rofl - this sounds like a Calvin Klein add:
Nothing comes between me and my shorts!
But if you were wearing cycling shorts - what brand were they?......do you tend towards allergies? Is it possible you are allergic to something in the chamois?
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming: "Yeah Baby! What a Ride!"