Welcome guest, is this your first visit? Click the "Create Account" button now to join.

To disable ads, please log-in.

Shop at TeamEstrogen.com for women's cycling apparel.

Page 4 of 8 FirstFirst 12345678 LastLast
Results 46 to 60 of 107
  1. #46
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    N. California
    Posts
    440

    To disable ads, please log-in.

    I changed my name. And...changed it again. And...might someday change it again. (some people collect shot glasses..)Once upon a time, it had old fashioned appeal for me. Now I just know how much it would mean to bf, should that day ever come. We'll see.
    Be yourself, to the extreme!

  2. #47
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Beautiful NW or Left Coast
    Posts
    5,619
    Quote Originally Posted by MM_QFC! View Post
    Actually, the standard French abbreviation is "née", meaning: 'born'; it is used to denote the birth name or family name for when (usually) a woman who is now married, decides to take her spouse's surname.
    thanks MM, I did not know that!!
    I like Bikes - Mimi
    Watercolor Blog

    Davidson Custom Bike - Cavaletta
    Dahon 2009 Sport - Luna
    Old Raleigh Mixte - Mitzi

  3. #48
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Puget Sound area, Washington state
    Posts
    765
    Hey Mimi - and I also remember the term: MCP!

  4. #49
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Between the Blue Ridge and the Chesapeake Bay
    Posts
    5,203
    Yes, my French passport, national ID card, and consulate card have both names: née and my (ex) husband's last name. I never changed my name when I was married many years ago, but I wanted to. My husband did not want me to change it. I longed for a "normal" name that I would not need to spell out. Plus, it seemed like we would be a team.

    Of course, now it's easier to not have to change it back, but it's something that I wish I had pushed for. That and alot of other issues, too, for that matter.

  5. #50
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Posts
    3,932
    Question to those who say that they think/know that it means a lot to their husband/bf that their wife/(to-be) change their name:

    Why do you think that it?

    It's not a rhetorical question, I'm curious.

  6. #51
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    somewhere between the Red & Rio Grande
    Posts
    5,297
    Quote Originally Posted by Grog View Post
    Question to those who say that they think/know that it means a lot to their husband/bf that their wife/(to-be) change their name:

    Why do you think that it?

    It's not a rhetorical question, I'm curious.

    We had a lengthy discussion in pre-marital counseling about it. We actually laid out on the table how both of us would feel about me not changing my name, hyphenating, taking his name or him taking mine. That is why I know exactly what he thought about it.
    Amanda

    2011 Specialized Epic Comp 29er | Specialized Phenom | "Marie Laveau"
    2007 Cannondale Synapse Carbon Road | Selle Italia Lady Gel Flow | "Miranda"


    You don't have to be great to get started, but you do have to get started to be great. -Lee J. Colan

  7. #52
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Between the Blue Ridge and the Chesapeake Bay
    Posts
    5,203
    Quote Originally Posted by Aggie_Ama View Post
    We had a lengthy discussion in pre-marital counseling about it. We actually laid out on the table how both of us would feel about me not changing my name, hyphenating, taking his name or him taking mine. That is why I know exactly what he thought about it.
    Counseling is a great thing--kudos to you and your husband for doing that. I (we) could have benefited from it before getting married.

  8. #53
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Santa Cruz mountains
    Posts
    217
    I didn't change my name for the first marriage, which turned out to be a good thing.

    I was a bit hesitant to change my name for the second (current) marriage because I have publications, etc. in my name. However, there were three reasons I decided to do so:
    - he preferred it
    - we are planning a family
    - my first initial/last name makes an unfortunate combination when used for work login accounts, would be nice to not have that anymore

    I'm starting the process now, we were married 4 months ago but we were also in the process of buying a house, wasn't a good time to mess around with paperwork and legal records.

    I'm keeping my original middle name, but for work purposes I will probably include my "birth name" (like that term) on business cards, etc.

  9. #54
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Perpetual Confusion and Indecision
    Posts
    488
    I guess I didn't really think about it much at the time - just went with the traditional name change. I don't mind, except that, for a 1-syllable, 5-letter name, NOBODY can spell it. I have to spell it several times to people over the phone. And they still get it wrong. I see my name in email lists at work, with it spelled wrong - and if I say anything, people think I'm being snippy (no, just trying to keep it from propagating throughout the entire world).

    I do know a woman who didn't take her second husband`s name at first - she was in her 40s or early 50s when they were married, she'd had a bad experience with her first, was pretty independent, etc. He ended up dying of cancer after maybe 8-10 years of marriage, and she told me not long after that she was going to take his name. She wanted that link to him, and to his children and grandchildren. I thought it was a very loving thing to do.

    Do what you want to do - in the long run, you are the one who will be living with it. Personally, while I don't remember it very clearly (been almost 19 years), I don't remember the whole name-change thing being much of a hassle. Things may have changed since then, though, or maybe it was just Michigan.

  10. #55
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Davis
    Posts
    182
    I tried hyphenating my maiden name and my ex's name, and there never was a place for it on forms (this was a LONG time ago!) so it morphed into my middle name. I was NEVER called my first name, and didn't even know what it was until 1st grade, when I didn't think it was me! And I liked that the ethnic/racist factor was taken out by becoming a common anglo name. Seems silly now, but I've had tires slashed, yelled out, etc... when going to places around the US.

    And I liked having the same name as my kids, even after my divorce. I rather identify with it now, although I've been divorced for almost 20 years.

    If I got married again to the bf, I don't think I'd take his last name (not a really attractive sounding name.) I STILL want to have the same last name as my kids!! And it seems a big time pita to change it on everything. Everyone can spell it, and I just plain like it!

  11. #56
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Posts
    3,932
    Quote Originally Posted by Aggie_Ama View Post
    We had a lengthy discussion in pre-marital counseling about it. We actually laid out on the table how both of us would feel about me not changing my name, hyphenating, taking his name or him taking mine. That is why I know exactly what he thought about it.
    Sorry, I think I wrote too fast. I meant: what exactly would/does make him happy about it? (Not why you know it would make him happy.)

  12. #57
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    8
    I changed mine. I was about to start publishing in my profession, so it was an opportune moment. And before I changed it, if you googled myfirstname hislastname in quotation marks, there were absolutely no hits. So in changing my name I became the only me on the internet. Which I thought was pretty cool. I have an unusual enough first name that I never really had the last name attached, so it isn't too much of an identity issue for me. The new last name has a heck of a lot of letters though...

  13. #58
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Arlington, VA
    Posts
    1,993
    This is a very personal choice.

    I kept my maiden name for many reasons. Ironically, my second-line supervisor gave me a "talking to" about it (this was 1987 - husband and I worked in the same office at the time - because we eloped, everyone thought I was pregnant). In addition, my inlaws didn't "approve." My husband could care less, and if he had, he wouldn't have been the kind of man I'd marry.

  14. #59
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
    Posts
    13,394
    To answer the "why" question; well, we talked about it at length. My husband is the least MCP person around, but he really felt that it was sort of like what someone said above; that having the same name shows we are a team. The issue of having kids with different names never came up. I knew plenty of people who had different names from their kids, even in 1979.
    We also had the same discussion about having a joint bank account. We decided to get one. Many years later, we ended up having 2 accounts. Although they were both joint, my check went in one and his in another. That way, I could track "my" money, although it was mostly so I could buy gifts and things for people that I wanted to specifically buy with my earnings. Same thing for my son's college education and his car. I was very clear to him that my salary was paying for those things.
    I know that this seems very old fashioned to some, but I have never felt like I lost my identity. My husband has done nothing but encourage me in all aspects of life. Those of you who know me in person can probably guess that I am very outspoken and I wouldn't put up with cr*p from anyone. I had a very traumatic and horrible first marriage at a young age. I swore that I would never get myself in that position again. Changing my name hasn't made a difference in how I feel about myself.
    Though at one point, when my husband's parents were acting like azzholes, he considered changing his name to my birth name...

  15. #60
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    somewhere between the Red & Rio Grande
    Posts
    5,297
    Quote Originally Posted by tulip View Post
    Counseling is a great thing--kudos to you and your husband for doing that. I (we) could have benefited from it before getting married.

    Well to get married in the 107 year old church I had my heart set on from the time I was 8 it was required but it was a very good experience for both of us.

    Grog- I really think my husband views us as a team and I do as well. I see us as "Team X (our last name)". Neither of us are very old fashioned, I pay all the bills, in a lot of ways I would say I make decisions but for us having the same last name was kind of a unity thing. I think it was more my view of how marriage was and he also felt that way. When he got a bonus from work last year I told him "spend it on yourself, it is your bonus". He corrected me "When we got married nothing was mine anymore, it is our bonus if you want me to spend it all on a mountain bike I will but it is your bonus too". We came in with that attitude and for us personally having the same name was a way to be united. But even though he thinks of what is his is mine he is very stubborn and independent in his thinking.

    But I am still very independent and if I had decided not change my name it wouldn't have been a deal breaker. I think that was the important thing for me. It was always my decision, my husband was happy I did but he would have married me if I didn't.
    Amanda

    2011 Specialized Epic Comp 29er | Specialized Phenom | "Marie Laveau"
    2007 Cannondale Synapse Carbon Road | Selle Italia Lady Gel Flow | "Miranda"


    You don't have to be great to get started, but you do have to get started to be great. -Lee J. Colan

 

 

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •