Deciding when to euthanize a furbaby...?

[zoom-zoom]

I really think our Lola kitty's time is nearing. This sucks. And I feel like our reason to have her put down is not reason enough.

I took her to the vet a few days ago and she mostly checked-out OK. She has a very mild bladder infection and was a little bit dehydrated, but her blood work looks good. She's happy, she has a good appetite, and seems to be comfortable. She purrs, she bumps heads, she even sort of plays with the laser pointer beam, though her vision is pretty foggy from cataracts, so mostly she'll watch it and reach a paw out if it gets near her. She hardly gets around, anymore. She sleeps >90% of the time. She's rarely awake other than to eat. She's been gradually declining for years, but has markedly slowed-down just in the past month or so (suddenly not jumping up on counters at all...not long ago she would struggle to get up there, but would usually manage). When we had a cold snap a couple of weeks ago she could barely move...she seemed so arthritic.

But the worst is that she keeps peeing on the floor. Little puddles all over. For a the past 6 months or so she was only peeing in the dirty laundry--that we could mostly deal with. We even brought up a litter box to the main floor of our house, thinking she was just getting lazy. Then we brought up a second one, thinking maybe she likes to poop in one and pee in another. But in the past week or so she is peeing wherever, 4-5x/day. Several times I have stepped in puddles...in the kitchen, bathroom, and on the wood floors. We think she simply isn't realizing that she has to go in time to get down to the litter boxes. Now she's not even able to get into the dirty clothes in time.

We're leaving for Death Valley in less than 2 weeks for our JDRF fundraiser ride. My MIL is staying here with our DS. She is far less patient with pet messes than we are (she had a cat put down when it became inconvenient for her to find care for her cat while she was off spending weekends with her boyfriend )...and we've pretty much lost patience.

But I feel like a complete arse for even contemplating having Lola put down. She will be 18 on Halloween. People don't have their parents and grandparents euthanized when they start losing bladder control...

The rational side of me thinks - Lola has been on thyroid meds for several years, is arthritic, pukes a lot (though less so on wet food) and not able to use the litter box appropriately anymore...but my heart says so much of that just feels like the sort of rationale used by those wretched people who have happy animals put down when they are the least bit of a nuisance.

I hate gray areas. This decision would be so much easier if she were dealing with tumors and/or seizures, like the last kitty we scheduled to have put down (he actually died in his sleep just hours before our appt. We dread having to take a living cat to the vet to have the injection. I'm a sobbing mess sitting here writing this--how will I ever make the drive with Lola in her carrier to the vet?).

This is, by far, the worst part of having 4-legged family members. Lola has literally been with us for almost half of our lives. I was 20 and DH was 21 when we got her. We weren't even engaged, yet, but she was our first "child."

[tulip]

(((zoom zoom))). I've had many pets in my life. When their quality of life declines to a point where they can no longer care for themselves, usually know it's time. But it's a personal decision. Some people take extra measures to extend the length, if not the quality, of life for as long as possible. Only you can decide about Lola.

One thing that I have found that complicates matters is the difficulty in separating the pet's best interests with our own feelings of loss. I had a cat that I got when I was 10 and she died when I was 31. Letting her go was also letting go of perhaps the last tangible connection to my childhood and youth. Wow, that was hard--not only because of the cat but because of the realization that my own life was progressing way too fast.

Another practical consideration is to determine what happens if she passes or needs to be put down while you are away. Have you talked that over with your MIL, DS, and DH? Are you prepared to let your MIL make that call? If so, it will be easier on everyone if you leave very specific instructions and notify your vet.

Hugs,
Tulip

[new2ride]

I feel for your situation, been there myself. Last year during the holidays, I had a feeling my beloved Tiffany was nearing the end. We were scheduled to leave on vacation on 12/31. I fretted over what would I do if something happened while we were away. I don't think I could have come to grips if something would have happened and I wasn't there for her.

We didn't have to make that choice. Two days before Christmas, Tiffany became really ill, she wouldn't eat and wasn't moving around much. I took her into the vet who said she would check her over to determine what was wrong. I left her so the vet could run some tests. The vet called a couple hours later and said my baby was in congestive heart failure. I knew it was the end but my vet asked me to give her a chance to get the fluid away from her heart and maybe she could be home for the holidays. It wasn't meant to be, my beautiful little furbaby passed away later that same day. I was absolutely devastated but relieved that I didn't have to make the choice, nor have to wonder if my brother would make the right choice while we were away.

Only you can make the decision about your furbaby. You'll know when the time is right and in the best case scenario, maybe the little one will go peacefully in his/her sleep. My thoughts and prayers are will you. These little furbabies sure have a place within our hearts. Take care.

P.S. Tiffany is my Avatar.

[OakLeaf]

(((((((zoom-zoom)))))))

My heart goes out to you and Lola.

I think Tulip has good advice. I will say that of the three dogs we had to euthanize in the space of five years , only one of them clearly "let us know" when it was time. When there's guilt and inconvenience compounding it, it makes it even more difficult.

My Measle had fecal incontinence for about the last year of his life - in spite of the smell and gross factor, solids are actually a lot easier to clean up than urine - but we really couldn't leave him alone for more than a couple of hours in all that time. It was probably a bone spur in his spine that caused it, and he had a lot of trouble moving around. His vet really thought he should go, but no one else, no one who saw Measle daily, thought that - not me, not DH, not my first husband who was Measle's "dad," not our neighbors who were all surprised when they heard. He didn't seem to be in pain, and although his walks became very short and very slow, he seemed to enjoy them; for us, the tipping point was when he couldn't get up by himself any longer.

Anyway, the point of my telling you that is that although I loved Measie with all my heart, and grieved awfully after he was gone, it was a very long time before I could find my way back to any really good memories of when he'd been strong and playful. The relief at being able to leave the house once in a while made for a lot of guilty feelings. And after six years it's still hard for me to spend much time in the little room where I spent most of that year with him after he could no longer climb stairs - in spite of the new carpet and paint. And I think it's okay for you to consider what kind of memories you will have of Lola after she's gone, and use that as a guide to see more clearly how much she is or is not enjoying her life.

You say you "wouldn't euthanize Grandma," and of course we wouldn't do that against her will, but you know, the difficulty is knowing the wishes of a nonverbal animal (or for that matter, a human who's unable to convey his/her wishes). If Americans (and most people in the developed world) were able to have honest conversations about death, maybe Grandma would decide it was time. The blessing with animals is that even though we can't (usually) communicate with them about their deaths, at least we can talk about it with other people and feel our way through to the right thing.

Keeping you and Lola in my thoughts and prayers. Your love for her ensures that whenever you make the decision, it will be right enough, and that's all any of us can hope for.

[westtexas]

My thoughts are with you and your kitty while you contemplate this difficult decision. Please know that your veterinarian is there is help you as well - we're a non-partial party who can help you evaluate quality of life and often have many strategies of our own that we have been taught or learned through life experience (since we euthanize pets as part of our daily life) that can help you arrive at a choice that is okay for all parties involved. I talk to owners daily about end of life issues because it's something we don't deal with much in people, and for some people after many years with their first pet, it's the first time they've had to deal with it themselves as well. Give your vet a call, that's what they are there for.

My only other advice to offer is - does your vet offer boarding? Perhaps you can have your sweet kitty stay with your vet while you are gone. There she will be watched carefully and cleaned up after without any problem (it's our job!). And if anything should happen - she's right there where she can get help right away.

HTH.

[Brandi]

I have been there too! A couple times as well. And it is hard. But with our 18 year old kitty I decided enough was enough and I did not want her to decline to the point where she was not her anymore. So when the vet said she was in the stages of liver failure I decided it was the right time. She had had a wonderful life. She was dh and mine's first as well and our sweetest. It was a hard one for sure. But I did not want to be away and have her get worse. I like the idea westtexas gave about leaving her at the vet's while you are away.
Is this the first time you have had to make this call?
All I can say is go with your heart. And remember do it for her not so much for you. Sometimes people will keep their fur friends around longer then they really should. More for them and not the fur baby. Does that make any sense?
Our's actually told us it was time. Sounds strange but she did. I had had another cat that we let it go to long and she passed when we were not home and my heart still hurts over that one and I really did know deep down that I should have done it. But she was in heart failure so kinda different. But she was my first and that is hard if you have never delt with it before.
Good luck and know we are all backing you up no matter what you decide.

[ivorygorgon]

Zoom-Zoom, I don't have much to add here other than to say that, like others, I have been where you are. I know it is absolutely agonizing to try to make this decision for your loved one, when they can't communicate their wishes. Only you can really measure your kitty's quality of life. And like you said, there is so much gray area, and like Oakleaf said, it is really tough to separate feelings from facts and make a rational decision.

When the time came for us to euthanize our Jeremiah, we had someone come to the house. It was a lot less stressful for everyone than trying to take him somewhere (which always stressed him out). I still can't even write this without crying.

My thoughts are out there in the universe for you. What ever you decide, I am confident, will be right for you and your kitty.

[Becky]

(((Zoom-zoom)))

[indysteel]

((((Kirsten)))). I am so sorry that you're having to face this. I only have one experience thus far with making a similar decision. I, too, felt like I was in a bit of a grey area, as Sophie was suffering from chronic renal failure. I recognized that it can be managed to some degree, but after a few awful days, I decided that in her case, her overall quality of life just wasn't likely to improve enough for a meaningful period of time, so I decided it was time. For me, most of my guilt came from not being more aggressive with her care far earlier. I failed to recognize some issues and, had I noted them earlier, she may have lived longer. For better or for worse, I learned a lot with Sophie--as my first cat. I hope to do better by Henry and Izzy.

In dealing with Sophie, it helped a bit when I accepted that I was going to hurt and feel some degree of guilt no matter when I decided to put her down. There was no way to eliminate that heavy burden. That, in an odd way, freed me to focus on her and her quality of life. It also helped when I accepted that, even with intervention, we were likely only talking about a few weeks to a couple of months of extra time with her. Extra time spent going to and from the vet. Extra time giving her pills and shots. Extra time cleaning up after she vomited or had a bad poo. When I looked at it that way, the choice just seemed a little clearer. No less painful mind you, but clearer. She looked so depleted to me. I just didn't see that changing substantially.

Given that Lola's in no immediate crisis right now, I do agree that it might be worthwile at this juncture to board her with your vet during your absence. For one, she will receive better care that way. For another, it put you in a position of feeling less pressured to make a decision NOW and that, alone, may bring some clarity to your decision.

I don't want to tell you what to do, but I will say this: As an objective bystander, I wouldn't fault you at all. Lola has lived a good life and has been well loved, and she's in some degree of discomfort and pain right now. While I agree with you that we don't put our elderly parents to sleep when they become incontitent, my guess is that many of the elderly wish there was a more peaceful and less prolonged way to pass from this life....with some degree of dignity intact. I know others may disagree, but I tend to think it's a blessing that we can relieve our elderly pets from pain and discomfort, as hard as it is, and as much as we wish they could live forever. Forgive yourself for not being able to divine the exact moment that "it's time." It's okay. Really. Please judge yourself on the entire life you provided for her.

Hugs to you, your DH and Lola.

[Velocivixen]

I certainly cannot tell you what to do. I recently had to euthanize my beloved 17 year old cat. Bottom line is that deciding to euthanize your cat will be the final loving act that you can offer your pet. Your cat will no longer be sick.

[skhill]

((((Zoom-Zoom))))

So sorry about Lola. I'm in a similar situation with my dog Pokey (he tends to leak while he sleeps, and has decided he'd rather poop in the living room than outside). But he's still enjoying his food, and seems happy when he's awake, which isn't often. There are no easy answers....

Boarding Lola at the vet's might be a good idea. If you do have your MIL catsitting, it'd be a good idea to let your vet know that she has permission to bring her in-- when I was catsitting for my brother's elderly and ill little boy this summer, he'd let the vet know that I had the authority to do whatever needed to done, if he couldn't be reached. Just a thought.

[zoom-zoom]

Thanks for all of your kind words. It's reassuring to know that so many have been in the same predicament.

Today I woke up and she was on the bed (just when we think she's too incapacitated to get up there) and I haven't found a single pee puddle (perhaps the antibiotics have taken care of the mild bladder infection and maybe that really was the cause of her inappropriate whizzing). Some days she seems so weak, then days like today she seems good. When she's awake she's so alert, too. And she's just as demanding as ever for food.

Right now I think we'll wait to make any decisions until we get back from out west, assuming that she doesn't take a fast decline in the next week or so. My MIL will just have to deal with any messes she makes, as I don't think our vet provides boarding (it's a very small country practice). We've been leaving towels in areas where Lola tends to pee, anyhow (kitchen and bathroom) and make it clear to my MIL that it's no big deal to wash these daily.

[spokewench]

My Big Kitty was incontinent probably the last year of his life; he tried to get to the box, but would go where he slept and have accidents. I had many, many towels out and under the towels I put puppy piddle pads. This saved my furniture. Although, I had to clean up the floor a lot. We have wood floors. I had to banish the Big guy from the bedroom as it was carpet and I could not trust him on the bed. He lived a happy long life and finally when he quit eating, I knew it was time. He was a big cat and loved eating; so when he quit eating, that was it.

When I left for vacation in the last year, I had a very good friend who did not mind dealing with his issues stay at the house.

It is different for everyone. It is hard to tell when is the right time. Hang in there.

[molliewog]

I recently went through this last month with my beloved Persian. She was still eating, using her box, purring etc. but the look in her eye told me that she was no longer happy. She had severe arthritis in her hips. I found this blog post, and it helped me put things in perspective and make my decision. I couldn't stand to see her suffering, and for me, I'd rather put her down sooner than later. Now I know she is no longer in pain

Best of luck in the timing of your decision. It's apparent that you love your little meow. It's certainly one of the hardest things to do!

[zoom-zoom]

I found this blog post, and it helped me put things in perspective and make my decision.

That is so eloquent...what a great piece.