someone to ride socially with and do "fun" easy going rides as opposed to training or what I call fitness rides.

Depression sucks and will suck the life out of you, I know. Personally it helped when I forced myself to do stuff, but Lord was it hard.

[Theresse]

I get it, I've been there, and I'm sorry you're going through this. In some of the harder times I feel like cocooning and don't want to go out into the "world' as much. I'm wondering if you could sorta re-bond with your bike by buying one of those contraptions that turns your bike into a stationary exercise bike? Maybe you could ride like that while you watch TV or listen to music. Just a thought. Good luck.

[OakLeaf]

((((((kajero)))))) I think the 5 cent answer to whether it's the depression or something else is, do you still enjoy doing OTHER things you used to like, or is it only the bike?

If you're having trouble enjoying anything at all, then it probably is worth GENTLY pushing yourself a little bit (but never, ever beating yourself up about it when you choose not to ride). And mentioning it to your doctor (I hope you're getting talk therapy as well as medication).

If everything else seems as attractive as ever, but the bike doesn't call to you, then there's nothing wrong with taking a break for as long as it takes until it sounds like fun again.

[Crankin]

I went through this a few years ago, when I was struggling with some physical things as well as career decisions. I've also experienced the regular waxing and waning of my motivation for riding. The thing that helped me during the struggle was trying some "lighter" forms of exercise and trying new things that I thought might help. So, while I didn't ride for a whole fall, I walked outside and I did yoga. A few times, I actually rode to yoga. By the spring, I was riding again, but with no expectation of speed or distance. When summer came, I did a lot of destination rides, like errands, to local farms or the natural foods store. This somehow connected me to things that I hadn't experienced before. I also did most of those rides on my hybrid, not my road bike. My speed was way down, but I didn't care. Last year, I ended up riding less miles than in the past 2 years, I think because the winter had been so warm and I rode through the winter. I did not do this this past winter, and I have a much better attitude.

[IBrakeforPastry]

I go through this too, sometimes. I have lots of exercise videos and many times it's just easier and faster to just workout at home, rather than get all the gear together (clothes, shoes, helmet, water, etc). Sometimes it's physical laziness, sometimes psychological (for me). I don't know how often you ride, but maybe you just need a break from it?

When I'm in one of these slumps, I like to ride my bike to the store, or library - anyplace within a few miles so I won't be gone for long, and I actually have a purpose. I don't need the gear - I just go. Sometimes that little taste perks me up and then sometimes I'll ride around the block a few more times just for fun. I hope you feel better soon!

[kajero]

Thank you so much for all the wonderful advice and suggestions. I thought I was only one on this board who was going through this . . . else why would you post here. Anyway, I understand my situation a lot better than I did thanks to all your replies. I wish I could say more about work but it is the Internet. If anyone wants to contact me via email, perhaps I could explain more.

I am under psychiatrist's care and am on medication as well going to talk therapy. I know I am suffering from major depression. I have had serious episodes in the past but was doing quite well until all this work stuff started. I finally latched on to an excellent therapist. Among other things at work, she pointed out that I still may be grieving for my father who passed away last August. That's kind of a long time to grieve, but maybe she is right.

I don't have too many other interests. I do some sewing and listen to Audio Books. I also read a lot. I know I need to do something physical, but biking was thing I loved. I have trouble finding enjoyment in any other type of activity. I have a membership in a local health club but for the last four months, all I have done is paid the monthly dues. :-(

Thanks again for all the wonderful advice. Actually, what would make me happy right now would be to go biking on a hybrid and do errands. I have tried doing that on the road bike using a backpack but it wasn't all that enjoyable. I used to do errands using my old hybrid, but I hate that bike. It's the one I had the serious crash on and I don't like to ride it. It's too big and, once I rode the road and knew how comfortable riding could be, I don't like to get on that bike!

[IBrakeforPastry]

Oh gosh - I lost my father last August, also. I sometimes feel I haven't started grieving yet. I live about 5 hours from my parents' home so it seems like we'll just catch up next time I visit. Then it hits me. He was one of my biggest fans, whether I took a 2-hour bike ride, or a 2-week voyage, it was always "Go! Have a great time, and take lots of pictures!"

Sorry to throw all that in there. I'm going "home" for a family visit tomorrow, so it's really on my mind. I think you definitely need to get through that first year with all the holidays, birthdays, and special occasions.

Take care - I'm glad you found a good therapist.

[kajero]

Well, after reading all the posts, I forced myself to go for a ride. I have the day off and it is gorgeous out. So my SO and I went out for 2.24 mile ride. I know it wasn't much but I DID IT. I really did like it although it still wasn't enjoyable as last year. Probably because I am so out of shape and I keep thinking about work -- Although your supportive words crept into my thinking a lot of the time and seemd to block out all thougts of work. Just knowing so many of you have been there and were able to overcome it really motivated me. Wait until my therapist hears that! She has been trying to find ways to help me let go of work thoughts.

Last year my longest ride was 63 miles. It's hard to accept I can only go a little over 2 miles, before getting winded and tired, but it did feel good to ride. Hopefully as I keep thinking of all you who have been where I am I will get back in the groove. In the meantime, I am so thankful for your advice and for the blessings of having your support.

[ny biker]

That's great!! Every journey starts with that first small step...

[OakLeaf]

Glad you got out!

And +1 on looking for a hybrid that fits you better. Tooling around on my errand bike is a WHOLE different trip than the roadie, and when motivation is low, it's so much less of a production to just hop on it in my street clothes and not feel like I have to be going any particular speed or distance to make all the preparations "worth it." If you live somewhere that it's safe to ride at night, slap some lights on it and cruise the neighborhood ... I just love running around on my hybrid after dark.

[Crankin]

I don't have my hybrid anymore, but I just love slapping the lights on and going for a "dark" ride. I have an appointment for one tomorrow morning at 5 AM. It's not even that dark out now, but I love seeing the town wake up. I have a route where I go into Concord center, up the "other" hill in town and around by Sleepy Hollow Cemetery, where famous American authors are buried, and back home. It's about 15 miles. Sometimes, I don't do the other hill and it's 12 miles. I love it.