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  1. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    the dry side

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    Quote Originally Posted by withm View Post
    When I bought my house, the first real estate agent I was talking drove me around to see a couple houses, none of which met the criteria I had given him as to size, price, or neighborhood. Then he essentially blew me off.

    In the meantime I started working with another agent who showed me several properties that met the criteria. I made an offer, went through a couple counter-offers, and got my house.

    The day before I went to settlement, the 1st agent called me to say a property had just come on the market in the preferred neighborhood. I took great pleasure in telling him "that's nice, but I'm settling on my new house tomorrow, in that same neighborhood." Boy was he surprised! He could not believe that I was working with a different agent?!?!?! Maybe he learned something, but I doubt it.

    Did you tell the guy why you didn't work with him? Real estate is pretty over weighted,and it benefits people who ultimately care to know where they could improve. Then again maybe he didn't care.

    We owe it to providers of poor service to politely explain why we won't be giving someone our business, to give them the chance to improve. More easily said than done, I know.
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  2. #17
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Troutdale, OR

    Next time you have to write a letter, write it to the car manufacturer rather than a dealer. As a courtesy, send a copy to the dealer. Identify the dealer, the reason for the letter writing. You will get a response. All dealerships have to answer to the car manufacturer and last thing a car manufacturer wants is a negative public image. Brand image takes a long time to develop and can be ruined overnight. So the manufacturers are very sensitive.


    See because the woman was impeccably dressed, no one at the store kept an eye out on her. Had she been not so well dressed, you or someone else may have kept an eye out on her and you wouldn't have been robbed blind. The ones with real money tend not to be over dressed nor will they be screaming "I've got money look". It has lot to do with attitude.

    I surely wouldn't say Ms. Rodham Clinton screams of money nor would I say the same for the new IMF chief, IMF Managing Director Christine Legarde. They are well dressed but they don't scream "I've got money look". Nor Ms. Condoleeza Rice, Madeline Albright... What they do scream is I've got power and you will do what I ask of you!

    I have on one occasion been followed by a sales clerk at a small resort town. She got on my nerves so I asked one of the other clerk that I wanted to speak to the owner or the manager of the store. I pointedly told the woman that I was appalled by the lack of judgement by her employee... She got my point and some religion as some would say.

  3. #18
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    smilingcat: yeah, in retrospect I should have, and perhaps I still will. It does burn me still...

    this isn't a lone female thing, but a female thing. I was reminded of this when I was telling my co-worker about my experience yesterday.

    A few months ago, I had expressed interest in acting as a driver. You drive a cube van to all the firehalls picking up and dropping things off. At first they seemed keen, but then they said I needed to take a driving assessment. Nobody else needed to do this, but whatever. The assessor was impressed and told my manager that I was one of the best drivers he's tested.

    I still haven't driven the truck... because the guy who does it right now says I can't lift things. How does he know that?? If I tried and I couldn't, then I can concede, but I hate being written off even without trying to see if I can do it.

  4. #19
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    They'll never learn.

    Go elsewhere.
    So long as the wheels are still turning, life is good.


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  5. #20
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Hillsboro, OR
    Quote Originally Posted by smilingcat View Post


    See because the woman was impeccably dressed, no one at the store kept an eye out on her. Had she been not so well dressed, you or someone else may have kept an eye out on her and you wouldn't have been robbed blind. The ones with real money tend not to be over dressed nor will they be screaming "I've got money look". It has lot to do with attitude.
    Of course! That's exactly WHY she dressed the way she did. She was not even remotely over-dressed for that particular mall. She blended in perfectly and the only reason I happened to notice her prior to the call from security was because I thought her suit was a gorgeous color. My point was just that 'you can't judge a book by it's cover'. No matter if the cover is 'male' 'female' 'black' 'white' 'fancy' 'sloppy'...it's all basically the same principle.
    My new non-farm blog: Finding Freedom

  6. #21
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Concord, MA
    Well, I have always dressed nicely (not "richly") when I go to buy something. You just get treated better. I don't get dressed up, but I think it makes a statement and helps me feel assertive.
    You can talk all you want about how this poor treatment is judgmental, but I don't think it's the "dress" part. I think it's the woman part. My DH and I have a routine we do when buying a car, where we fake argue, he defers to me, and we threaten to leave. But last time, I test drove and bought my car alone. I went to a Volvo dealer and the guy could have cared less and threw me a set of keys and said to drive it. I could have probably stolen the car. Then I went to a dealer that sold Mercedes and BMWs. They had separate salespeople. The Mercedes saleswoman was a beech and I disliked the car, too. The BMW saleswoman was a little nicer, but I liked the car. I was treated OK, even though I was buying the cheapest model + AWD which upped the price a bit. The dealership split up and now it's just BMW. I must say, the service is great and very customer oriented, even though I'm on the "red team," i.e. the people with the normal priced cars, as opposed to the 100K cars. They listen and treat you nicely there. I also had excellent service at Acton Toyota when I had my Forerunner.
    The only time I got treated weirdly because of being in bike clothes was when I went into a boutique in my own town, all sweaty from a 95 degree trip into town (4 miles). But, it was the customers in there, who were whispering about me! The salespeople were great.
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  7. #22
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    NW Illinois
    My partner did some shopping after going on a job interview. She said it was amazing how much better she was treated wearing a suit. Sales people paid more attention to her and she was getting unsolicited offers for help. What you wear definitely makes a difference. Not saying it's right, but it is what is it.
    2009 Fuji Finest RC - Dark Blue.

  8. #23
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Katy, Texas
    it also occurs to me not matter how well I am dressed, if I am out running errands withmy deaf and blind 91 year old resident FIL. He doesn't exist, or if he does they talk to him like he's mentally retarded, and me, I'm just the care attendant who probably doesn't even have a GED. I become invisible. It irritates me, and drives dad crazy and he won't put up with it, so we leave.

    When we really don't have any other options, I become very quiet and very firm.
    Sarcasm does no good because it mostly goes over their heads or vocabulary skills, so I work hard on staying neutral, extremely polite and limiting my sentances to 3 or 4 words "like he needs a bathroom scale. It must weigh in increments of 1 pound." It needs to cost under $30 dollars. Do you have that?

    If they say no I ask are you sure? Have you looked? May I speak to your manager.

    If they have looked and sincerely tried, I thank them politely, ask them for one other place that might have the item we are looking for, and then walk away.

    Can't remember who said it but someone once said " the only person who can take away your self respect is you yourself.

    Katy, Texas
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  9. #24
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Marin County CA
    Quote Originally Posted by marni View Post
    Can't remember who said it but someone once said " the only person who can take away your self respect is you yourself.

    Eleanor Roosevelt. Not exactly, but same sentiment.

    When it's easy, ride hard; when it's hard, ride easy.

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  10. #25
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Canberra Australia
    Many years ago I had the opposite happen. A longtime male friend who wanted to buy a bed asked me to go with him to help him decide (basically as ballast so he could work out how much partner disturbance there would be). The salesman kept talking to me and ignored him. I guess he assumed we were a couple and in that industry the woman has more influence about the decision.

    But when I bought my house on my own I had many frustrating experiences and one fantastic one. On several occasions male real estate agents tried to sell me houses on their books that did not even closely match the requirements I had outlined.

    On the other hand I dealt with a fabulous female real estate agent who listened carefully, took me to a lot of houses one afternoon with the caveat that she didn't think any of them was the one but to sharpen her understanding about what I liked and more importantly didn't like. A couple of weeks later she phoned me about a house that had come on the market that afternoon that she thought was ideal, I looked at it first thing next morning and put an offer in straight away. She got it completely right.

  11. #26
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    perpetual traveler
    This used to happen to me a lot when I was younger. A small, not terribly attractive woman does not seem to inspire customer service. I was ignored a lot and it pissed me off. My ego was too big to be ignored!

    Then after many years I came to be the president of a business that had about 75 employees and I participated in many community activities, serving on boards and generally becoming known in the community. I also learned to project more of a "presence." I was rarely ignored.

    It is a bit mysterious. Now I am retired and am in places where people don't have a clue who I am. I am still a small, now gray haired, not very attractive woman. But people still seem to pay attention to me and I most often get good customer service. Maybe it is marching in, immediately engaging people, and speaking with confidence. So, even guys at bike shops don't ignore me even though I don't look the least bit like a biker.

    I am not saying women are doing anything wrong when they are ignored, but maybe it is possible to turn some of it around. Unfortunately, it seems to be a bit about dominance.



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