Ha, you did everything I did wrong, but all in the first ride! congrats on that.
You will surely get better with time. I still mess the chains up sometimes when i think i am on the middle chain ring and i'm NOT.
About your sit bones being sore,that is to be expected. About your girl parts being sore, that means either the bike is not fitting you properly or the saddle needs to be replaced. That is unacceptable.
enjoy your new bike but go back and complain about that saddle pain!