After I thought more about what was said and now that I've had to process the implications of what was said, I have decided I don't want to be spending my holiday in the home of self riteous, racist people. I feel that going to this dinner would send the message to these family members that this kind of talk is ok and clearly it is not! I also think it would make J feel like I did not value him and that is clearly also not the case. He is a part of my immediate family and we all love him very much. I also am sick of the extended family making gay remarks and my brother is outwardly gay. No I'm not going to go celebrate anything with those people and be around their nasty hate filled lives. Done and done.