He didn't do a thing for my 30th birthday!

[DDH]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I read your first post and thought, Wow, I could have written that. My DH is very bad about birthdays and any other kind of special occasion. I feel like I am lucky sometimes to get even an acknowledgement of a special ocassion like a birthday or mothers day, much less a card or present. He has gotten better over the years but is still very bad. We have been together 24 years and that is one of my major complaints, but I learned a long time ago that it isn't because he doesn't care or love me. I try very hard not to take it personally because I know it isn't a reflection of how he feels.

What your guy has done is inexcusable to a degree, and I really couldn't blame you if you didn't let him come back. He needs to understand that although you love him, when people do things like this to hurt us, it causes us to put up defenses to protect ourselves. It causes a bit of mis-trust of feelings, and he will have to understand that it may take you a bit to let your guard back down.
He has broken down the trust not by cheating but by hurting you, and he needs to understand that you also will need time now that he has pushed it this far ecspecially without a reasonable explanation. I'm bored is not reasonable, nor is it a real explanation.
We tend to expect others to make us happy rather than take on that responsiblity ourselves, and he and you need to understand that our happiness and completeness for lack of a better word are our own responsibility.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get off on a tangent and sorry for the long post. I just feel so badly for you.
I think I would tell him next time he told me he's just bored, that he better be able to come up with something better than that if he expects you to ever trust him again, or will allow him to come back. You have a responsibility to your boys and he didn't hurt you alone when he pulled this stunt.

[milkbone]

Ok, just figured I'd give everyone just one last quick update.

I'm doing better day by day, my friends are trying to keep me occupied and my spirits up, some times are better than others thats for sure.

I know most of you will say I'm crazy, but I still do hope to work it out with him in the long run, he is moving out as of now (and hasn't been here since last week). I did get to actually talk to him face-to-face today, he says he still loves me, and does miss me, he was just really unhappy. How he did everything still really hurts, and I'm still on the roller coaster of up's and down's. He was a really great guy to both me and my boys, and I just want that all back, I know how he did things was really messed up, maybe I'm way too nice, I don't know, but I still love the guy.

The most surprising thing of all is that he is suppossed to move into a house only one street away, literally the next street over in the subdivision, he said he's not sure yet, but pretty sure, he will sign a 12 month lease.

I live on a cul-de-sac so there should be no reason for him to just drive by, and I don't think that was his purpose anyway. Just figured thats what some of you might say, but I am a bit surprised on the location he picked, I would have figured he would've at least left the neighborhood area.

Anyway, I figure it's time to put this issue to rest, and I really do appreciate everyone's support and comments. I've read them all with interest.

This too shall past, and I shall be stronger for it. : )

As my Mom says, "I am woman, I am invincible!"

Thanks again TE! {{{{{{{{{{{TE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Irulan]

thanks for the update.

Are you guys going to look into couple's counseling? A GOOD counselor is worth every penny you pay. I credit a very certain counselor with saving my marriage about 7 years ago.

[milkbone]

thanks for the update.

Are you guys going to look into couple's counseling? A GOOD counselor is worth every penny you pay. I credit a very certain counselor with saving my marriage about 7 years ago.

I would love to, he won't answer my questions about counsleing or long-term...but it still says he loves me and misses me but just doesn't want to be unhappy any more...everything just did such a 180 in only a few days time

I just don't get it...

[DDH]

You know, we never know what we have until we lose it. Maybe he will realize that in time. Maybe you will still be willing to work on things if that time comes and maybe you won't. If you still want to make things work and love this man, then it is totally irrelevant what anyone else thinks.
You go for it, if the time comes, no one has to live your life but you.