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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
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    northern california
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    1,460

    Stupid things that instantly piss you off

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    I HATE being called Mrs. I don't know why, but it instantly sends me around the bend. I've been known to lecture checkout people in the grocery store when they do their mindless "Thank you, Mrs. RG for shopping with us today". DON'T assume I'm Mrs. Call me Ms. or call me by my first name. I can go from zero to Wildly Furious in nothing flat when someone calls me Mrs.

    I received a solicitation in the mail from a charity today addressed to Mrs. RG. Instead of merely tearing it up I had to send it back with a long letter about not assuming that women are Mrs.

    I know it's a very minor thing in the grand scheme of life. But it pisses me off!

    Any of you guys have a button pusher like this?

    (BTW, I'm from New York. "You guys" is non gender specific.)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    San Francisco Bay Area
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    9,324
    I really dislike letters addressed to me as Mrs. Thom XXXX. My first name is not Thom. My MIL always addresses letters to me like that - even though I've told her it offends me. And that's what really bugs me... that she does it because she feels it's proper even though I have told her my feelings.

    Veronica
    Discipline is remembering what you want.


    TandemHearts.com

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Newport, RI
    Posts
    3,821
    I have many of those, but my main peeve is when people text message at the movie theater. I give "the hairy eyeball" to anyone who does it. I find it so distracting, especially since I start to imagine the texts... Have you seen this? Yeah, her hair looks good. OMG what just happened!? I missed it. That was a guy?

    I loved it when that conductor stopped the performance a few years ago when a cell phone rang in the audience. He's my people.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    1,648
    This pushes my buttons, too. How hard is it to use "Ms." when in doubt? I thought it was a safe default. I honestly think some people just never learned this basic thing about manners and how to properly address people.

    I've got a slightly different variation of this pet peeve, but I think it's pretty close to yours.

    I had a manager who kept addressing me as "Miss HusbandsLastName." He was basically the same age (30-something) as me, maybe he thought he was being cute. It was pretty well known that I am a Mrs., and I let it be known that I felt it was inappropriate to refer to me as Miss -- in this case it felt as if the manager was trying to assert hierarchy in what should be a relatively collegial environment. I told him directly that "Miss" was inappropriate, and if he insisted on not using my first name, he should address me as "Ms." or Mrs." And I was definitely not to be addressed as "Miss Husband'sLastName"

    To me, using "Miss" in a professional setting has some mid-century connotations: less or inferior education, supportive/administrative "office girl" status. Kind of like how the women in the office are treated in Mad Men.

    I didn't mind being called Miss MaidenName when that's who I was.

    I didn't mind in college when an elderly professor addressed everyone in his seminar as "Mr." or "Miss." He explained to us on day one that it was a custom of his generation that he had not been able to shake; it set a formal tone for his classroom; and it actually made us feel rather grown up, at 18-19 years old, to be addressed that way. And to be fair, as a sept- or octogenarian, he probably earned the right to call us all "Miss." I'm sure if there were any married female students in the class he probably would have taken pains to call them "Mrs."

    The manager kept using "Miss." Didn't matter that I had the same degree from the same university. Or that in this day/age/year/progressive city/contemporary profession, the norm is to be collegial and simply use first names. At the end of the day it was just one of many things that made me decide the company was not a good fit for me.

    Another anecdote comes to mind: I had a teacher in HS, a woman, who had her Ph.D. Her husband did not. But their mail was often addressed "Dr. and Mrs." when it should have been "Mr. and Dr."

    People can be really dumb about this stuff.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
    Posts
    13,394
    I get easily pissed off when people have loud personal conversations in public places. Loud cell phone calls, too.
    I also had the same pet peeve as Veronica, and it was my older relatives who addressed me as Mrs. Steve Crankin. But, they are all gone now. I don't mind Mrs., probably from all those years as a teacher. I am one of the few in my program at Lesley University that uses that title on my official correspondence; in fact I am one of the few in my program that has the same name as my DH. I use both my last names.
    Oh yeah, and insufferable parents who carry on conversations about their precious darlings who are just going through the same normal developmental stages as every other kid on earth.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    1,372
    I work in a building full of PhDs, including my boss. Her husband, also a PhD had the office at the end of the hall. My office was on the cross hall right between their offices and on a main thoroughfare.

    A manager once introduced several people, all men except for my boss, to a visitor

    "Mr Smith, this is Doctor Jones and Dr Chen, and Doctor Boss and Mrs Boss".

    I stood up out of my chair, ran to the door of my office... and my boss gave me a "shut up or die" look, so I slunk back to my chair.

    I'm still furious about it, though, and it's been years.
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  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    where the wind comes sweeping down the plain
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    5,251
    I have the opposite issue. What bothers me is when my kids (older grades) call me Miss Brown. I'm a Mrs. dangit. I'm married. I wear an obvious wedding ring. My name tag says Mrs. Brown for crying out loud. The big name plaque on the outside of my door says Mrs. Brown. How hard is it to insert the *R* in my title?
    It also really bugs me when parents send me e-mails and address it as "Dear Miss Brown." Makes me feel like they are instantly putting themselves *above* me by addressing me as a young person (and I'm as old if not older than many of them).

    If you're really unsure if I'm married or not, address me as Ms. I'm damn near 40- I think I'm a little past the *Miss* phase in life.
    Last edited by Tri Girl; 04-05-2010 at 05:41 PM.
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  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    San Francisco Bay Area
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    9,324
    Quote Originally Posted by Crankin View Post
    Oh yeah, and insufferable parents who carry on conversations about their precious darlings who are just going through the same normal developmental stages as every other kid on earth.

    Or the parents of the kids who did not get the "smart" gene. Why is so hard for our society to say that there are kids who are just not very bright and they are going to struggle through school? I get tired of the parents who expect me to make their kid a genius. For some kids, there is just not enough extra help. Maybe with a little more cognitive development, it will all click, but I can't make that happen. Nobody wonders why not every kid makes the team. Intellectual muscle is really no different.

    Veronica
    Discipline is remembering what you want.


    TandemHearts.com

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Between the Blue Ridge and the Chesapeake Bay
    Posts
    5,203
    Hmmm...those don't bother me. When I was called Mrs. HisLastName when I was married, it sounded funny because I kept my own last name, but I certainly didn't take any offense. I haven't really noticed if people call me Mrs. or Miss or Ms, although I work with alot of people who address me formally. Whatever, I usually just say, "Please, call me by my first name." But that throws them for a loop because I have a very unusual first name. Sometimes I shorten it for them.

    When I worked for a company (as opposed to from home now), I could not stand the banter from new and expecting mothers (and a few dads) about constipation (if they were preggers), babies and poop and throwing up and all as if it was so cute...IN THE LUNCHROOM! My goodness, people! NOT WHEN AND WHERE WE EAT! In fact, not at work! WE DON'T CARE! And I always wondered if there were other people around who may have been trying to start families without success. The incessant babble was inconsiderate on number of levels.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Central Indiana
    Posts
    6,034
    Right now, my pet peeve is aggressive drivers. I went from a five-minute commute recently to a fifty-minute one. If one more driver rides my tail in a vain attempt to go faster or intimidate me into going faster, I'm gonna go postal. By the end of my commute, I've just about had it. It's rush hour. Exactly how fast do you think you're going to manage to go even if I get out of your way?

    Grrrrrrr!!!!!! And no, I cannot commute by bike.
    Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Continue to learn. Appreciate your friends. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.

    --Mary Anne Radmacher

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Western Canada-prairies, mountain & ocean
    Posts
    6,984
    I can see NBNwy how a guy near your age addressing you as "Miss" is ...well actually laughable, but quite patronizing when he knows you are married. You might remind him it is the 21st century.

    As mentioned before, I did work for a German engineering firm. In configuring our database software, I had to explain to the rambunctious computer German support person that we needed a Ms. selection in the database field menu drop-down when drafting a letter.

    He had never heard of 'Ms.' This is an university educated guy...in Germany. There is no German equivalent or at least not commonly known, if my dearie doesn't know by now.

    I had to explain the basic (feminist) philosophy that the marital status of a woman in the workplace ..really is of no reflection on her competence/work performance.

    Occasionally people refer me as "Miss"..it's not totally inaccurate. But if they know me, it's first name, for even the most heavily male-dominant organizations..and I've worked for 4 different ones out of several employers

    What ticks me off which some other women might find complimentary, is when some men wink at me upon knowing me in the workplace. I've had 2 senior managers do this to me...what the hell for? The manner in which it was done was to 'soften' me or get me to do something. I was a manager myself, running a department and supervising other staff.

    Just ask to me respectfully to do something . No need to butter me up.
    When it happens I just continue talking as if I didn't notice. It never happens again.
    Last edited by shootingstar; 04-05-2010 at 06:19 PM.
    My Personal blog on cycling & other favourite passions.
    遙知馬力日久見人心 Over a long distance, you learn about the strength of your horse; over a long period of time, you get to know what’s in a person’s heart.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    Blessed to be all over the place!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tri Girl View Post
    I'm a Mrs. dangit. I'm married. ... If you're really unsure if I'm married or not, address me as Ms. I'm damn near 40- I think I'm a little past the *Miss* phase in life.
    Tri Girl makes it easy to know what she prefers.

    In business, I've almost gone exclusively to addressing people - male and female - by their first name...and to the surprise of many! It's just too hard and complicated to know what someone's preference is and the risk of offending someone is just not worth it.


    Quote Originally Posted by indysteel View Post
    I'm gonna go postal.
    Indy! You work in a federal office building! Don't say it!
    If you don't grow where you're planted, you'll never BLOOM - Will Rogers

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    1,708
    When I teach Spinning, the biggest hot button I have is people running their mouths and making my class a personal chit chat party.

    Some teachers at my gym do run their classes that way. I love to chat to people before, and get to know them. HOWEVER... once I start class, unless it's about music or the ride itself... it's time to zip it.

    I also hate this even as a student rider. Sometimes it has taken everything I have to not yell out...

    "HEY! NEWSFLASH... THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU! SO, STFU!".

    Gheez... just typing that sentance makes me almost foam at the mouth lol.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Western Canada-prairies, mountain & ocean
    Posts
    6,984
    I do wonder at times if being short and petite prompts certain responses from various people. It would not surprise me if some people are unprepared by my style - for a woman, I'm a straight shooter in terms of personal style in the workplace. Which can be both good and not so good for certain situations.
    My Personal blog on cycling & other favourite passions.
    遙知馬力日久見人心 Over a long distance, you learn about the strength of your horse; over a long period of time, you get to know what’s in a person’s heart.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Uncanny Valley
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    Quote Originally Posted by shootingstar View Post
    I do wonder at times if being short and petite prompts certain responses from various people.
    Huh. They don't even see you. Literally. Not just men, but women too, will run me down on the sidewalk if I don't get out of their way... and I'm 5'3". I can't imagine what it must be for someone much shorter.

    DH got angry with me for "always yielding." Just to prove a point, I didn't, for a couple of blocks. After I'd bounced off of four people's chests, he relented.
    Speed comes from what you put behind you. - Judi Ketteler

 

 

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