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  1. #76
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    Davis
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    I've just read through the thread, and I have to say, the spin down has been pretty ugly~ and the OP isn't the one that looks bad!

    I'm glad your ex knows the truth, that you did love her. That alone can be healing, since from her perspective, that may not have been the case, from what I could gather from your post. I think it's a great gift for you to give to her!

    I'm in the belief that only truth can start a true healing process, otherwise things fester, and don't let you move on. I should know!

    You also sound like the kind of guy that has learned from his past relationships~ which bodes well for future ones! Good luck.

    _________________________
    True, I know nothing of other forums, but I know we've had some of us also start threads of a personal nature, in the non-cycling thread, and it wasn't a problem, and the viewpoint of women here were great! Supportive, reasonable, well-thought out, and it made me think, 'man, when I have an issue, I'm going to ask here! These women are so cool, and wise to boot!' ... now I guess not.
    Last edited by deedolce; 07-02-2009 at 01:21 PM.

  2. #77
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Hillsboro, OR
    Posts
    5,023
    Quote Originally Posted by Biciclista View Post
    Remember when he continued to "spare us the details?" the details are rather um, not what you and I really want to know about a stranger that posts on an internet forum.

    This is a bike forum.
    But he did spare us the details. If you choose to dig for them elsewhere, that has no bearing on his behaviour here, does it?

    And while yes, this is a bike forum, we still talk about non-bike stuff...particularly in the 'open topic (non-cycling) forum'. His questions have as much right to be here as the thread about gardening.

    If he'd been a woman asking the same questions, would anyone have questioned it?
    My new non-farm blog: Finding Freedom

  3. #78
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Sillycon Valley, California
    Posts
    4,870
    Everyone needs to back off and stop with the snotty comments. If I have deleted each post I feel is inappropriate. I don't want to hear "but it's a man on our boards", we've been through that enough.

    If you don't like the thread, get out of it, ignore it and move on. NOW.
    Last edited by snapdragen; 07-02-2009 at 05:13 PM.

  4. #79
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
    Posts
    13,394
    Thank you, Snap. I may have just come home from dinner where I had a wee bit too much wine, but, ladies, get over it. This is open topic, non-cycling related. Celery has been on this forum for awhile. Nothing he said makes me think he is a troll or even weird for asking his questions here. And I am generally a good judge of these things.
    It makes me sad that some of us are suspicious because he is a man. I know I am lucky that I have an awesome husband of almost 30 years, but, I really feel that you cannot make generalizations about "men" any more than you can about any other group. I still believe he really just wanted our feedback.

  5. #80
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    1,414
    As far as I can tell, the boys here (Mr. Silver, Boy in a Kilt, Mr. SR500, Pscyclepath, etc) are good peeps.

    I also don't see what the big deal about this post is. I agree that if a woman had posted it, no one would have thought twice about it.

  6. #81
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Central Indiana
    Posts
    6,043
    Quote Originally Posted by liza View Post
    As far as I can tell, the boys here (Mr. Silver, Boy in a Kilt, Mr. SR500, Pscyclepath, etc) are good peeps.

    I also don't see what the big deal about this post is. I agree that if a woman had posted it, no one would have thought twice about it.

    I want to state for the record that I have no issue with the men on this forum. I also don't take issue with the personal nature of Celery's question. I wouldn't have repeatedly responded to it if I did. Granted, I may have disagreed with him, but that's okay I presume.

    I will admit that the reference to Google caught my attention and I was puzzled when my own search didn't turn up much of anything. We do get the ocassional troll here, however, so I thought it was possible that something funny was going on.

    Beyond that, I'm sorry that the thread devolved as it did. Every now and again, I get the impression that we--myself included--are taking things on TE a wee bit too seriously. Without saying anybody was wrong here, it might be in our collective best interest--and I again include myself in this--to just lighten up a bit. I'm sorry if that suggestion offends anyone. It's sincerely meant to be constructive.
    Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Continue to learn. Appreciate your friends. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.

    --Mary Anne Radmacher

  7. #82
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    the dry side
    Posts
    4,367
    I will apologize for being overly snarky, but I am very uncomfortable with the whole personal sharing thing from a guy. To me, it's out the boundaries of what I come here for.

  8. #83
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    3,867
    Yesterday, she told me that ever since Michael Jackson passed, she keeps seeing the music video for "You Are Not Alone"...and she thinks of me and cries every time she see's it. She's been telling her fiance that she's just having a female moment...and he doesn't question it. lol Other funny thing is...neither of us are really Michael Jackson fans. Anyway, I just watched the video on youtube as I'm not familiar with the song...
    RED FLAG! RED FLAG! RED FLAG!

    You need to get AWAY from her as fast as possible, try not to be the "one" she screws over her fiancee with. No matter what's going on with her feelings, she is UNAVAILABLE. You need to face that fact, and commit to not speaking with her at all forever if that's what it takes.

    Her behavior is reprehensible and her fiancee would be alarmed if he knew this. That is the test of whether her behavior is acceptable. If she wouldn't tell him the truth about her emotional outbursts, she is hiding things from him, and that is no way to begin a marriage. That means she is not committed--but that doesn't matter to YOU.

    Put yourself in his shoes. Do not talk to her again, no matter how tempting and soothing it is to your feelings.

    Also in the BTDT camp,

    Karen
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    insidious ungovernable cardboard

  9. #84
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Paradise
    Posts
    696
    Boy I wish I had time to log onto here more often than I do just to see what all the hype was about with deleted comments. I always miss the good stuff.

    BUT I just want to say to CELERY - we all have someone in our past that makes us ponder the what if's. That's just a reality of love/lust/youth/stupidity.

    What the bottom line is that you are no longer with them for a reason. Whether or not you think it was a good reason is irrelevant. Trying to change that path now will only kill the good memories you have left. And can actually make the two of you end up hating each other.

    Let it go, Louie. If you REALLY love her, let her go find her happiness with someone else. Your male ego can handle it. I promise.
    ~Petra~
    Bianchiste TE Girls

    flectere si nequeo superos, Achaeronta movebo

  10. #85
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Riding my Luna & Rivendell in the Hudson Valley, NY
    Posts
    8,403
    Quote Originally Posted by snapdragen View Post
    If I have deleted each post I feel is inappropriate.
    I've never been deleted or censored on TE before. Even when I feel strongly about something or speak my mind, I've always remained civil. I'm disappointed that you felt I was being inappropriate.
    Lisa
    Our bikes...OurBikes...and my mountain dulcimer blog
    Ruby's Website and My blog
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

  11. #86
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Coeur d'Alene, Idaho
    Posts
    86
    Quote Originally Posted by Tuckervill View Post
    RED FLAG! RED FLAG! RED FLAG!

    You need to get AWAY from her as fast as possible, try not to be the "one" she screws over her fiancee with. No matter what's going on with her feelings, she is UNAVAILABLE. You need to face that fact, and commit to not speaking with her at all forever if that's what it takes.

    Her behavior is reprehensible and her fiancee would be alarmed if he knew this. That is the test of whether her behavior is acceptable. If she wouldn't tell him the truth about her emotional outbursts, she is hiding things from him, and that is no way to begin a marriage. That means she is not committed--but that doesn't matter to YOU.

    Put yourself in his shoes. Do not talk to her again, no matter how tempting and soothing it is to your feelings.

    Also in the BTDT camp,

    Karen
    + 1000!

    Wise words!

  12. #87
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    4,516
    Wow. I just read this. I have to say I'm highly disappointed and more than a little appalled. And not in the OP's query. Please let it go - and stop the personal attacks. Is there a way to lock this thread - it's way outlived its use IMO.
    Last edited by Blueberry; 07-02-2009 at 08:06 PM.
    Most days in life don't stand out, But life's about those days that will...

  13. #88
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    894
    First of all Celery, I'm sorry you are having love trouble.
    The other day when this thread came up I saw the word 'emergency' and I looked it up thinking it would be health-related. Then I read the first paragraph:
    Now...onto my problem...this might get long, its relationship stuff...
    I'm really the last person in the world that you would want relationship advice from - so I did not read further and went back to the bicycle posts. At least with bikes I sort of know what I'm talking about.
    This afternoon - two days later!!! the thread title is still on the top lines, and has a row of page numbers next to it. So I figured it must be some instructive discussion and decided to read through the posts - who knows, I could learn something. Unfortunately, I read most of the thread before Snapdragen's intervention (thank you Snapdragen you rock!), fairly inappropriate posts included, which really were disappointing and had no reason to be. This is an internet forum, there's room for everyone, and no need to be territorial. How about we just help each other without being aggressive?

    And Celery, since now I came back to read the last posts and made the effort of logging in, I will pitch in my two cents of advice. Just please kindly PM me a signed waiver, will you? 'cos it's not my specialty and I take no responsibility here!
    just kidding...

    I am with Pedal Wench and Flybye here, joining the 'opposition':
    It is very rare that we are given a second chance in life. Rare in business, very rare in health, even more rare in relationships.
    There is no coincidence - so if you were thinking about this ex-girlfriend now, and if she was thinking about you now - there may be a reason.
    We have only today. Do not leave things unsaid or undone, do not find yourself wondering 'what if', do not wait for tomorrow. If you have something more to say to your ex, do it today - and then let you both find peace. What she will do with it - that is not for you to decide, it's in her hands. If her committment to her fiance is faltering - better for them to find out today than after the vows have been exchanged. If you two believe you are committed to each other, better to find out today - when you can still change plans without wrecking a marriage.
    Do what you feel is right, and do it now. Regret is not a good travel companion to walk with.

    And last, do me a favor - I know, I'm just a stranger on the internet - but still I gave you my share of (bad) advice, so now do me a favor: go to the local bookstore and buy yourself a book. It's called 'failing forward' by John Maxwell. I sometimes give it to the residents when they have a harsh setback, and invariably it helps them raise back up and spring forward. It's mostly about business, but really business is about relationship - so it could be of help.

    Good luck to you - and I hope this little bit of turmoil will not scare you away from the TE forum


    What the heck is wrong with me lately? I used to sign in, tell people "go buy a Bianchi" and sign out - and lately I'm writing this unbelievably long posts - must be the full moon coming, or maybe old age...
    E.'s website: www.earchphoto.com

    2005 Bianchi 928C L'Una RC
    2010 BMC SLX01 racemaster
    2008 BMC TT03 Time Machine
    Campy Record and SSM Aspide naked carbon on all bikes

  14. #89
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Sillycon Valley, California
    Posts
    4,870
    Quote Originally Posted by BleeckerSt_Girl View Post
    I've never been deleted or censored on TE before. Even when I feel strongly about something or speak my mind, I've always remained civil. I'm disappointed that you felt I was being inappropriate.
    I'm sorry you're disappointed. I went back and reviewed your post, though not as bad as some of the others, it was still unnecessary and mean spirited.

  15. #90
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Riding my Luna & Rivendell in the Hudson Valley, NY
    Posts
    8,403
    Quote Originally Posted by snapdragen View Post
    I'm sorry you're disappointed. I went back and reviewed your post, though not as bad as some of the others, it was still unnecessary and mean spirited.
    Well I strongly disagree, but I won't argue about it anymore.
    Lisa
    Our bikes...OurBikes...and my mountain dulcimer blog
    Ruby's Website and My blog
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

 

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