Deep Depression

[shootingstar]

Sorry to be hitting with heavy stuff in above.

As for relocating to different city and being isolated: it is enough of a life change to warrant making more conscious choices of doing things one enjoys and doing some stuff with others. No doubt my mother fell into a depression because of not knowing the language, not having any family member except her husband in a new country, after immigrating.

Support immigrant services in your community also: some of those counsellors are dealing with this stuff too since it can be geographic, cultural relocation big time, big shock (on top of any major personal/family problems regardless of any linguistic-cultural barriers).

[Crankin]

You are right, Shooting Star, culturally sensitive counseling is a necessity in a lot of cases. It doesn't always have to be that you have a counselor of the same culture, but the counselor needs to be aware of what cultural factors may be influencing how a person thinks and how culture may have contributed to the issue. My training was very focused on dealing with these issues, but I still feel like there are some cases that would be best served by working with someone from their own culture. I just had to close a case with a Cambodian teenager. I won't go into the details, but her issues were the same issues I deal with with other girls her age. The difference was the way her family (mom) totally denied/dismissed this girl's symptoms and behavior, which were very risky. There was a huge cultural component there and I couldn't bridge it, even though I am well aware of the issues. Her school is going to refer her family to a different program. There is a large Cambodian community in one of the cities I work in, but there are very few counselors in this community. A few parole officers and DCF workers, but I have only known one young man who was training to be a clinician. So while I feel totally comfortable working with my Hispanic clients and continue to learn from them, I admit I couldn't make much difference for this one girl and her family. I hope they find someone who can help them.

[OakLeaf]

I thought this was really good advice, too. http://www.diycouturier.com/post/472...her-when-youre

[Dogmama]

Great article!

[VeganBikeChick]

I thought this was really good advice, too. http://www.diycouturier.com/post/472...her-when-youre

That's great Oak - thanks so much!!

[shootingstar]

There was a huge cultural component there and I couldn't bridge it, even though I am well aware of the issues. Her school is going to refer her family to a different program. There is a large Cambodian community in one of the cities I work in, but there are very few counselors in this community. A few parole officers and DCF workers, but I have only known one young man who was training to be a clinician. So while I feel totally comfortable working with my Hispanic clients and continue to learn from them, I admit I couldn't make much difference for this one girl and her family. I hope they find someone who can help them.

I'm sure you tried your best. You probably can bridge elsewhere with a similar Southeast Asian/Asian based client but the case maybe have totally different dynamics.

[VeganBikeChick]

I think I've figured out what's causing my depression. Came home tonight and was scared to death to be alone. I've lived by myself for 19 years and have never felt like this before. Is it a midlife crisis? Who knows. But I've suddenly thought that what happens if I'm alone now for the rest of my life? All of my friends are married, and I so crave that lifestyle. I want a partner, someone to share my ups and downs, someone to share my company. I feel right now that it will never be a possibility for me and it scares me to death. As it stands now, if something were to happen to me, no one would know until my work looked for me. Coming home every night to an empty place is heartbreaking. I wish I didn't crave physical companionship so much. It's really hurting me.

[indysteel]

VBC, I felt that way for many years. At times, my loneliness felt like a black whole that was going to swallow me whole. It wasn't just that I was single; my family, and my parents in general, doesn't really live me in any sustaining way. The pain that caused was never-ending. I spent many years and many hours of therapy to get to a better place. CBT helped tremendously in recalibrating my internal dialogue. Yoga helped me find some calm in my mind, along with some joy. Together, they helped me detach enough from some very pervasive and powerful thoughts and feelings, for some new thoughts and feelings to take root. I'm not going to lie; that didn't happen overnight. So, the best I can suggest is to stick with therapy for as long and frequently as you can. Build in some form of meditation, mindfulness training or yoga if you're so inclined. The article Oak posted is excellent, too.

[Catrin]

VBC, I totally know what you feel like! I've been single for a very, very long time for assorted reasons that I won't go into here. I too dealt with major depression which was from a serious of major traumatic events and more than a small amount of PTSD. Loneliness is still my constant companion but I've learned ways to deal with it. I am probably more comfortable with myself/in my skin than ever. Very intense exercise and other things help a lot - calmer approaches such as meditation doesn't help me much - but intense efforts serve the same purpose at helping me shut down those internal thoughts. I did go through several years of therapy and while I had mixed experiences with the therapists it was quite helpful. I should have been more proactive about changing therapists before I did, but hindsight is always 20/20. Hang in there!

[Crankin]

Vegan, you did a good thing. I know it might not feel good right now, but figuring out something like you did often is the start of change. You articulated it so well, I can almost feel it.
Shooting Star, thanks for the kind words. I feel like a real failure with that girl. And the thing is, one day we had a little break through in session, but with her mom denying that any trauma ever happened to her, of course she's going to keep running away.
I may be getting another "cutter." I feel like I'm on a tightrope with the one I'm working with now, but so far, she hasn't had to go back to the hospital. I really enjoy working with this family, and I guess my boss takes it to mean I can handle the stress of working with another girl with similar (but thankfully no attachment problems) issues.

[lor]

That was a great article, Oak! Many things on that list I have used or could have used myself when I'm in my low swings. I'm keeping it for future reference.

[redrhodie]

I think I've figured out what's causing my depression. Came home tonight and was scared to death to be alone. I've lived by myself for 19 years and have never felt like this before. Is it a midlife crisis? Who knows. But I've suddenly thought that what happens if I'm alone now for the rest of my life? All of my friends are married, and I so crave that lifestyle. I want a partner, someone to share my ups and downs, someone to share my company. I feel right now that it will never be a possibility for me and it scares me to death. As it stands now, if something were to happen to me, no one would know until my work looked for me. Coming home every night to an empty place is heartbreaking. I wish I didn't crave physical companionship so much. It's really hurting me.

((((VBC)))

I just wanted to give you a hug.

[Penny4]

I think I've figured out what's causing my depression. Came home tonight and was scared to death to be alone. I've lived by myself for 19 years and have never felt like this before. Is it a midlife crisis? Who knows. But I've suddenly thought that what happens if I'm alone now for the rest of my life? All of my friends are married, and I so crave that lifestyle. I want a partner, someone to share my ups and downs, someone to share my company. I feel right now that it will never be a possibility for me and it scares me to death. As it stands now, if something were to happen to me, no one would know until my work looked for me. Coming home every night to an empty place is heartbreaking. I wish I didn't crave physical companionship so much. It's really hurting me.

I feel your pain.
I am in a similar situation (single, all friends married, etc). Last year I had a medical issue and had to drive myself to the ER, found out i needed surgery, and really had no one to call to come be with me. I spent the first night in the hospital alone until my parents arrived from out of state the next day. After 6 days in the hospital, I went home. It took me forever to recover, and that's when a huge bout of depression hit me. I think i had always been mildly depressed and lonely, but this episode was like a giant exclamation point on that fact. Afterwards, i was bursting into tears all the time and was physically fatigued well after the surgery. Finally went to a psych (tried a counselor first and she suggested also seeing a psych). I've been on an anti depressant for almost a year, and it has helped me. The depression is still there, but I'm more stable...more likely to get out a bit more and try to socialize, no more uncontrollable crying.
We all need companionship....it's just so hard to find it. I don't have answers for you, but just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone.

[VeganBikeChick]

Thanks again to everyone for your wise and kind words. I ended my relationship last night with my boyfriend, and as expected am a huge mess right now. It was the right thing to do but feels so wrong and the loneliness, emptiness is painful. I have decided to return to Seattle as soon as I can get my job back. I appreciate everyone listening to me.

[OakLeaf]

(((((((VBC))))))) Good for you for taking that difficult step forward. Take care.