After the Serious Accident

[Grits]

Someone bumped tires in front of me, fell, and then I crashed into them last September. I broke 3 metatarsal bones and consider myself very lucky, but still, what a pain and inconvenience and expense it was!

I eased back into it by starting out on a greenway on my old hybrid bike. I went to platform pedals, at first because I couldn't twist my foot to clip in and out, but now just because I like not having to deal with clipless pedals and haven't noticed any difference in speed. Clipless pedals also add stress for me because I did not clip out when I fell, and even thought the pedals were on a very loose setting, it didn't happen by itself either. The resulting twist from falling while clipped in at that particular angle and speed was what caused the broken bones so I blame the pedals, rightly or wrongly.

After solo greenway rides for a month or so, I ventured out on the road for short rides with a friend. (I am also very wary of drafting now). I'm back up to my pre-accident riding now (sans clipless pedals) but am much more cautious and drive everyone crazy, I'm sure, with "safety talks" prior to rides.

As others have said, it is WAY too soon to make any decisions. Be kind to yourself, and if you have to make some changes in your riding style to feel safe, even on a temporary basis, then do that.

[Bike Chick]

Kajero,

I'm so sorry that you had such a serious accident. Give yourself some time to heal and don't feel pressured to ride again until you are ready. That beautiful new bike isn't going anywhere and it doesn't eat anything so letting it sit and wait on you won't cost a dime. Take care of yourself.

[jobob]

Great replies, everyone.

Have any of you been in a serious accident and went back to riding. What did you think, How did you handle it, did you feel guilty about having an expensive bike, etc?

Oh yeah. Get a cup of coffee and pull up a chair, jobob's going long.

I was in a bad crash over three years ago. I was out of work on full disability for four weeks, then on partial disability for another six weeks. I wore a back brace for three months, and needed follow-up care for my vertebrae compression fracture, the double vision I was experiencing, plus some PT for my whacked up shoulder. So yeah, I've been there.

The bills were ginormous, but I had a great insurance plan thru my employer -- we had a couple of different plans available to us and I had opted to take the pricier PPO plan, so I had to kick in a bit extra for the premiums every payday, but boy was it worth it.

So what's with this guilt over the hospital bill and the insurance?? You were in an accident, it's not like you meant to do this! This is the whole point of having medical insurance, you or your employer (or the combination, as in my case) pay into it so it is there if and when you need it.

Take a step back for a second. What if a co-worker, who by all appearances was a very healthy looking person, had a massive heart attack seemingly out of the blue and required emergency open-heart surgery and very lengthy hospitalization? (this actually happened to a co-worker of mine around the time of my own crash; ironically, it happened to our Director of HR, who managed our company's health insurance programs). Or what if a co-worker was involved in a very serious car accident that required extensive hospitalization & rehab?

What would be your reaction to hearing about your co-worker's misfortune? Would you think "Aw geeze, that bozo is costing our insurance plan all sorts of money, how dare that person be so stupid and selfish?". OF COURSE YOU WOULDN'T!!! Nor would anyone with a modicum of decency. Kind of ridiculous, isn't it, when you try to apply that kind of thinking towards someone else. So why are you thinking that way about yourself? Don't be silly, girl!! {gentle slap on the back of your head}

As for the expensive bike ... yeah, I had given myself a very expensive bike too. That was the bike I crashed, all of ten days after I received it. Luckily, the bike came thru with minimal damage (unlike me ) and once it was repaired it sat in my garage patiently waiting for me.

Face it, love, people sometimes crash their bikes. And a good many of those people are waaaay more experienced bike handlers than you or I. It happens. We do what we can to ride safely, and learn from our mistakes. But stuff happens. I deserved my expensive bike before my crash, and I darn well still deserved it afterwards!!! And you deserve your Ruby, don't go thinking otherwise.

As for getting back on the bike ... I had to wait about three months before I got the go-ahead from the Dr to s#!tcan my back brace and resume my normal activities. So I had a medically-mandated waiting period, as it were (heh, I was about to say there was a definite end date to this waiting period, but there actually wasn't; the Dr couldn't say precisely how long I'd have to wear the back brace, and even after many weeks he couldn't give me any definite schedule. After a couple of months I started to be a real pest, poor guy. )

That forced time off was probably a good thing for me, it made me look forward to when I could start riding again. Perhaps you have a similar waiting period as well -- could you be under Drs orders not to get back on the bike until xxx has healed or some sort of bandage or brace has been removed? If not, perhaps you should give yourself one (errr, a waiting period, not a bandage or a brace). A period of time where you simply do not ride, and not stress over the fact that you're not riding. A time out. During that time, you might find yourself longing to get back.

I took baby steps when I got back on my bike, at least initially. I think my biggest mistake was to try to get back too soon to the level I was before the crash. I had been training for a very challenging ride when I had my crash, and I went back into that same training program the following year -- unfinished business! -- but my head and heart weren't really into it the second time around. Oh well.

So if you do get back on your bike (and I hope you do, eventually), don't push yourself too hard. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, including yourself. Especially yourself.

I hope all my rambling helps you out some, kajero. Please don't beat yourself up over this! {hug}

[emily_in_nc]

Also, don't forget, even the professional bike racers (sometimes even moreso the professional bike racers!) crash on even more expensive bikes than your Ruby, and they're getting paid to race for a team, so if they're "out", they aren't doing the team any good.

You have nothing to feel bad about!

[jessmarimba]

Just wanted to throw in my story. Had a not-so-bad wreck, in the grand scheme of things (no blood, somehow!) but I had a vertebral burst fracture, spinal canal was impinged (fortunately, no paralysis). 10 days in the hospital for me, total bill was close to 160K? I think? Thank goodness for insurance.

I ride, but not as bravely as I did before. Speed is no longer thrilling, but I like going UP hills much more than I used to!

It's tough to think about whether or not you will ride when you're stuck in a position where you can't. And it's also tough, because the longer you're off the bike, the more time you have to build up fear. This is going to seem like sort of weird advice, but I would find something else that has always interested you - maybe you want to learn stained glass, or how to rock climb, or learn Swahili, who knows. And concentrate on whatever that is for awhile. Sort of how thinking of anything besides a major problem can cause the solution to that problem to magically appear? It lets your subconscious think about whether you want to ride without all of the pressure. Dwelling on it, you'll be making decisions and second-guessing them every 5 seconds.

Also remember that whatever you decide now isn't the end-all be-all of the story, either. Say you decide you don't want the Ruby. You can save up and get it next year, if a few months off the bike makes you realize you changed your mind.

Good luck, and I hope you heal quickly.

[Bethany1]

I hope you get better soon. I haven't had a serious accident on a bike, but my first gran mal seizure put me out for about 3-4 weeks. Most of which I don't remember even 15 years later. It's rough but it gets better.

Don't make any drastic changes right now that you'll end up regretting later.

I actually got on my Mukluk today and rode two miles after healing up a little over a week from a concussion. It was my Mamba I wrecked on, but it was scary nice to get back on a bike. You don't think about how much coordination goes into riding a bike until you have to think about it. Two miles was enough for my brain. I came home and slept for a couple of hours.

My Mamba is in the shop getting looked at and to be honest, I almost feel like they can keep it. Every time I walked by it at home it gave me the shivers. It's tempting to sell it so I don't even have to deal with the memories. However; I hate to end up regretting it later so it will stay there for now.

Concentrate on getting better, both physically and emotionally. You'll ride when you are ready. If you are going bonkers with nothing to do, maybe it's a good time to learn something new. I started quilting 10 years ago because I wasn't able to drive due to seizures. Staying at home all day was mind numbingly boring. That skill has enhanced my life and when things get bad I have an outlet that is creative.

A

[NadiaMac]

I had a bad mtb accident a few years ago-- no hospitals, but the crash itself was hugely terrifying (long fall into a ravine) and I busted up my knee and recovery from that has taken a few years-- still not there, but I am getting stronger every day.

Reading your initial post, I am reminded of how hard it was for me to recover mentally/emotionally from my crash. I had nightmares for months about the fall and for about a year after the crash, just thinking of the fall caused a dizzy feeling, nauseating stomach flutters, and increased pulse. Not to mention the shock to the system of losing my riding/exercise/joyful pursuit routine-- i was physically unable to ride for about a year due to knee issues.

As I've sorted out the physical issues (with surgery and some complicated rehab involving a secondary back injury), I have gradually gotten back to riding. When I started up again, I was very nervous about crashing again. I stuck to the road bike, wouldn't ride near other riders and took a while to get back to city riding. My descents were cautious and I had irrational fears, eg, that my fork would break during a descent and I'd go down. I swore that I would not mtb again, though I kept my mtb and cross bikes (I actually covered up the mtb so I wouldn't see it though).

After a long while, thing kind of turned a corner this year. I've regained my confidence with group riding and descending (always one of my strengths) on the road bike. And I rode a mt bike again-- crazy story, but my first mtb ride in three years was downhilling in the Queenstown NZ downhill mountain bike park while I was on vacation in New Zealand earlier this year. I'd never ridden a downhill bike before, but it looked like so much fun that I had to try. We rented huge heavy downhill bikes and suited up in armor and downhill helmets. I had some nerves at first, then gradually the joy of riding fast, getting some air and skidding through banked corners took over and I actually passed people on later runs! Not to mention dropping my boyfriend (heh).

Anyhow, this is a long winded way of suggesting (as others have) that you take it easy, don't feel pressure to make any decisions, and be mindful that having a serious accident can take a while to recover from mentally and emotionally. You've had a trauma, and that can take a while to get through. Depression is a response to trauma. Give it some time. And if you do start up riding again, take it easy and start out with safe-feeling rides. It might take a while before you feel normal again on the bike and this is normal. good luck to you!
NM

[Triskeliongirl]

My husband and I both have had *very serious* accidents and we still both ride. But, after our accidents we made a set of rules. To make these rules, analyze what went wrong on your ride. If there is anything you could have done differently, make that a rule. Our rules include things like not riding in the rain, in the dark, on roads we think are too hazardous, without eye correction, outside of ourselves (trying to stay in a group that is beyond your fitness level so that you are not as stable as you should be), avoiding folks with poor bike handling skills in a group, etc.

And take it back in baby steps. After my accident, I started back really slow on a car free bike path (I had been hit by an SUV that rammed me across 4 lanes of traffic, breaking my pelvis, hip, etc. I still have a 2.2 cm leg length discrepancy after it all healed). I did commute on that road again, and cried the first time I went through that intersection. A few accidents later, albeit more minor, on that road, I stopped commuting on that road and deemed it too dangerous. But I still enjoy club rides and touring on roads I deem safe. My husband too avoids a club ride where he crashed twice, once very seriously (as in being airlifted to the hospital and staying there for 2 months) and once less so, due to poor road conditions.

As others have said, take it in baby steps. Ride when you feel ready (and your doctors clear you), and on roads you feel very safe on with people you feel very safe with. DO NOT feel guilty about using your insurance benefits. That is why you and/or your employer pay premiums. If insurance companies didn't make money they wouldn't be in business.

[Melalvai]

I've been avoiding reading this thread because I didn't want to think about it. But then I thought that was selfish of me, maybe I have something to offer. Now that I have read it, I don't actually have anything new to offer, just support everything that's been said. Still glad that I read it since I got a lot out of everyone's stories. Thank you all!

[SallyRides]

An accident is just that - an accident! That's why we pay for/have insurance. No reason at all for you to feel guilty about that.

I've had, unfortunately, more than one bike-related accident that required insurance payments for me and for bike replacement. Broke my pelvis one time, scraped off a good amount of skin from my face/concussion/cracked bike frame another occasion. First time, I blame myself for inattention in a paceline. Second time, not my fault at all. It was either crash into a curb or be under a car. (I chose the curb and major endo.)

Getting back on the bike after the first accident was tough!! I couldn't ride with a group at first. It's been 11 years and I still have slight anxiety in groups/pacelines. But.......... I was back on the bike the very first day that my Ortho ok'd me.

Second accident, I looked scary with a swollen, bruised face. But the rest of me was ok, and I was back on the bike after a week. Leery of cars, yes, but could not give up riding.

For me, being on a bike is part of who I am. Doesn't matter how many people thought I was crazy for getting back out there. Riding is in my heart and soul. You will need to decide how important it is to you. That's what matters. If we can give you support and courage here, wonderful! But it still comes down to whatever decision you make. I wish you the best, whatever that decision may be.

SR

[ivorygorgon]

I don't think this has been covered yet, but your insurance plan will usually not pay the entire hospital the bill. Most hospitals have contracts with insurers and agree to accept pennies on the dollar for the bills. In some cases I have seen hospitals accept less than half of the actual bill, and they "adjust" the remainder off. So the amount your insurance eventually pays is much less than the bill. Here is a recent example. The doctor's bill was well over $24,000.00. The insurance paid $6,000ish. The remainder was written off. So even though it looked like the bill was $24,000, the amount paid was only $6,000, and the customer was not charged the remainder.

[featuretile]

I had an accident about 8 weeks ago that I wrote about here. Unfortunately, my medical insurance seems to cover almost nothing and the costs are high.

I had a concussion, facial bruises and a broken finger. I was only in the hospital one night, so glad I did not have worse injuries. They never told me in the hospital how fatigued I would be for the first few weeks (because of the head injury). A friend of mine who is a PT told me that the fatigue was normal, and that there is also something called 'physical depression'. It eventually goes away.

After 4 weeks, I started riding my trainer again. After 6 weeks and the finger knit together, I went out for my first ride. I went down to the Monterey bike path so I would not have to deal with traffic at all. That went well, and I have worked up to 28 miles and feeling ok. I still find myself going down hill slower, not drafting anyone and looking at the ground a lot. My accident was caused by road debris, not a car.

I did 2 things to make me feel safer and have one to go. I went and got a bike fit because someone at my club said that not only could that make you more comfortable, but could also make bike handling better. I had not done it before because my bike was not uncomfortable. The fitter is a lovely women who owns a shop. She also suggested that I get 700/25 tires and fill them to 95psi instead of the 700/23 tires that I had and would fill to 110psi. The road conditions here in my county are really crappy and this would help. Saturday I am going to a bike handling skills clinic.

I have gotten in so much better shape from cycling, have so many cycling friends and go on cycling trips, that I can't imagine giving it up. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable now. I was amazed how much strength you can lose in 6 weeks. I don't remember the accident because I was briefly unconscious, so I don't have bad memories playing in my head. Still, I would have preferred to skip the concussion.

Please give yourself some time - you may still be in the time of physical depression.

[kajero]

A friend of mine who is a PT told me that the fatigue was normal, and that there is also something called 'physical depression'. It eventually goes away.

Saturday I am going to a bike handling skills clinic.

I have gotten in so much better shape from cycling, have so many cycling friends and go on cycling trips, that I can't imagine giving it up. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable now. I was amazed how much strength you can lose in 6 weeks. I don't remember the accident because I was briefly unconscious, so I don't have bad memories playing in my head. Still, I would have preferred to skip the concussion.

.

I was wondering wny I was so tired all the time. Also, I can understand myself a littlle better once you mentioned something called 'physical depression'. I have been really feel down, maybe this is part of it.

I have looked for a bike handling skills clinic in our area, but haven't been able to find one. I am not sure what happened at my accident seeing as I was unconscious. I have had heard several different scenarios, most of them different.

I also have so many friends as a result of my cycling. I don't know if I will continue to go with them on group rides, though. I guess that decision will be made when I can ride again.

We did buy a trainer and my old bike is on it. I see the doctor on Wednesday and will see when he says I can use it. If I can handle that comfortablly,I may think about riding again.

Thank you so much for your insight. I wish you the best

[brodymom]

I just went through a somewhat similar experience - I fell 6 weeks ago on a slimy wooden bridge and broke my pelvic bone. Honestly - I didn't worry about the insurance issues - as others have said, we pay for the coverage and are fortunate that the claims were covered.

My experience was that until I was cleared to ride, I didn't worry so much about getting back on. Once the doctor cleared me to ride, I was more nervous, thinking about all the things that could go wrong, etc. I ended up going for a short ride to get that out of my system and try to get my 'legs' back. By the 3rd ride post fall, I am pretty much fine and comfortable but much more cautious and focused on ending each ride upright and in tact.

Go at your own pace and go when YOU are ready. If you don't feel ready, don't go.

[kajero]

I decided to give the new bike a try. I have had it outside twice. The first time was the day we finally brought it home. I went about 1/8 of a mile and was terrified. But I managed to get through it. I rode tonight for about 1/10 of mile before getting scared. I am not so sure I like the road bike over my hybrid. It's going to take time to get used to it.

SO bought me an indoor trainer so I can practice riding the bike. I have been using it for about 10 minutes a day. Any longer than that the rib pain kicks in.

I see the the doctor June 6 and hope he says I am fit again. I hope I have NO pain by then.

I am still not sure I will continue biking, but at least I am making an effort to help me decide.