Body Image and other Random Thoughts

[SnappyPix]

Maybe if the dove women were selling underwear, I would buy their BS laden campaign about loving your curves. However, dove wants us to love our bodies, but not too much, since we must be sufficiently disatisfied to want to improve it with their miracle cream. And if the creams do not work (which is most likely the case), well, you are still left with the self hatred of having a soft body.

Whilst I realise that Dove's intentions aren't purely altruistic, it's certainly a step in the right direction to have real women used in advertising (how novel!) and it's a damn shame more companies don't follow suit.

Why is it that when guys put on weight, they might just feel sheepish or sluggish, but women feel a failure? It says so much about western culture.
I don't mean to sound like a complete man-basher, but the thing that really does get me angry is that the fashion and media industry (especially TV & film) is dictated by men who construct their own unrealistic expectations of how women should feel about themselves. And the real rub? A large percentage of these guys are gay and aren't even attracted to the images they depict.

I've battled with body image issues all my life - and only recently am I starting to love my body. Cycling has been my saviour because it helps me stay healthy and grounded - I've begun to love my thighs and now marvel at the muscles that are developing as I grow stronger and fitter.
My mum is 77 and is constantly dieting because of catty remarks from her b*tchy sisters; it really upsets me because she doesn't have an ounce of fat on her and was hospitalised on a life support machine around 4 years ago on the brink of death - yet still the drive to be the perfect shape seems to outweigh the pure joy of being alive and well.

[latelatebloomer]

I've been loving this thread - finally had to steal a few minutes to post. Oy, growing up chubby (not obese, just chubby) and having to deal with every GROWN woman's body issues applied to me was...crappy. My mom lived on black coffee, cigarettes, and No-Doze to keep her weight down, and boy, that regimen does not sweeten one's temper . I started being put on diets by 3rd grade, and we know what diets do - THEY CREATE FAT PEOPLE!!
OK, I'm all over that now, at at 46, work out hard damn hard, take great care of myself, and am really beoming a cyclist. I stay off scales, but I've gone from a size 24 to an 18, and last night at spin class, I had control of my breathing (and a wee, proud smile on my face) as my heart rate hit & hung at 181.
People still make ignorant comments sometimes, as some of the other curvy posters here have noted. Then I have to check in on my own truth, go to DH for a hug and kiss, and hang out at TE til the boo-boo goes away.
One downer - ok, great, at the store trying on them size 18 pants and feeling like Xena...tried on a pair of light-colored jeans and they look...awful. Hey, I know I've got a little celluite but it doesn't usually look like that...jeans come off, and in the harsh, harsh light of the dressing room...BAGGY SKINeek:
My legs are getting smaller, but my skin isn't.
Ok, I know, stiff upper lip, choose clothes just as carefully as ever, etc, and DO NOT RUN OUT AND BUY EVERY MIRACLE CREAM ON THE MARKET - this I know - but does anyone out there had luck with anything that helps?

[bentforlife]

although I sit here with a cratered knee and hope I can keep the weight off until I can start riding again.

My story. I grew up tall and skinny,I was 5'6" by the time I was 12 and towered over most everyone in my class at that time. I don't know how many times my mother told me not to slouch. I was also heavy into competitive swimming, freestyle and butterfly, so I had shoulders that made me look like a defensive tackle on the football team. I wasn't into "girly" stuff, no makeup, very few dresses, rode horses alot, a real "tomboy". My senior year I tore a rotator cuff and had to stop swimming. On to college and I didn't become a couch potato but not in as good physical condition. I was slow pitching for an intramural softball team and running to stay in shape for that. I also grew another inch in height for some weird strange reason.

Once I started having children after getting married I started gaining weight and really couldn't get it off. The last baby was a real kicker, gestational diabetes and early labor problems. After she was born I found myself at 250 lbs. 6 years later I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and hypothyroidic. I was very determined to lose weight and managed to lose 70 lbs in one year. It has helped but now I'm a insulin dependent diabetic using an insulin pump(which is fantastic). I still would like to get about 30-40 lbs off and riding was helping and will again.

Self image problems were few and far between for me. I tend to be a realist and knew I was obese(not a pretty word, is it). But I'm also am in the process of becoming a diabetic educator and want to be an example to those I will be helping. I still wear very little makeup. Most people guess my age 10 years younger than I am, and I just turned 49. I have to thank my families good Swiss genes for that and wearing sunscreen religiously.

So what's the point? Not all of fell for the skinny model image our soceity said we had to look like. Even when I was "fat" I was happy with myself as a person, happy with my marriage and happy with my kids(maybe not as much when they were younger teens).

In my eyes I would rather see someone who may be somewhat "overweight" but content about life than someone who is skinny as a rail and miserable trying to live up to unreal expectations. I think this is something we need desperately to teach out teen girls coming up. My daughters are very different from each other. The older is naturally"thin" but not very athletic. She wears size 2, sometimes a size zero. But I don't think she's as healthy as the younger daughter because of her sleeping habits, no exercise, and stress. My youngest daughter is taller with an athlete's body, very solid muscle. She rides her bike alot, walks and runs more, and is happier with herself even though her grades are not as high as the oldest daughter's ere in high school. Attitude makes a real difference. i grew up with an overly critical dad. I was never good enough for him. Once I was on my own and away from his influence I began to realize I WAS a person of worth. Life really changed for me once I changed my outlook.

This is what our kids need today. To know they are a person of worth.

Sorry, I'll step off the soap box now.

Donna

[ACG]

I love this post. All ladies look in the mirror and smile while saying-You are a beautiful person!

I have 2 daughters; 22 years old-the other 15. The youngest is still growing, but she will be the curvy one. I am 5'2", 140 lbs, medium frame, size 8 to 12 depending on the store, style, etc. Some people have told me I'm chunky, some people say I'm too thin. I am muscular because of the cycling. When I was younger I was really thin, like 100 lbs, I thought I was fat. I now know I was not healthy.

It is really, really hard taking young girls shopping for clothes that don't make them look trashy or feel fat.

I was told once by someone that I could improve in cycling if I lost weight, then in the same breadth I was told that I could never get that thin cuz I was 'built like a big girl', then I was told how attractive one of the other cycling ladies in my group is, she does triathalons 'now she is a real knock out'. My interpretation, you are ugly and fat.

I try to tell my girls that what they see on TV, movies is not how realy women are, I tell them look at me, your friends, your aunts, etc. They are a variety of shapes and sizes, this is the norm.

Again I love this post.

[maillotpois]

Great post - I have read and re-read it a couple of times now. There are so many great stories here, but a common thread: You are all strong, kick-a$$ women!!

My body image issues really started with my perception of myself as being unathletic. I grew up chunky and uncoordinated - not good at ball sports, etc.. They put me in remedial PE in elementary school. This really did a number on my self-image! (These days we don't even have funding for regular PE!) Anyway, even though I grew up on a ranch and was running and riding horses outdoors all day, I believed myself to be unathletic and fat. So that's basically what I became. Finally, in college, I joined Weight Watchers and lost 60 pounds over a year. I started running, which helped, but I never really enjoyed running. I actually got a bit too thin for my Amazonian frame, as my periods stopped for a year, but I levelled out and maintained a healthy weight and active lifestyle til I got pregnant 8 or so years later.

After the kiddo was born, it has been an up and down 10 years to get back to a healthy weight. I also developer an auto-immune thyroid disorder which adds an extra complication to the weight loss picture. Discovering cycling 6 years ago has really helped, as I never enjoyed running and riding a bike came so naturally. (Now I realize what my big thighs were made for!).

I seriously NEVER thought of myself as an athlete or athletic until I started cycling. Now I have done countless centuries, 3 double centuries, the Death Ride (twice), have raced in crits and road races and have cycled in the Alps! And cycling has made weight loss a bit easier in that I am not looking to get to certain # to weigh, but looking to IMPROVE my cycling PERFORMANCE - specifically climbing - by dropping some pounds. (I'm 5'9" and have probably another 15 pounds I should be rid of by the end of summer. I am losing slowly - and that's fine. It is really all performance motivated. The reduction in pants size, etc. is just a bonus!)

So that's my story.

Great thread. You all ROCK.

[bentforlife]

Sounds like we have a lot in common, kidwise. My oldest daughter is 23 years od and in college, still living at home. The youngest daughter turns 16 in 6 weeks(everyone make sure your insurance is up-to-date)

How well do your girls get along? There are times when they act like they could rip each other apart, and then 2 hours later they are fine with each other. It's enough to drive me crazy at times. I have 3 sisters, one is my identical twin. We would get into fights at times but not like my two can, or maybe my memory is fading a bit. I know I spent a lot of time outside and doing other things so I wouldn't get into trouble for fighting with my sisters. It was better that way, my mother says I had a hair trigger temper. That changed a lot when I had my own children.

Donna

[ACG]

I have 2 older sisters! They are 4/5 years older. I watched them get all dressed up for prom and I was the noisy younger tom-boy! Sadly both of my sisters are larger and don't share my desire to be healthy. I do not ask them about it either.

My girls get along good. 22 year old lives at home, works at Nordstrom's, she acts like a 2nd mother sometimes.

Worst/best problem is that we all wear the same shoe size, thus we have lots of shoes!

I went to an all girls HS, so did/do my girls. We wore uniforms. Told to act like young ladies, NOT. Thing is that my eldest tells me that she learned how to be very independent, very proud of herself as a female in the all girls environment. And you know what so did I. It was not until I was out of the all girl world, did I feel really self conscious about my body.

My girls are very proud of me and my cycling, the brag to all their friends and that is what I love the best. They are the best cheerleaders I have. I hope they know that I am theirs too.

[Lise]

Hi, all, I hadn't been back to this thread for awhile, nice to see all the "new" posts (new to me!).

Mel--You live in the same town as Jayne Williams?!? Cool! I emailed her last summer, I was so blown away by reading her book. She emailed me back, and we've written several times. If you wanted to, I'm sure she'd be happy to hear from you. She's currently training to do a marathon on 3/19.

Bent--how great that you're training to become a diabetic educator. I would listen to someone like you, who really knows from the inside out what she's talking about.

On the body image thing: I ran into my ex-boyfriend Monday. I haven't seen him since we broke up last April. One of his first comments: "You're so skinny!" Now, I'm not skinny. I haven't lost a pound since he saw me last (5'8", 150#). What I have done since we parted ways is race three tris, run a bunch of 5Ks, some 8Ks, a 1/2 marathon and a marathon, gone on many long bike rides, and continued to run through the winter. What a great perspective for me. It's not really skinny, it's strong. Of course, he wasn't looking at the belly... ...and he never will, either! L.

[Melody]

Hi, all, I hadn't been back to this thread for awhile, nice to see all the "new" posts (new to me!).

Mel--You live in the same town as Jayne Williams?!? Cool! I emailed her last summer, I was so blown away by reading her book. She emailed me back, and we've written several times. If you wanted to, I'm sure she'd be happy to hear from you. She's currently training to do a marathon on 3/19.

Lise, yeah. I thought it was pretty darn cool. Just seeing the work that she has done to get where she is amazed me. She's one of my heroes.

Bent--how great that you're training to become a diabetic educator. I would listen to someone like you, who really knows from the inside out what she's talking about.

Bent, I think it's awesome you're becoming a diabetic educator. I'm also diabetic (I know I've mentioned it a few times. ). There are times, especially these days, that I wish I really listened earlier. Now, after the last nephrologist appointment, they're estimating that I'm down to about 50% renal functionality left. So, we're really cracking down on my sugar and bp levels since I personally don't want to have 0% function at 40. :/

You could always use me as an example of what _not_ to do

Mel

[bentforlife]

Are you T1 or T2? Are you on insulin? I was on oral medications until about 2 years ago when my pancreas decided to poop out. I went on Lantus(24 hour acting insulin) and Humalog but could never get good results. I was put on an insulin pump in November and what a difference. I had an A1C this last checkup of 6.1. That's the best I've ever had!! A pump might really help you if you're on insulin.

I have been very fortunate in not having any complications. Kidneys are good, vision, feet, skin. I feel very blessed.

Keep working on that bs level and bp level. Exercise will help a lot with both things. Keep a positive attitude too. You've got a lot of good years ahead of you.

Donna

[lawyergirl]

I just want to say thanks to all of you for your posts. I had an incredibly crappy day today food wise and was sitting here wallowing in my self pity and I stumbled upon this thread. It makes me realize that I am not alone! I am at about 148 right now at 5'5 and while I was at 170 about 4 years ago, I have bounced between 138-150 for the last 3 years of law school. Currently being at the upper end of that, I just feel plain crappy about my weight, and especially this week since the scale is not moving. But then I remember all the things I can do, like go to a hard spin class or ride 40 miles on some hard hills and I realize that it's not all about the number on the scale or the number on the tag inside my pants. It's about being healthy and fit and strong, with or without a few extra pounds. You are all an inspiration!

[maillotpois]

Hey Lawyergirl - I'm one too and struggle with stress (and boredom!) related weight issues. 2 years ago in one trial I put on about 20 pounds in 8 weeks! Blah! What sort of law do you practice?

[enzed]

Here's my thoughts. When I hit my teens, I started getting curves. Around my late teens, I went on the occasional diet regieme. I did this by being strict with my diet & powerwalking. Yes, I did lose weight, but I soon gained it back.
So now I'm 27years old, size 14(australian) bottoms & size 12 on top. I've got "child bearing hips" with a curvy butt & thighs. I'll never be a model, but who cares.
I ride my bike most days of the week. I ride 150-200Km a week. I get up at 7am on Sunday mornings to spend the morning on my bike. Last year I cycled my first supported week-long bike ride (560Km) & had a awesome time.
And just last week I was a full-time catering volunteer on the NSW Big Ride (supported bike ride). It's a nine day cycling holiday with a "tent city" at the end of each of day. Being a full-time volunteer means that my bike stayed at home all week. But, I managed to borrow a flat-bar road bike for a 65Km section of the ride.
Having just finished breakfast duty, I jumped on the bike & 3 hours later I was at the next campsite (at a 23km average). People whom I had been serving food all week were surprised to see me. I was passing other riders & hitting 30km on the flats. Maybe it was because my legs were fresh, or maybe it was the tail-wind, or maybe the lighter bike, but I've never felt so good on a bike. Oh, and other people were surprised to find out that yes, I can ride & I'm not that bad at it either.
Cycling is the one sport in which I have some abililty. And I have a greater appreciation for my body (somewhere in those curves, there's muscle).
I can put on lycra, over those curves, and not feel too self-consious. How cool is that!

[gromit68]

I feel like I'm not the only one now. This is a wonderful thread. I've had self esteem problems since I was 16 or 17 and had to switch to a different epilepsy medicine that caused me to gain weight. I have gone back and forth ever since. I'm currently trying to lose weight again but for health reasons since I have high cholesterol and teetering on high sugar. I have a twin sister(identical) who I have always thought was better looking because she is smaller. I know that is ridiculous but I guess it is just the s/e issue.

Thanks to all of you for sharing in this thread because it really gives me a boost that I'm not the only one with these thoughts and that I'm fine the way I am.

[lawyergirl]

Hey Lawyergirl - I'm one too and struggle with stress (and boredom!) related weight issues. 2 years ago in one trial I put on about 20 pounds in 8 weeks! Blah! What sort of law do you practice?

Hello, Sarah. I am not yet in practice yet - finishing my last year of law school right now. About 2 more months and I'm outta there!! How about you?