Deep Depression

[shootingstar]

Hoping the best for you VeganBikeChic.

[redrhodie]

I think you're making really good decisions. I'm sorry this is so hard. We're all routing for you.

[redrhodie]

And I'm really impressed by your strength. You are taking action. Good for you!

[Melalvai]

And in the meantime go on & meet those people you've been put in touch with. Maybe they'll make your last days in Colorado more enjoyable!

[emily_in_nc]

No great advice to offer but just wanted to send a virtual hug. Please don't think that those of us who are married don't sometimes feel very alone. Marriage is not the answer -- being comfortable in your own skin, no matter what your circumstances, is much more important.

I hope you can find happier times ahead back in Seattle. Take care of yourself.

[VeganBikeChick]

Thanks so much, emily! I just don't want to spend the rest of my life by myself, just see that my friends who are coupled seem to have it so much better. I do realize the grass isn't always greener - as has been true with my multiple moves. Need to be comfortable with myself for sure! Glad you're back in the States. I appreciate your wise words.

[indysteel]

I'd echo what Emily said. Relationships can be lonely places, too. I'd encourage you to keep working on yourself with the hope that you'll either find a happier place as a single woman or that you'll be in a healthier spot by the time you do meet someone. You'll also be much more likely to pick a happy, healthy and functional person as a partner. Remember, the goal isn't to be in just any relationship, but to be in a successful one.

I never really wanted to hear this when I was single--at least until I was ready to--but don't wish your life away. Marriage can be great, but so too can being on your own. I hope you can get to a place where you can believe that.

[emily_in_nc]

Thanks so much, emily! I just don't want to spend the rest of my life by myself, just see that my friends who are coupled seem to have it so much better. I do realize the grass isn't always greener - as has been true with my multiple moves. Need to be comfortable with myself for sure! Glad you're back in the States. I appreciate your wise words.

Awww, thanks so much. Don't know how wise my words are, but as a long-married person who loves my husband but still sometimes feels very alone (the old "women are from venus, men are from mars" can be very true at times), I wanted to express the thought that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Even in a happy marriage, we're all still individuals, and sometimes I crave girlfriend time or alone time more than anything! Just wanted to express that...

I wish you all the best and feel sure you will find things improving in the future. As the old cliche goes "it's always darkest before the dawn".

Hugs,
Emily

[solobiker]

I wish you the very best. I went through multiple moves and it sounds like had the same feelings as you. I hope you can find happiness. Do you know when you are going to move? We should still try to hook up some evening after work. I could always use/have another friend.

{HUG}

[Sky King]

a great resource for many across the nation is Recovery International I can't begin to explain the impact of attending recovery meetings on my DH and because of that how it has improved our marriage and our family. We are all huge fans See if there is a mtg close by

[VeganBikeChick]

I wish you the very best. I went through multiple moves and it sounds like had the same feelings as you. I hope you can find happiness. Do you know when you are going to move? We should still try to hook up some evening after work. I could always use/have another friend.

{HUG}

Thanks so much Solo. I had an interview on Wed for my old job, will know if I got it this coming Wed- sounds very promising. I should be packing right now but can't motivate myself to do anything. I'd love to grab some coffee before I go. I'll PM you.

[solobiker]

Sounds good. Good luck and I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

[VeganBikeChick]

Just wanted to update and let everyone know I got my old job in Seattle back! I start in 2 weeks. Now the packing begins...who wants to pack for me?

[OakLeaf]

Great news! Hope the move goes smoothly.

[limewave]

I hope that you are able to find balance and that hope, joy and motivation soon return to you!
There is some great input and advice here. I'd like to share my personal experience if that's alright. I have suffered from depression since the onset of puberty, at times it has been very severe and totally debilitating. I thought it was because of so many things--home life, friends, relationships, situational, etc. And then I thought it might be chemical. I was finally put on a prescription anti-depressant in my early 20's. That really helped. Although I wasn't thrilled with the knowledge I would have to be on antidepressants the rest of my life. Eventually I started going to a naturapathic doctor. And she suggested my depression was from hormonal imbalance. Through changing my diet and supplementing occasionally with vitamins and minerals, we have been able to manage my depression in a natural way that has far better results than the prescription drug. It's truly amazing.

There are times when I have debilitating anxiety--you mentioned having fear of being alone and that's why I'm bringing this up. There was a day where I had overwhelming anxiety and fear of being in an accident, it was so great that I pulled over to the side of the road and I had to have someone come pick me up. A coworker of mine, mother of two kids about my children's age, was killed the week before in a terribly accident. Being unable to manage and rationalize fear and anxiety is a symptom of the adrenal system under duress.

What I've learned is that depression and anxiety are not things that we have to live with on a constant basis. There is help out there. We all experience sadness and anxiety/worry because of changes in our lives or circumstance. But when those feelings become so big they overtake our lives--that's a symptom of an imbalance in our bodies. A doctor is invaluable in diagnosis and resolving these imbalances.

Hugs to you!