Here's one that will take a long time

[Geonz]

(unless it fades away fast)
... Got the following email today replying to my quick question about the Wednesday "inside rides" which had an attached picture of Miss Gulch from the Wizard of Oz on her bike. (Fudge was dropped off at LBS last week.)


S decreed that indoor rides were over as of 3/1 for you and your little dog.

I've been getting drunk on fudge. That stuff is addictive, thank you.

Life is hectic and my Mom has slipped. I leave for CO skiing 3/10 - 17 if her health allows.

FP

just the bulletpoints m'am

So, I replied with bullet points

* hectic schmectic
* I still want to squeeze you in :-)

So. Here's the question... how can a lady get this past emails and bike rides? What are creative ways of creating contact? (He's at the bike shop which is on my way home... except 3 days a week I work 'til its closing time... tho' it's close enough for dropping by at lunch, which I do... but duly note that open flirtation such as the bulleted points is not my strong point... oh, and we *have* shared long conversations and emails along the way, too. )

[mimitabby]

if you're looking for romance, slow down until the crisis with mom has passed.
Just be there and tell him you're a friend and you'll be there.

[Geonz]

I've been a friend and been there for a couple of crises so that's a known entity. We've been friends for oh, about 7 years... and I am thinking that he's recovered from his rather badly broken heart enough so that while the busted part isn't looking a person could slip in a side door to the heart. (How's that Billy Joel song go about the rooms?)

[mimitabby]

if you've been friends for 7 years, you need to let him know you're not just friends! (or you don't want to be just friends)

[Starfish]

Yeah, just ask the guy out. Preferably to something that he cannot really construe as a friend thing, and preferably somewhere you can dress to make it a date...you know, something to let him see you as a hot woman, not just a bike shop friend. Is there an event that requires dressing up, like a community dinner dance, etc? You can be playful about it...acknowledge you need a "real date" for XXXXXX whatever it is.

Ask him out as a date, let him see you looking different than he normally does for a little jolt of chemistry, and give him an opportunity to get close like dancing.

I don't know. Just some thoughts.

[Zen]

I don't remember...

[mimitabby]

I don't remember...

yeah, tell me about it.
(married 30 years, never "dating" again)

[Geonz]

I wish somebody I knew could be a fly on the wall - I would gladly (okay, not *gladly* ) file this under "friends" if, indeed, that's what it's meant to be. We're each, however, just socially unique enough so that it's harder to read each other. I paid a completely gratuitous visit to the LBS and we had a lovely time folding and unfolding that Dahon Any flies on the wall, however, have not spoken to me about what it looked like to them
Suggestions that we head soemwhere after a ride, etc. have generally gotten "too busy" negatives. It's been a while since he asked me out - we did several concerts together a while ago, but not as dates. However, since we communicate a lot more now than we did then - he lets me know when he's going out of town, as well as at least *some* stuff happening in his life, and oh, what he thinks of this or that article in the New York Times as it relates to life and death and the pursuit of happiness - I suspect/hope that's because if he asked me out now it would be a date.
Suggestions don't have to have anything to do with anything like dating - I'd like to be creative!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Geez this seems awfully complicated! If you have communicated so much with him already....why don't you just ask if he'd be interested in exploring a romantic relationship?
Worse that could happen is that he'll tell you yes or no- which is what you want to know, right?

[Zen]

Lisa has a good point. Sometime guys are either just a little dense or frozen with fear.

[Starfish]

Suggestions that we head soemwhere after a ride, etc. have generally gotten "too busy" negatives. It's been a while since he asked me out

You know, I hate to say it, but if he isn't taking you up on offers to do stuff together, I'm thinking he might not be smitten...

But, don't listen to me, I'm an idiot.

[teigyr]

Hmmm. I will have to ask DH what he thinks but rest assured that names will be changed to protect the innocent.

My initial reaction is that some guys (DH included) are semi-dense. It's not an insult, it just is what it is. You have to be blunt and put it out there or else they don't notice. I also know, however, that some guys know when you "like" them and instead of dealing with it (ie acknowledging it and saying they don't feel the same way or simply acting on it), they act like scared little bunnies. Not to be judgmental, women do it too Speaking for myself, if I feel pressure, I act in non-dignified ways.

So, p'haps if you two went out as friends and you asked "have you ever thought...." in such a way as to not make him feel horrible if he said no and your friendship was left intact. While initial impression seems like if he was into you he wouldn't always be busy but then again, you never know. I have had male friends that I had THE hugest crushes on and bailed out on "let's hang out" not-dates because I didn't feel like it or was tired but had I known they liked me, I would've gone for sure.

Lastly, maybe he never DID think about more but it's not to say he wouldn't if it were to be brought up.

So in a roundabout way, I think I covered all the bases and answered nothing. I think though if he hasn't understood subtle by now, it's time to step it up a bit as long as it's in a non-pressured way. I'll see what DH thinks though. While he'd never post here, this is one of the times where a male perspective might be warranted. I will report back.

[KnottedYet]

I am socially inept. Kinda like a guy. (but cuter ) If I had a crush on someone and they asked me on a date, I'd panic and say "no." (even though I wanted to say "yes")

So... maybe you shouldn't take "no" as an answer. Or maybe you should take the whole question out of the realm of words. (but slowly, so as not to frighten the timid wild creature)

[Tuckervill]

But don't put all your hopes in the one basket. It could ruin a beautiful friendship, if he perceived you as desperate--or more likely, made him terrified to hurt your feelings by saying no (most guys worth their salt are terrified to hurt someone's feelings and it could make him panic and avoid you for a long time). I wouldn't force a date on him, either, with the dressing up and all that.

Just bring it up in conversation. Be who you are. Be true to the relationship you've already built.

Karen

[KnottedYet]

Be true to the relationship you've already built.

Karen

Oh, Tuckervill, you are wise!