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  1. #1
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    Do stun batons really work?

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    A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this.


    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL!

    Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

    I loaded 2 AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

    AWESOME!!!

    Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave!

    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only 2 AAA batteries, right?!!??

    There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong???

    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

    The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would reportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.?? All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with 2 itsy, bitsy, AAA batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

    I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dumbass,' reasoning that a one- second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button and...

    WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!

    I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!

    The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, 'Do it again, stupid, do it again!'

    Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative.

    A minute or so later or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

    I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

    P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
    There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    2,059
    That's fascinating. What is the source, out of curiosity?

    I have been thinking about getting one, or a .380.

    Here's a question. I have been assuming that if a person (or a cougar) has a hold on you, and you taser them, won't the current go from them to you and disable you both?
    "The best rides are the ones where you bite off much more than you can chew, and live through it." ~ Doug Bradbury

  3. #3
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    Apr 2005
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    OK... why is it always that stories like this one feature males?

    You don't hear often (or at all) about females being convinced to pee on electric fences or put 9volt batteries on their tongues...
    So I knew how this story would end before I read - but of course I had to read it.
    Thanks for the laugh, BC

    But I seriously thought everyone learned in school, basic science classes but also health classes, that electricity makes the muscles clench. I remember being told that if I see someone being electrucuted, I must not grab any part of their body to move them. If for example, they were holding something, I must swing my arm onto their arm, or hold something and whack it onto their arm, to dislodge their hold. I amy break their arm in the process, but will probably save their life.

    In that light, yes Starfish, I think if you tasered a cougar it could very well get you. You might get less of a shock if the cougar was underneath you, because electricty always wants to ground itself - so be sure next time you are attacked by a cougar, make sure it is lying on its back, and you are above it and no part of you is touching the ground BEFORE you taser it!

  4. #4
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    and back to the cougar, remember, he's hairy you'd better taser his nose!

    further, there were two little boys somewhere in the USA who managed to get their tongues stuck to a telephone pole this January..
    Mimi Team TE BIANCHISTA
    for six tanks of gas you could have bought a bike.

  5. #5
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    I stuck my tongue to the merry-go-round metal.
    I was just trying to lick off snow. just went a little too far
    2008 Trek FX 7.2/Terry Cite X
    2009 Jamis Aurora/Brooks B-68
    2010 Trek FX 7.6 WSD/stock bontrager

  6. #6
    Jolt is offline Dodging the potholes...
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoadRaven View Post
    OK... why is it always that stories like this one feature males?

    You don't hear often (or at all) about females being convinced to pee on electric fences or put 9volt batteries on their tongues...
    So I knew how this story would end before I read - but of course I had to read it.
    Thanks for the laugh, BC

    But I seriously thought everyone learned in school, basic science classes but also health classes, that electricity makes the muscles clench. I remember being told that if I see someone being electrucuted, I must not grab any part of their body to move them. If for example, they were holding something, I must swing my arm onto their arm, or hold something and whack it onto their arm, to dislodge their hold. I amy break their arm in the process, but will probably save their life.

    In that light, yes Starfish, I think if you tasered a cougar it could very well get you. You might get less of a shock if the cougar was underneath you, because electricty always wants to ground itself - so be sure next time you are attacked by a cougar, make sure it is lying on its back, and you are above it and no part of you is touching the ground BEFORE you taser it!
    In answer to the first part of your post, I think we females tend to have ever so slightly more common sense than our male counterparts... As for dislodging someone from a source of current, you are correct that grabbing the person is a very bad idea. You also wouldn't want to directly touch them or use a conductive object (like a metal mop handle etc.) to shove them away--then you'd get zapped too. Ouch.
    Last edited by Jolt; 02-01-2008 at 01:21 PM.
    2011 Surly LHT
    1995 Trek 830

  7. #7
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    Sep 2006
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    Toltec, Arkansaw
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    Thumbs up

    Quote Originally Posted by RoadRaven View Post
    OK... why is it always that stories like this one feature males?

    You don't hear often (or at all) about females being convinced to pee on electric fences or put 9volt batteries on their tongues...
    So I knew how this story would end before I read - but of course I had to read it.
    That's because you guys...

    1) typically have better sense,
    2) tend both to read and trust the instructions that come with such devices, and
    3) learn something from your experiences, or at least remember something about them the next time you're confronted with such a circumstance.

    And yes, I've done all the stuff RoadRaven mentioned, which isn't to say that I might not try it again the next time just to see if it still really works that way.

    Tom

  8. #8
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    Aug 2002
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoadRaven View Post
    You don't hear often (or at all) about females being convinced to pee on electric fences or put 9volt batteries on their tongues...

    I've done the nine volt battery thing...


    //I'm using the sibling peer pressure excuse

  9. #9
    Jolt is offline Dodging the potholes...
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    Speaking of people doing stupid things involving electricity, this one takes the cake...
    http://blogs.chron.com/medblog/archi...ng_stupid.html
    2011 Surly LHT
    1995 Trek 830

  10. #10
    Jolt is offline Dodging the potholes...
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    And here's another one...
    http://www.darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2005-03.html
    I'm not sure who was the bigger idiot in this one--the guy who said "juice me up" or the one who actually DID it!!
    2011 Surly LHT
    1995 Trek 830

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    NW Phoenix, AZ
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    Better for the cougar is pepper spray. You can get different strengths. The cops carry something pretty strong -- I think stronger than what you might find in a store. We watch a cop spray two massive Russian sheepdogs that were tearing apart a sheep. He jumped the fence, walked right up to them, and blasted one, then the other in the eyes. It was so much more effective than the rocks/wrist sling shot we were using!! (sheep ok, dogs picked up by animal control)
    "If I weren't the maid, I'd fire me."

  12. #12
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    Dave's last words were "Hey, watch this!"
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  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by mimitabby View Post
    and back to the cougar, remember, he's hairy you'd better taser his nose!

    further, there were two little boys somewhere in the USA who managed to get their tongues stuck to a telephone pole this January..
    My son's friend did that. He bled horribly.
    "If Americans want to live the American Dream, they should go to Denmark." - Richard Wilkinson

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by PscyclePath View Post
    And yes, I've done all the stuff RoadRaven mentioned, which isn't to say that I might not try it again the next time just to see if it still really works that way.
    LOL Tom
    Too funny
    This reminds me of one of my sons who, as a toddler, would leap off the arm of a couch just assuming we would know and would catch him.
    As he got bigger he would do the same in trees - launch himself at us without letting us know.
    When trees were close to each other he would do the squirrel thing and leap from branch to branch - but wasn't always successful. But instead of looking for a different branch to leap from or to, or waiting til he was older and taller, he'd just climb right on up and try again... and again...

 

 

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