Just wanted to get some feedback from you ladies. I've been talking with my best friend but even she's getting tired of my calls.
I fear I'm in a deep depression. I've never felt so sad and alone before. It's an effort just to get to work everyday; forget about doing the dishes or cleaning (doesn't look like Hoarders yet!). Moved here to CO about 8 months ago from Seattle - had visited CO a couple times and fell in love with the sun and scenery. Part of the issue is that right after I moved here, I met a guy and we started dating. I fell head over heels - he's quite eccentric and doesn't behave like a "normal" boyfriend would. I've become codependent on him for my happiness and know it's SO unhealthy, but I can't seem to meet any women my age here. I just want to have a girls' night out or hang out at a friend's, but know no one. Moved here literally not knowing a soul. My coworkers are nice, but all of them are married/paired and don't do anything outside of work. I feel great when I'm with my guy, but know in my heart we're not meant to be long-term, and am more than depressed when we're not together. Ending things has me terrified, as he's the only one I have for company.
I want to move back to Seattle - all of my friends live there. I've left there 3x and moved back 3x. This would be the 4th. I keep leaving because of the gray - it really depresses me, but I'm far more depressed here with the sun shining in my face and the panoramic mountains in the background. It's more or less my security blanket, and it's very possible that if I move back, I'll still be sad, but think that the familiarity and my friends around would comfort me. I'm so at unease here - my heart hurts, I cry all the time, and can't summon up an ounce of energy to go do things - unless it's with the boyfriend, then I'm happy as a clam.
I am seeing a therapist about my relationship, and she's trying to encourage me to get out and do things on my own. It's just feels so insurmountable right now.
Thanks for reading my post, and if anyone's ever been to this dark place before, I'd love to hear your coping mechanisms.