Getting married- ? do I change my name

[Tuckervill]

I do have a friend who created a new name with her husband by combining their two last names. I mean, really, why do the women have to be the ones who abandon their family name?

I wish I had thought of that.

Karen

[Biciclista]

my grandparents had 6 grandchildren, all girls. and my grandfather was the only son. Their name is VERY rare. so when one of my cousins (one of the 6 of us grandkids) with this last name had a baby; she named her after my grandmother and grandfather by giving the baby the baby's great grandmother's first name and her married last name. The husband loves the name and wouldn't have it any other way. And it was the most wonderful gift to my grandmother.

[Tri Girl]

I changed my name. Never thought anything of it. Plus- I was changing my name from a really confusing German/American hybrid name to a generic name (Brown). I never have to spell it, which is so nice. When my dad died, I kind of wished I'd kept it, but my brother has a son, so the name will go on.

[bluebug32]

I'm getting married next year and have been debating this too. For starters, his names is a little nicer sounding than mine. But I'm a writer, so I would definitely keep my maiden-birth name for work or freelance. In the end, I think my name will become my middle name and I'll take his last name. Or I'll just put this whole thing off for as long as I can...

[BikeDutchess]

I kept my birth name. Both my first and last names are unusual and I didn't want to give up part of it (even though my first name and my DH's last name would have sounded pretty good together too). Both last names are unusual enough that I would have had to spell either one for people frequently, so that wasn't a deciding factor. Initially we also worked for the same company and I felt it was important to keep my own professional identity.

It took my MIL the longest to accept it. When I got my green card and proudly showed it off, she asked when they would put "my real name" on it! Luckily my DH's sister also kept her birth name when she married and I wasn't the odd one out anymore.

Once we had kids we did have to make a choice - we didn't want to saddle them with hyphens. We chose his last name for both kids. Our oldest has my last name as a middle name. We haven't really had issues with the kids - nowadays there are so many blended families that introducing myself as "Mrs Mylastname, XX Hislastname's mom" doesn't cause anyone to skip a beat. I do carry mini birth certificates (showing both of our names) in my wallet just in case.

[smurfalicious]

I'm getting married next year and have been debating this too. For starters, his names is a little nicer sounding than mine. But I'm a writer, so I would definitely keep my maiden-birth name for work or freelance. In the end, I think my name will become my middle name and I'll take his last name. Or I'll just put this whole thing off for as long as I can...

Ya know I thought about this too because of my photography, but I was so actively actively involved in the sport I was shooting I didn't figure it mattered much. I'd say unless you have stuff published already, and then to what degree, it can't hurt.

I was going to take my ex's last name, and while I was at it hyphenate in my mom's maiden name. I haven't spoken to my dad in 8 years and I HATE having his last name so it was a welcome idea.

[fidlfreek]

Thanks Tuckervill for pointing out a 3rd option? Like Antonio Villaraigosa, the mayor of Los Angeles. He and his wife created a NEW last name out of their own former last names.

This seems like a beautiful alternative. ALSO There are also men who change their names. For instance http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniont...z1n16read.html

[badger]

I knew someone who hated his last name so much he insisted when he married, his wife keep her name and when they had kids, they used her last name.

I don't know if I would want to change my name if I were to marry my partner. My first and last name is the same as a relatively famous author, and in that regard it would be nice to change it. But it IS a cool name, and I would be sad to let it go. It's also one of the few things I relate to my father after identifying so much with my mother's side of the family and culture so it would be nice to keep it to honour my father's side of the family.

[Grog]

I always took for granted that my name would be mine forever.

I am from a place (Quebec) where women keep their last name by law (since 1980 or so). Socially you can call yourself whatever you like, but as far as contracting, government relations (driver's licence, medicare...), banking, etc. one has to use the name printed on one's birth certificate. If you really want to change your name, you can go through name-changing procedures like everybody else (example: if you name is Maria and you would like to be called Barbara instead), posting ads in the newspapers, paying some legal fees, going to a notary, something like that, and then you get a new birth certificate. Few people do that, and I know no woman of my generation and few women of my mother's generation who call themselves by their husband's name even socially. Kids are called by one or both parents' name, and nobody is surprised if there are two or more family names running in the same family.

Really, if Joe Smith has three kids by the name of Smith in his car, I hope the border guard will not just wave him through without checking the paperwork because they have the same last name and therefore Joe must be the father.

When I married to an Anglo Canadian, I think his family (and probably him, too) would have been happy if I had changed my name but they knew that was not going to happen. Furthermore, I love my last name, and I am a published professional in my field, it would not be smart to change my name. I don't know yet what we'll do when we have kids. Our names sound cute together, so I guess we might go that route.

[Mr. Bloom]

I do agree that it is a choice, but I encourage you to involve your chosen partner in the deliberation and not make the choice alone

I know women who have kept their name, and some who hyphenated their name, and I know a man who created a new hyphenated name for both of them to take - and they're all still happily married.

The decision is not as important as how you arrive at it - Good Luck

But then, what do I know...Silver's name went from a singular body part to a plural of the same body part when she married me - it's very odd - so she even went a step farther...she DROPPED her "birth name"

[Andrea]

I being the stalwart feminist here I can't help but think of the reason why this name change is the custom. That is, you are his property.

just my POV.

Speaking of customs, I don't have a 'maiden' name either.
I have a 'name at birth"

I never did too well in the role of maiden

Yeah, that, too

[Becky]

I changed my name. At the time, I didn't give it much thought. In hindsight, I wish that I hadn't. DH and I now work in the same department and have many of the same (external) work contacts. Keeping my maiden name may have cut down on some of the personal chatter that invariably comes up when someone realizes that yes, in fact, we are related. But at this point, it would be too much of a PITA and cause too much of a stir to change it.

[Bron]

I being the stalwart feminist here I can't help but think of the reason why this name change is the custom. That is, you are his property.

just my POV.

Rather than being your father's property? Ok, not being completely serious there, but you do choose your husband yourself.

I changed mine, it was a bit of a hassle, but I like it that we have the same name and at least I don't have to spell it out to people here (but I do when I get home). I have to spell my first name out to everyone everywhere.

Now my first name really is part of my identity and there is no way I would ever change that.

[papaver]

Here it's not allowed to change your name. You always have to use your maiden name, married or not.

[singletrackmind]

Loss of identity?

Don't have a kid! I'm now 'Mrs. kid's name mom'. It's all good. No matter what you call me I'm still me. I'm not particular on the label, so long as it's fairly reasonable and you can say it in public.
Sticks, stones, all that stuff.