Dear So and So

[SadieKate]

Some just started this thread on another forum. It's making me howl with laughter! She said, "it was really nice and theraputic, and a lot of fun. This is how it works: You write short little notes to people who may or may not see them, just to get your feelings out there and make you feel a little better." Here's my letter:

Dear Sun Gods:

Pretty, just pretty please, may we see you this weekend in California? I'll sacrifice my first born child . . . oh wait, there isn't one. How about chocolate?

Sincerely,
Me

[spazzdog]

Dear God,

Please ma'am, could you shift the axis of the earth just a pinch so that New England becomes a tropical paradise.

It's just too cold here and I think I'm stuck here until I die (relationship, home ownership, older pets... you know. Those grown-up responsibility things)

Thank you.

spazz

[CorsairMac]

Dear (insert your All-Powerful Being of Choice):
Can I Please get warm again? I'll even take being warm for say - 1 week if it isn't asking too much! 100 degs in the summer is Not too hot for me so please can I Just have hmmmm 70 in the winter? I'll sacrifice Spazzdog if you need me too! (no wait...thats not right) I'll give up posting threads for a whole day!
Yours Truly
Kathie -Im cold and hate it - MacV
aka CorsairMac

(cripes I can't remember my Real name anymore!)

[SadieKate]

Dear Outdoor Apparel Designers,

What do you have against us girls? Just what does it take to design tights that go full length of the leg and jerseys that accomodate boobs? What, you've never looked at the feminine form or you don't believe our money is as valuable as the boys?

SK

PS - Thanks for bringing pink back into fashion.

[Dogmama]

Dear Ambulance Drivers,

The bike lane is not there to collect broken automobile glass.


Dear Redneck Truck Driver,

If I need to pick my teeth, I'll use my bathroom mirror. I don't need to use your rearview mirror.


Dear Pearl Izumi People,

How do you figure one yard of stretchy material is worth $100?

[nuthatch]

Dear Discovery Channel,

Now that you sponsor a team, can you please start televising more cycling events - maybe even WOMEN'S events??? I promise I'll watch every commercial and maybe even buy something if I can see more coverage. I need inspiration during the winter when I'm on my trainer, even if it's taped events from six months before!

[Trek420]

Dear Dubya

You say you want to reduce our need for foreign oil by, oh, say let's drill the Alaska Wilderness? I've got two words for you...oh, not those words...this is a family forum, how about these ...."bike lanes"? We could even name them for you like those memorial freeways, the Nimitz here and such, or landscape them with shrubs and bushes.

It'd take care of our big, fat obesity epidemic and the smog issue too! Just ask your Texan buddy Lance

Thanks

Trek

[JanT]

Dear Homebuilders,
Could you please build the new communities in the flat, boring desert areas and leave our mountain biking areas to us and the coyotes?

Dear Road Builders,
If you really must lay asphalt in the desert, could you please make the streets wide enough for bike lanes?

Dear City Planners,
Could you please keep in mind that people need to get exercise, recreate, and might like to use something other than a car to commute? I know all the progress is great for our financial well-being, but it would be nice if the new developments were people-friendly.

Jan

[yellow]

Dear Very Fast Drivers,

I realize that 70 mph is too slow for you and it's very important for you to get there 30 seconds faster, but can you give me time to get out of your way before you give me the bird or flash your lights at me?

(Gawd, I have so many others...)

[mtbstarr]

Dear Weather Gods,

Could you please make your minds up. I enjoy cold or hot. I just need consistency so I can adjust.

[RobertBycle]

Dear Curmudgeon,

Why dont old people like for kids and dogs to play on their grass?

Sincerely,

The Grass is Always Greener on Old Vets Lawn

[Trek420]

Dear Customers,

A quick poll on a customer service forum I'm on says that our major pet peeve is the use of "you people", We find that any conversation starting with that is bound to go south. Corporations are NOT people, I'm people most specifically a people who can and will help you if you let me. But that's not my pet peeve. Mine is spelling.

News flash: I can spell. So if your name is Quigless Wbbbly, say it! I see your name on the account or will when I pull it up. But when you say "My name is Q as in quintessential, U as in undulate, I as in ....." I can see the letters. And if you, like me, have an unusual ethnic name you are used to people mispronouncing it. So give me a break, say it. Otherwise I have to go through the dance of "Do I have this right? Can I call you Quig? Do you prefer Ms Wbbbly?" Believe it or not I can be put on a PIP (personal development plan or the precursor to being fired) for opting out and just using Sir or M'Am. And I'm just trying to keep my nose clean and stay employed for 41 more days till I can start just using up all my vacation before I scram.

[smilingcat]

Dear Customers,

News flash: I can spell. So if your name is Quigless Wbbbly, say it! I see your name on the account or will when I pull it up. But when you say "My name is Q as in quintessential, U as in undulate, I as in ....." I can see the letters. And if you, like me, have an unusual ethnic name you are used to people mispronouncing it. So give me a break, say it. Otherwise I have to go through the dance of "Do I have this right? Can I call you Quig? Do you prefer Ms Wbbbly?" Believe it or not I can be put on a PIP (personal development plan or the precursor to being fired) for opting out and just using Sir or M'Am. And I'm just trying to keep my nose clean and stay employed for 41 more days till I can start just using up all my vacation before I scram.

Wow! your employer is strict! get on PIP for using Sir or Ma'am. I thought that was being polite when you don't know their name. I can see the frustration with when you have their account pulled up and they still insist on spelling out their name.

In all honesty, I wouldn't last a day in your job. I'm determined NOT to help my partner with her tech problems except to get her computer running or getting it connected to the WiFi. I've given up on keeping her computer virus free or how to keep out the virus. that concept is just too foreign. Also NOT to help my 87 yo mother with her cell phone. All I get is cauliflower ears and being chewed out. I just don't know how to explain things! or I am indifferent or don't care about their plight with tech problems. count the days and throw away the numbered paper plate every day!

ahh spelling.. Did you really graduate from high school? And you still say things like "Mom, me and Johnny is going to the store. Want something?" 8 words in the sentence "me and Johnny..." It has three mistakes. pretty amazing. High school grad no less. Another one is "Dog belongs to Johnny and I" only one mistake. Tad better. Language is fluid and dynamic. English language is quite alive so one should expect it to change over time in its grammar and spelling.

[smilingcat]

I was hoping to have some fun at jury selection. Got called for jury duty. For two days, I dutifully went and waited to be called to be o a jury. But no luck.

I was hoping to have the following conversation.

DA: "What is your profession?
me: "I'm a farmer"
DA: "Did you graduate from high school?"
me: "I didn't see any value in high school so I dropped out in my junior year." quite true I think I dropped out in late February or early March after I received my acceptance to Columbia University and Cornell.
DA: "Do you have GED?"
me: "I don't see any value in that either so no" For me it would be more of a minus to have GED. Isn't a graduate degree good enough? Maybe I should have completed my PhD program...
me: "Besides, the summer after I dropped out, I packed two suitcases and moved out to NYC" yes that is true.

I was hoping to have a "fun" conversation about women's rights and abortion issue. Really tweak right to life argument. It is so flawed and very very dangerous.

The context in how it was phrased paint a very different picture. though it is very true that high school had no value or nothing to offer for I was studying P. Chem, quantum mechanic (Schrodinger's equation, particle in a box), calculus and differential equation on my own at that time.

Well I did my civic duty without causing any raucous so that was all very good. Maybe next time.

[Trek420]

In all honesty, I wouldn't last a day in your job. I'm determined NOT to help my partner with her tech problems except to get her computer running or getting it connected to the WiFi. I've given up on keeping her computer virus free or how to keep out the virus. that concept is just too foreign. Also NOT to help my 87 yo mother with her cell phone. All I get is cauliflower ears and being chewed out. I just don't know how to explain things! or I am indifferent or don't care about their plight with tech problems. count the days and throw away the numbered paper plate every day!

Few people do. Seniority and tenure used to be a lot higher. In my view you want your CSR's to be happy, relaxed, comfy and not stressed because we are the voice of your company. I might go into this more at length later but for right now it's about 35 days till I start my using up vacation and 56 days till official retirement.

Till then one frustrating thing is especially at this time of year, it's the holidays, we're all a bit stressed and lonely.

We seem to get more calls now from the 87 year old with a smart phone. If grandma is not tech savvy get her a regular flip phone. They make them! One sad call I took recently, elderly woman in assisted living. The family got her an iPhone 4s, and they really will only respond to her texts. And she can't send texts. I figure out that the problem is her iOS is waaaaay out of date and the device has no memory, it's full. She's reluctant to delete anything from it because that phone, those are the only family photos she's got. I can help her back them up but there's no wifi in her rooom, only the community center which she can't get to. So we're stuck essentially because until she can get to the community center, have someone help her back up to the cloud, delete some stuff, update the iOS she's stuck.

If you're getting granny or gramps a smart phone for Xmas make d@mn sure it comes with a gift certificate for your time to help them set it up, manage and learn it. You don't even have to do that! Go to The free classes at Apple, they'll teach gramps, you just spring for lunch.