Welcome guest, is this your first visit? Click the "Create Account" button now to join.

To disable ads, please log-in.

Shop at TeamEstrogen.com for women's cycling apparel.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 24
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    England
    Posts
    20

    Hi everyone I am new here

    To disable ads, please log-in.

    Just like to firstly say what a great place this is, i have been here reading advice for a few weeks and what i have read has helped me no end, so thank you all for that.
    To introduce myself, i am female and fast approaching half a centry
    My partner took up cycling around 18 months or so ago to loose weight and keep fit. I started around 6 months ago at his request and thought i would hate it but to my astonishment i loved it although the first time i rode a mile i thought i was going to die, and when i got home i wished i did, everything hurt. Now i am looking for some of your thoughts. partner and i thought taking up cycling together would be a good thing but it seems to be bringing us problems that we seem unable to agree on. He has riden in severl sportives over the last year completing them all, we are both signed up to do one in a month or so but he is trying to put me off riding a 60 mile one with him, he is much faster than i am and sometimes gets fustrated with me which leads to him riding in front of me so basically we are riding alone, he thinks i will not be able to keep up with him which is probably true but i think i would be able to complete the distance in the alloted time but nearer the end of the time rather than the beginning, i would like him to support me and ride with me how ever long it takes me. Now i know the times will be displayed on a web page for all to see and he might feel embarassed by his time but i still feel he should support me, we seem to be stuck at the moment with this so any ideas thoughts i would appreciate, i can ride 50 miles no prob but perhaps not as quick as he would.
    thanks
    great site
    furry duck

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    4,516
    That's a tough issue that many of us deal with (sometimes it's reversed, too). I'm much slower than my DH.

    We usually ride separately - which doesn't bother me. He can be on the grumpy side when riding at my pace (he says he isn't - I say it is), and I can't keep up with him. He'll make comments to himself after climbing a hill like "that was easy" - he doesn't mean for them to be hurtful as I huff and puff, but they are. So, to keep peace, it's usually solo for us. Sometimes we do shorter rides where he'll ride with me. We also bought a tandem - which comes with its own set of issues (cadence, not feeling like you're putting forth enough effort, etc).

    Could you ride part of the ride together, and then let him take off? If you can comfortably ride 50, you'll have no problem with 60.

    CA
    Most days in life don't stand out, But life's about those days that will...

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Longmont, CO
    Posts
    545
    Welcome to cycling!

    Perhaps riding together is giving you an opportunity to witness some dynamics that probably exist throughout your relationship, maybe in more subtle form. Maybe you can both take a loving look at how the two of you interact. In the meantime, if riding together is stressful, or if he's putting you off, then by all means, ride alone.

    I started out always MTBing with my husband; I found that riding alone can be much more rewarding for me. We still ride together sometimes, but it's not the default mode. For MTB, I do try to stick to familiar trails where I anticipate other people being around, just in case something happens.
    monique

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Riding my Luna & Rivendell in the Hudson Valley, NY
    Posts
    8,408
    I suggest you work out a compromise where you two sometimes ride together and sometimes ride on your own. That works well when two people don't ride at the same speed. Think of it as a pleasant thing that adds variety to riding.
    Lisa
    My mountain dulcimer network...FOTMD.com...and my mountain dulcimer blog
    My personal blog:My blog
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    8,548
    WElcome to TE! if his finishing time on this event is really important to him, maybe you could find someone else to ride with?
    There's a ride that my husband and i did last year... he stayed with me for the ride.. next year he wants to do it alone to see how fast he can finish. And I can really appreciate that.
    He shouldn't ALWAYS have to ride at my speed, but then
    sometimes, if he wants me to ride with him, he MUST ride my speed, because I'm never going to be as fast as he is..

    And then there are tandem bikes
    Mimi Team TE BIANCHISTA
    for six tanks of gas you could have bought a bike.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Between the Blue Ridge and the Chesapeake Bay
    Posts
    5,203
    If you can find some other riding buddies, you might find it fun and less stressful.

    Or you could get a tandem.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    steuben county new york
    Posts
    626
    Welcome to the board. I don't have much advise for your riding with your partner, other than go at your own pace, make your self comfortable, and ride safe and be happy.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    England
    Posts
    20

    Smile Me again

    Well what can i say but thank you all for words of wisdom and support,much appreciated and taken on board.

    I understand the male thing of wanting to ride faster etc but i guess i would have never started cycling if partner didnt want company to ride with, but i must say i am glad i did even if i am in a predicament at the moment because i just love to cycle and i am hooked

    I have put out sos's on the forum board of the ride i am signed up for asking if there was anyone there in same position as me and a bit slow at the moment who would like to ride together for company on the sportive, i have had a reply so far from a male, i somehow think that would not go down that well with my other half, but i also got lots of support from many others there, as i hav here which is great. One person said just go for it doesnt matter how long it takes me to finish but think of the satisfation i would have at the end, but i am scared to ride on my own at this stage so might sit this one out. But i will keep you all informed of progress any more ideas or thoughts pass them on.
    Furry Duck

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    4,516
    Don't sit it out!! If it's anything like organized rides here, there will be LOTS of people, some of whom will invariably be your speed On my MS ride, I was actually wishing to ride ALONE for a little while.

    CA
    Most days in life don't stand out, But life's about those days that will...

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Flagstaff AZ
    Posts
    2,516
    So, Furry Duck: I'm going to be the devil's advocate - What is scary about riding this sportive without your DH?

    You've already said you can complete the ride - and if you didn't, he would not be able to ride you on your handlebars, so riding with him would do you no good.

    Do you know how to change a flat tire? If so, you are fine there. And, if you cannot, learn, it is not that hard!

    Usually you will find people who ride about your speed and you can talk to them to keep you company. If not, you can have a nice quiet all alone kind of ride where you can think about everything and anything.

    GO DO THE RIDE! It would be a horrible shame to let a small fear ruin your accomplishment and think of the fun you will have!

    I'm sure you will do great

    spoke

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    England
    Posts
    20

    Thumbs up An update

    Keeping all you nice people up to date as i promised, i have thought in great detail about all your comments and advice with i great appreciated. yes i believe there may well be relationship issues that have come to light since we started trying to cycle together but how on earth they are addressed i have no idea. My partner has been suffering from a psychiatric illness for the last 6-9 months and i guess that has not helped things at all. I am hoping he is on the road to recovery now.
    We went on a cycle ride together at the weekend only 38 miles but it was one of the most horrendous rides i have been on with him apart from when he left me in the middle of nowhere. he was constantly shouting at me and by the time i came to the first big climb i already thought i could not do it so got off and walked up it which made him even worse, it was a comlete disaster and i have now made the decision not to ride again with him not even on the sportive we were doing together. He told me at the weekend yet again that i would not even do it and yes he would ride with me but the very first time i stopped he would be pulling out of it. I have no confidence now that i can do it even if i did i tried to do it alone or with someone else, so i shall be bowing out of this one. I guess i was also scared to ride on my own because i am not mechanically minded but have bought one of those can that repair puncture and blow up your tire at the same time so i might venture out on my own. He has since told me he will ride with me and wont shout or go off and leave me and he will go at my pace but i dont trust him now and really dont want to ride with him. I shall be on the lookout for female riders in my area who might like to join me on cycle rides for pleasure not for racing.
    Thank you all for your support you have been great and made me examine things and think about them
    Furry Duck

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    8,548
    Dear Furryduck from what you're telling me you'll have more fun if he does leave you behind. Then you don't have to worry about pleasing him; you just go at your own pace. And there's absolutely nothing about walking up a hill, I've done it too.
    I agree, it sounds like your BF has some serious issues, I don't blame you if you dont' want to ride with him. I wouldn't!

    why would he yell at you just because you weren't fast enough? that's just not right.
    Mimi Team TE BIANCHISTA
    for six tanks of gas you could have bought a bike.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    3,151
    Kudos to you for holding your ground and realizing that it puts *both* of you in an impossible position to expect to ride together and keep it positive. At least with the dynamics as they are now, it ain't gonna happen.
    Now you want to find ways to build back your confidence because it has been artificially damaged. Find a way to get out and ride and build up strength and endurance and confidence even if it's oh, a 4 mile circle around your house. (I just went and rode 2 laps around work - 1.5 miles each - just to get outside and clear my head and get warm 'cause the air conditioning has kicked in here!
    (Can't give advice on relationships except for not setting up disasters... I'm a singleton )

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Flagstaff AZ
    Posts
    2,516
    Furry Duck - sorry you decided not to do the sportive, but you have time to get better on your own or with someone who you will find to ride with. Please get out there and find a club and/or bike shop that can help you with getting started and finding riding partners.

    I wish I lived in England. I'd come and ride that sportive with you.

    spoke

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    England
    Posts
    20

    thanks spoke

    For your kind words, i am going to try and get my confidence back by riding on my own short distances for a while, and then try and build on that. I wish you lived here to as that would have been great to have ridden with you. there is not many females around my area that ride, the ones that ride wide with their partners so i wouldnt expect them to have me tag along. A friend of mine said she would like to ride with me but she rides a mountain bike and would not like to ride on the road or cover any distance but i said i would ride the trail with her sometime if she wanted to.
    Furry Duck

 

 

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •