Sad Day for Mother

[Bike Chick]

My 75 year old mother has always had health issues (diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol) and has never been active. She is overweight and has complained of back problems for years. As she aged, she became more and more sedentary and spent most of her days sitting on the couch watching television. Our pleas for her to walk and exercise were met with disgust and indifference. Her mobility and balance declined with her activity level until she could only walk with a walker and would fall frequently. She never understood why I liked to ride a bike for miles or why I would ever do something as foolish as run a marathon or race in a triathlon.

She took a really nasty spill in February and suffered a broken nose, busted tooth and mouth and spent the next couple of days in the hospital. She was very weak and unable to walk without assistance when she was discharged and we placed her in a senior care center so she could get receive physical therapy, get stronger and come home.

The whole family thought this would only be temporary and that she would be home within a few weeks. We were wrong. She doesn't want to be there, regularly refused physical therapy, and doesn't understand why she can't just come home. It's a very sad situation. Today, the physical therapist told me they are terminating her therapy because she is not progressing. Medicare will only pay for therapy as long as the patient shows progress. It takes two people to get her from the chair to the wheelchair and her future looks very grim.

My point in sharing all this is that I want each and every one of you to keep moving. It's been heartbreaking to watch my mother lose her ability to walk and with it her quality of life because of her inactivity. Every time I drive home from visiting her, I try to figure out what I can do to keep from ending up in the same situation and remind myself that I need to keep moving. I'm very sad and frustrated by the whole situation but don't know what, if anything else, can be done for her.

Please excuse the long vent. Thanks for listening and letting me share.

[Chicken Little]

Might your Mom have undiagnosed depression? Do you have a physician you trust?

[shootingstar]

I'm sorry to hear of your ailing mother and difficulties, Bike Chick. You're trying hard right now.

You know, I don't think my mother (78) would be that much different. She doesn't exercise, is abit overweight but has tried over the past few decades to cook healthier. So this most definitely we give her credit. However she does understand our need to eat healthy, be fit, etc. Then compounded with a dying husband (my father has cancer) and daughter that she lost suddenly, plus not knowing enough English to communicate with us (or us not knowing enough Chinese).

Your mom probably needs most to have a good friendly ear to hear her and 1-2 friends her age to talk often, share at her age. Does she have a hobby, activity that she can still enjoy/is good at?

[Fredwina]

My mother is 84 and we had to move her to an Independent living facility 150 miles away from where she spent the last 60 years. It appears to have done her a world of good from phone conversation. I get to find out in person tomorrow . Watching your parents deteriorate is not fun. I do like shooting star's advice, as I think moving my mother in with a bunch of folks in a same situation did her a world of good.

[Bike Chick]

Chicken Little, you make a good point and we have wondered about depression. Her doctor has always been part of the problem. None of us like him but she and my stepdad think he's wonderful. He's a pill pusher and Mom dearly likes her pills if you know what I mean. He prescribed Prozac 10 days ago thinking it would help her mood but all it's done is turn her into a pie-eyed zombie. I'm dealing what that issue today.

Shootingstar, my mother has never had any close friends or other "sisters" that she talked to. Don't know why but she doesn't and that's too bad. She used to have hobbies that she enjoyed (reading, sewing) but quit that after her first fall about five years ago. It's been a downward spiral since then.

[shootingstar]

Hope she finds a happier route somehow. She probably appreciates you helping you around.

My mother doesn't have close friends at this time. My father is her closest "friend" but he's not going to be around forever.

She still enjoys sewing (for grandchildren, an accomplished seamstress), for herself, and making certain "heirloom" family foods that she knows we don't have time to prepare.

[OakLeaf]

Tough situation. ((((((BikeChick & mom)))))) I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

[Catrin]

Bike Chick, sorry to read this about your mom, it is so hard to watch your mom go through this. Sending warm hugs and vibes to you and your mother.

[goldfinch]

Chicken Little, you make a good point and we have wondered about depression. Her doctor has always been part of the problem. None of us like him but she and my stepdad think he's wonderful. He's a pill pusher and Mom dearly likes her pills if you know what I mean. He prescribed Prozac 10 days ago thinking it would help her mood but all it's done is turn her into a pie-eyed zombie. I'm dealing what that issue today.

It takes a number of weeks for Prozac to build up enough to work so I would give it time.

[Jo-n-NY]

Sorry to hear about your Mom BC. It is tough to see our loved ones getting older and going down hill. I see it in my mother in law and I have it back of my head that I will not get like that. My bike keeps my young in body and mind. You are so right, it is best not to stop moving.

[indysteel]

I'm so sorry, Bike Chick. I hope GF is right that you just need to get the anti-depressant more time or, perhaps, switch drugs or tweak the dosage. Hugs to you and your mom.

[Pax]

So sorry to hear about your mom. It's so painful to watch them make poor choices and have no ability to alter the course set in motion by those choices.

[missjean]

My point in sharing all this is that I want each and every one of you to keep moving. It's been heartbreaking to watch my mother lose her ability to walk and with it her quality of life because of her inactivity. Every time I drive home from visiting her, I try to figure out what I can do to keep from ending up in the same situation and remind myself that I need to keep moving. I'm very sad and frustrated by the whole situation but don't know what, if anything else, can be done for her.

Boy, did you hit a nerve with me. I feel for you & I totally understand. My family is going though the exact same thing with my Dad. He has moderate Alzheimer's and that makes trying to get him to get up and move even more difficult. He can no longer understand, or care, that sitting all day is the reason he has difficulty moving. The toll it is taking on my Mom is just heartbreaking.
Just this past week I have spent hours on the phone calling different agencies to try to find some sort help that can do in-home exercising. I think I finally found what we are looking for, and now we have to go over their finances to see what they can afford. Thank god my folks are pretty well set money wise, because their 2 different insurance plans and the VA (Dad's a vet) have been worthless.
The VA has been a bureaucratic circus and the insurance is happy to pay for endless doctor's visits, MRI's, pills, walkers, wheelchairs etc. but refuses to pay for a couple of PT sessions a week which would actually make a difference in my Dad's life.

I say the exact same thing to myself - get up and move! I don't want to do to my daughter's what I going though now.

[emily_in_nc]

That is so sad, Bike Chick. I am really sorry. I know 75 years old might sound "old" to some on here, but my mother is 77, and although I have complained here before about her not being willing to "exercise", she does at least garden, go to the grocery store, cook (she still has dinner parties relatively frequently), and her health is actually quite good despite being overweight. She sits a lot (reading), but is still quiet spry for her age. I think she would feel even better if she'd at least take walks around her neighborhood, but it is quite hilly, and she just won't do it.

Compared to your mom, she is in great shape. Hearing your story reminds me of how much worse it could be. My grandfather got like that too, but not until his 90s. He had Alzheimer's and fell down and broke a hip. After that he had to go from assisted living to a nursing home, and basically just waited for about another year, year and a half to die. He had no motivation for PT or to do anything but sleep. It was very sad, but he was 96 when he died, so a bit more understandable. It's too early for someone of 75 to be like this, I think!

I wish you the very best. It must be very hard.

[Antaresia]

I sympathize, my Grandpa was much the same way. It's so frustrating, but it sounds like she's made her choice.

Take care, I know I plan on riding my bike until I can't anymore, then I'll probably get a recumbent tricycle.