No sympathy, please.

[NbyNW]

Shootingstar, I was unaware of your previous work, and of course there will be variation among individuals regarding their experiences and sensitivities and the like.

The point that I REALLY wanted to make is that comparing the OP's struggle to adapt to life with RA to someone who relies on a mobility aid is not the same, and not very helpful to the OP. What would be helpful to her is examples of how others with RA manage their symptoms, stay positive, stay active, etc.

[Crankin]

I am surprised at the vehemence of reactions to this post. There are several here, including myself, who have been through a similar thing. It is hard to understand if it hasn't happened to you. We all have a certain "vision" of ourselves and when that is shattered, for whatever reason, it takes time to readjust the "new" you. When it is a change that you really don't want to make, even if it's the best for you, it is incredibly difficult. So while now I can take the time to smell the roses, I didn't want to hear that a couple of years ago, and I still get upset when I see or hear of others *older* than me, with much worse health issues, who are doing more. What helps me, is to put it in perspective from the point of view of my "regular" friends. They think I am a superwoman.
And that's where the counseling comes in. Try to forget that I'm a counselor... because when I went for counseling when I was going through this, I wasn't. I wasn't depressed... I was angry. I felt like my body had betrayed me. That, and a good dose of anxiety was making my situation worse. It really just took a neutral outside observer to help me see some things that I knew, but didn't want to admit. Dealing with a chronic illness is a difficult thing. Pair that with someone who is athletic and maybe competitive, there's a lot of adjusting to do. We've all found our own way.

[redrhodie]

I sit here and shake my head and sigh, as I struggle to find a solution that fits in with my life. I hired a trainer two weeks ago, and that is going well. I need someone to push me when I can't push myself. I am still doing my work-outs 5-6 times a week, but it is a mental struggle nearly every time. The pain and fatigue don't seem worth it sometimes. I am a therapist, and I use my mind and body to work everyday, and it's exhausting on it's own sometimes (most times).

My questions are:
How the heck am I going to ride the storm out?
How will I be able to do the Tri's and rides I do every year if I can't match my intensity of prior years?
Is this all there is?????

Z~

I think you need to incorporate at least one more rest day per week. Working out 5-6 times per week when you're not feeling great sounds like too much to me. There's a time for pushing yourself, but this may not be it. And I mean real rest, with some pampering. Do you get massage therapy? That really helps with recovery, both physical and mental, IMO. Also how is your diet? Are you eating enough? You're not starving yourself to lose weight, are you? I would consider consulting a nutritionist.

Know that there will be good times ahead. This is temporary.

[mudmucker]

Z,

I think just about all of us who have responded in this thread has experienced a physical setback or diagnosis that was very disruptive to our lives. We have responded because we each can identify with it. Last year I was diagnosed with cancer and am dealing with some of the physical aftermath of that. I have 2 autoimmune diseases with another one brewing (that being mild RA and am seeing a rhuematlogist myself). I also have been an active athlete my entire life, and had a competitive nature in my earlier years.

I am 50 now. Just about each and every day any one of those ailments alone or together cause me some level of fatigue or physical discomfort or pain. I have understood, these are the cards I am now dealt with and I may never be who I was in terms of physical performance. The only option is to move forward in as least negative fashion as possible - there can be some positive light within all of this. But you don't have to be deprived of physical performance or competition. It is still there available for you. As others have said, it may just be different.

For me, the hardest part of all these ailments is the fatigue. Once I have ongoing fatigue, it just unsettles my whole system. It's exasperating. I resort to autopilot and begin to function at what I call my highest preservation mode. Then I must do everything I can to preserve my sleep hours - that is if I'm lucky enough to have some good sleep hours. That means if I'm not feeling well, tone down the volume of extreme physical activity. That means, maybe use that day for pilates or yoga instead of an intense workout. That means, I might have to cut out on some social engagements because I am just not up to it. That means I may have to cut out the alchohol that I wanted that evening. And many more. Add pain to that and it sure doesn't help. Add a high octane job with a long commute to that and that sure doesn't help. You also mention, the pain, the fatigue, and an exhausting job. So these are some of the compromises I must retain. Yes, I still go out and cycle, run and xc ski because it's something I must do. You are a competitive athelete so you know how to read your body. But as many other have mentioned, with the pain and fatigue of RA you will have to do a little adjusting and take heed of your readings. You will not be able to ignore things as you may have in the past. As numerous others have said, pamper yourself. Over the years though, because I have read and done my adjustments now I have some days or waves where I have contiguous days of feeling good. I have learned how to adjust by listening and finding what works and have developed my own set of tools to accomodate with what seems to be a very uncooperative body. Ultimately then, despite ailments I end up with some fairly good physical performances for my age. But that's not from working out 6 days a week. That's from working out smartly and using each less frequent workout to a maximum advantage - not wasting workout time on things that may not be as beneficial. Reading your new body and making your new adjustments however will take time. It can all be ok. As for dealing with the specific pain that your level of RA gives..that I can't answer.

Redrhodie points out something very important. And that is food. With all the fatigue and pain you are fighting against, you will require the best nourishment. As an athelete you know this intellectually. You mention the weight issues and she has astutely remarked on taking care not to compromise the nourishment you require for the extra added pain and fatigue you are experiencing with the desire to lose weight. If in fact that is happening it certainly is contributing to more fatigue.

And for the answer to your question, "is this it?". Other previous posters have made thoughtful remarks and answered, no it is not. It just may be different. And listen to the numerous reponses advocating being open to new doors and opportunities to incorporate something different that you haven't thought of.

All of this however, is all part of the aging process in general anyways, and what we all must do to accomodate ourselves as time goes on. Your situation is just a little accelerated and maybe more extreme than others around you.

[malkin]

No sympathy?
Be careful what you ask for.

Go knott!

[tulip]

I don't think she's coming back. Not sure I would, either. I wish her well.

[OakLeaf]

I hope my posting this doesn't creep her out more ... but one of the stats available on the public profiles is your last visit, and she did check in yesterday evening. Hopefully she's seen this thread evolve ... and hopefully she hasn't been hurt by what any of us has said.

We can get a little intense here.

[mudmucker]

We can get a little intense here.

Yes, I notice this typically happens about this time of year when many of us are all cooped up. It tends to dissipate when spring rolls around and we all get out on our bikes.

[emily_in_nc]

Yes, I notice this typically happens about this time of year when many of us are all cooped up. It tends to dissipate when spring rolls around and we all get out on our bikes.

True, but I love these winter threads. Since most of us aren't riding much, if any, this time of year, it allows us to talk about deeper things. Yes, maybe it can get intense, but some really interesting and insightful stuff comes out of these discussions, I think.

[emily_in_nc]

Emily, I thought you were younger than me.

Heheh, had you fooled! Actually most people think I'm in my early 40s. But I think that's as much because of the way I act as the way I look. I'm pretty hyper.

I've decided that I'm really going to embrace turning 50. When I turned 40, I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't look 40, didn't feel 40, and thought that sounded so "old". That was a hard birthday for me. So, I didn't mention my age to most people through most of my 40s; I just let them keep guessing. Now, I've decided that since I look pretty fit and youthful for 50, I'm not going to shy away from revealing my age. Perhaps I'll get a few responses along the lines of "No way! You don't look 50!" If so, that will make me feel pretty good. And if not, I'll try not to care.

[NbyNW]

Speaking of the turn of decades, I had the most delightful conversation over the phone yesterday, with a gal at my insurance agent's office. She was talking about the experience of recently turning 29 and going on 30, and how she was just gaining a new appreciation for everything and everyone around her. She was feeling so grateful that she could spend her lunch break running on the Burke-Gilman trail, train for her first tri at Lake Sammamish, loving the discovery of an active lifestyle that her in-laws introduced her to . . . it was one of those infectiously happy conversations. And she apologized for talking my ear off, but I felt so happy for her and so enjoyed hearing about her experiences I told her to keep talking.

She was taking a wonderful, celebratory, big bite out of life at the prospect of turning 30. I loved hearing about it.

Those decades can be a big deal. I do remember being almost too busy to notice when I turned 30. I'm a couple years away from 40 . . . wonder if I'll be too busy again or if it will be a time for reflection.

[jobob]

40 wasn't hard for me at all; 45, on the other hand, was a little bit rough, because right around then I started to need reading glasses and I started to notice other things that reminded me I was getting on in years, argh.

But my 50th, that was an excellent birthday -- it wasn't too long after my recovery from my bike crash and I had a lot to be thankful for!

[Crankin]

30 and 40, no big deal. 45 bothered me a lot. I was getting fat and unhappy. 50... no problem, nor 55. I think 60 is really going to bother me.
Most people think I am in my 40s. I went out to dinner with someone I worked with at my internship last year the other night. She asked me, "How old are you?" When I said 57, I could see her eyes get wide. She definitely thought I was about 45.
I don't say anything to anyone about my age. Yesterday, I went for my physical. I saw a new person in the practice, who asked me what the secret of my excellent hdl/ldl ratio was at "my age." I replied that there was no secret: diet and exercise.

[ridebikeme]

KNot, I love your attitude! I had several college coaches with that mindset, and have to say that they motivated me at times when I didn't have any!

I think the hardest thing sometimes is the expectiations we put on ourselves. We always strive to do more, and sometimes it comes back to haunt us. While I have no great words of encouragment, I would say that we should all be thankful for each and every day that we have here. Take care of yourself physically, but also don't forget to take care of the soul... that is the driving force behind all of us. It's the part that allows us to get in touch with everything around us. I've often heard that people who live in Alaska say that they felt a great deal of energy while living there, and while I can't fully understand it... I tend to believe it.

So lastly, I would say compete only with yourself, make yourself better and in the end that's all we can do. Keep a journal of good and bad days, workouts, sleep patterns, diet etc... perhaps that will lend some useful information.

take care!

[OakLeaf]

Heh, I'm 51, and I have yet to have a birthday as hard as 25 was.

Reference that depression I mentioned. It was four years later before I started treatment. At 25, I was back in school after a two-year hiatus after undergrad. A third of my life was over and I hadn't accomplished anything!

It's funny to look back on, but I really struggled with it at the time.

50, meh. 40, even less so. At 30, so many things were going on in my life that it was actually kind of exciting.

If I make it to 60 (part of thinking and feeling young, for me, is NOT believing I'm immortal the way so many people seem to when they get to be our age) - I may struggle with that. Hard to tell yet. (ETA - that's probably part of why turning 40 was so easy for me. I turned 40 not long before the turn of the millennium. In the 1980s I don't think I knew a single soul who thought we'd survive to see the year 2000.)