What would you do differently?

[Irulan]

I
Would I change anything?!?!

Sometimes it takes knowing we went through crap to get us into recovery.


<generic "you" lest someone think I am singling anyone out>

I think the better question is, have you moved forward and healed? Or do you still identify yourself by what happened to you?

You CAN'T change what happened to you. But you can change your attitude and approach to life. You can look at what happened and decide to do things differently. You can break the cycle. You can toss out the tools your parents gave you and rebuild a better tool kit.

[maillotpois]

Would have been nicer & more patient with my husband and daughter. Luckily they are nicer than me and more patient with me, and late is better than never.

This one for me. To the word.

As for the rest - sure there have been plenty of bad decisions and unhappy times throughout my life. There have also been a lot of things in my life that haven't been great but have been outside my control (mentally ill mother - seems like a somewhat common theme here), but I don't think that falls under a "what I would do differently" assessment. In any event, all of the not so good has (1) made me appreciate the good times interspersed throughout and (2) led me to a place where I am really pretty darned happy right now and I don't know if I would have changed anything because all of it worked to lead me here.

Even the career choices - like several of you I was a pretty unhappy lawyer for, oh about 16 years. I went through two times where I tried to quit and do something completely different (med school and non profit administration). But I stuck with law, and was able to use the years of experience I earned in a particular area of law to work myself out of an unhappy firm partnership and out of the sort of work I was doing into something much more rewarding for me.

Maybe I wouldn't have eaten that chocolate bar last night. I mean, what is it really doing for me today, except helping give me some extra weight to carry uphill in my next double century.

[Veronica]

Nothing - everything has led me to this particular place and I'm pretty happy with it.

Veronica

[indysteel]

Sometimes it takes knowing we went through crap to get us into recovery.


<generic "you" lest someone think I am singling anyone out>

I think the better question is, have you moved forward and healed? Or do you still identify yourself by what happened to you?

You CAN'T change what happened to you. But you can change your attitude and approach to life. You can look at what happened and decide to do things differently. You can break the cycle. You can toss out the tools your parents gave you and rebuild a better tool kit.

Yep. It takes work, but it's well worth it. I wish I had a different family of origin, but I'm quite happy with my family of choice. And me. I like me.

[Roadtrip]

And me. I like me.

Amen sister!!

[Crankin]

I am very happy for my family origin. Not perfect, but, really good models for being parents. My mom should have been born in my generation...
And I really wouldn't change anything about my life now. The things I mentioned earlier, well, it's all in hindsight. I made a stupid decision at age 18, but I knew it was a stupid decision when I was doing it. It was so long ago, it doesn't matter. I've reconnected with the person who I dumped, and we both ended up having great lives. Funny, he was the perfect athlete, popular, brilliant. I was not the athlete, was smart, but nothing special in the place I grew up, and while I was popular, I didn't have guys pining over me.
Guess who's the athlete now and who has had back surgery and needs a knee replacement, while getting vicarious thrills by following Boston sports teams from afar?
I don't regret my teaching career. I wish I had had the guts to do something a little different, but I became a very good educator and it gave me strength. The time was right to switch, though and do what I was told not to do when I was a sophomore in college, because "you'll never get a job."

[Zippinalong]

Unfortunately there are so many things I would change. My life path has been difficult and frustrating. If I could start over again I would.

[solobiker]

I thought about this for a little while and came up with the conclusion that I would not change anything. Yes...I did go through some rough times and have made poor decisions in the past and I am sure I will make more. However, it has made me who I am today and I would not change that. Life is a growing and learning experience. I feel like if I don't learn something new daily then I am cheating myself out of new expereinces even if they are not the most enjoyable. You never know unless you try. IMHO

[bluebug32]

I would have started biking much sooner! Imagine how fast I could be by now...

[Trek420]

Me, I'd not get into credit card trouble in my early twenties that took me almost a decade to crawl out of ....

Oh gosh, where do I begin.

First no regrets, I am very happy about who and where I am.

I finally have no credit card debt. I paid off a little over 20k in about a year and a fraction. It was tough, it was hard, I want to thank all the little people who helped and advised including Knott and Suze Orman but it's done and ovah and will never ever happen again.

and I'd have followed my heart ....

When I got into art school the dean counseled me on major. He said there were no jobs in illustration "you might as well major in design because that's where you'll end up anyway." Desktop publishing which was just beginning to take hold as I started to get jobs. The bottom dropped out of the market when so many could pop in a CD and "I are an art director, I know Quark"

If I'd followed my heart and drawn there is no tutorial CD for "hey, I can draw"

I worked my way through art school as a souse chef. It was tough but I loved studying art during the day, painting with food at night. I'd just gotten my first "real job" as an assistant art director (which turned out to be the job and boss from he}}) when A.N asked me to come work for her at an eatery she was opening, Bridges in Danville. If you've seen Mrs Doubtfire that's the place where she performs the Heimlich on the guy. Anyway I turned her down.

Who knows where I'd be cooking now or even teaching as she does.

My biggest regret is never completing my degree .... yet. My sister and I calculated hours spent and effort to my 3rd degree black belt in Aikido and it is like a Phd. But I stopped school just shy of my bachelors. I'm collecting certifications like they're matchbooks and when life calms down will go back to school. I don't care if I'm 70 with a masters, I want one .... or several.

Oh, and past relationships if my ex is reading this brphhhht

But all this got me here and I'm happy.

[badger]

I've seen this thread grow over the past few days, and I have to admit I hadn't participated because I honestly have nothing major that I would have done differently. Yes, I had regrets after my dog died of me having yelled at him when I was so stressed over his elder care, but I still wouldn't have changed in having him.

I could have chosen a different major, but I still don't know what I want to be, so I suspect I would still be just as clueless.

But, tonight I did something really stupid that I do wish I had done differently. I took every care possible to make a zucchini cake with this lovely zucchini my co-worker gave me. The wonderful smells filled my apartment and my mouth was watering. It looked beautiful. I cut into it and put some butter and sank my teeth into it.

It was strangely salty, and I was thinking how strange that oil that I used to coat the pan would be salty. But then every time I chewed it got saltier...I put salt instead of sugar!! I had three little bags of what I thought were bulk-bought sugar, but one of them was salt. Since I only use sea salt from a box it never occurred to me that I would have bought salt in bulk.

I truly wish I had tasted it when I had a fleeting thought that one part of sugar looked finer than the rest. So, my estimate is I had about 1/2 cup of salt in it...

Way to ruin a good zucchini bread

[Bike Chick]

I wish I hadn't been such a doormat with my first husband, I wish I had finished college, I wish I hadn't married my second husband so soon, I wish I had started riding bikes and doing triathlons when I was 20 years younger, I wish, I wish, I wish.........The road I've traveled has been pretty bumpy but it's brought me right where I am today and that's a good place. I'm happy and content and you can't ask for more than that.

There are some days that I wish I had the body I had when I was 23 with the knowledge I have at 53. Boy, would I have some fun!

[newfsmith]

The only things I would change, would be the things that are impossible to change: the mine wouldn't have collapsed on my brother. But it did and it has shaped my entire life. It has not destroyed it, it did cut off some options, at the same time it helped me face the reality of life and death. That lead me to change some of my priorities away from achievement to focus more on relationships. On the other hand, if I could have my brother back, I could deal with being a more shallow person.

[shootingstar]

The only things I would change, would be the things that are impossible to change: the mine wouldn't have collapsed on my brother. But it did and it has shaped my entire life. It has not destroyed it, it did cut off some options, at the same time it helped me face the reality of life and death. That lead me to change some of my priorities away from achievement to focus more on relationships. On the other hand, if I could have my brother back, I could deal with being a more shallow person.

I don't about you, but when my sister was alive, it feels like the whole time period was a dream...not so long ago.

But even now, it feels almost dream-like because the people left and who still love one another.

It is a long ride that once taking a road, I can ride back, but things look different in an opposite direction than arriving.

[macski]

there are some days that i wish i had the body i had when i was 23 with the knowledge i have at 53. Boy, would i have some fun!

lol

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