Dear So and So

[OakLeaf]

Dear puppies,

Please either go home or let me catch you so I can take you home. I really don't want to call the dog warden.

[Maxxxie]

Dear stupid dog walker: Your dog does not need a 10 metre dog lead, nor does said lead need to be stretched across the bike path. Fido will quite happily walk on a 2 metre lead, one which will be far easier to use to control said Fido. After many bell rings, you decided to reel Fido in, then when I swerved to the other side of the path (because Fido was still all over the bloody path), you said indignantly "he's only small!", as if Fido's size would make any difference to Fido's condition after being taken out by a bicycle. I wasn't swerving to avoid Fido because I'm frightened of dogs! I was avoiding Fido because you are too fragging stupid to control Fido and keep him separated from other path users. Fido will inevitably be run over by some poor cyclist in the future, and you, in your addled state, will not see that it could've been prevented.

Dear idiotic woman at the train station: I was absolutely shagged after my Mt Coot-Tha failure, and all I wanted was to get on the fragging lift and up to the platform where my train awaited. Instead of controlling your children (for the record, I was ahead of you in line), you let them push into the line ahead of me, where they then proceeded to gaggle around the lift button, preventing me from pushing it. And so, the lift stayed up at the platform, empty. Moments later, I heard the sound of my train departing. Without me. Screw you for not controlling your kids and for making me miss my train. The only good part about this story is that it was also your train, and so you got to spend half an hour on the freezing cold platform with your uncontrollable little miscreants. Sucked in. I, on the other hand, caught another train, which took me 15Km out of my way, but hey.. I enjoyed the ride. Did you enjoy the cold train station? I hope so.

Dear everybody else on the ride home: I've never encountered so many nice people on the paths as I did today. You all made the ride home that much nicer. So much so that I almost forgot about Fido and the train station incidents.

Oh, one more thing - dear Mr Philippines, the cyclist I encountered near Alderley on my way to Mt Coot-Tha. You were nice to ride with, and I enjoyed chatting with you. I hope we cross paths again.

Max

[katherine]

Dear Graduate Program Head,
You are a mysoginist and small minded. My thesis will be a groundbreaking annalysis of gender, race, and nationalism regardless of your fears that I am too much of a feminsit. BTW, your repeated use of the phrase "too tied to feminism" just tells me you have no idea what your talking about. Did your PhD come from a cereal box?
K.
Dear Out-of-Towners,
I know that we have a fabulous network of trails up here in the cool pines and that it is over a 100 in the deserts right now. Nonetheless it is called trail ettiquate. How would you like it if come February I come down to your trails and act like an a**hole?
K.

(OH, I feel better now.)

[Crankin]

Dear Clueless Woman at the Day Spa:
I know you are so involved with your precious children that you couldn't have possibly read the sign that says "no cell phones" in the manicure/pedicure room. I was having a relaxing foot massage in preparation for my son's wedding, when you appeared, nosily interjecting yourself into the conversation between myself and the woman who does my nails, as we discussed cycling.
Why does your kid and other various relatives have to call you five times in a half hour? And laughing at it, stating "Oh, I thought I turned it off," wasn't funny. I felt bad for the woman doing your nails, who was too wimpy to say something to you.
Thanks. You ruined what is usually a pleasant experience that I don't do very often.

[Biciclista]

Dear Mother
you absolutely drive me crazy.
I call you on the phone to be friendly and you scold me because
MY son (who is 31 years old) hasn't written back to your request for a housesitter?
and when I explained to you that I had already explained to you in an email
why he has not answered you (which HONESTLY I HAVE NO IDEA - he doesn't live with me OR tell me why he doesn't answer emails!!!)

you told me I DID NOT.... Now just because YOU haven't checked YOUR email does not give you the right of accusing ME of not responding.

then you write me another email calling me rude and Beyitchy for being abrupt in trying to escape the tonguelashing....

Unfortunately, half the time, this is how our conversations go. I cannot get along with my own mother. SIGH....

[Tuckervill]

I feel your pain, Mimi.

Karen

[Owlie]

Dear BF:
Sometimes, it is very difficult to say goodnight and put the phone down. I miss you.

Dear labs:
Would one of you like to hire me? I have prior lab experience. This is something I want to do. Please read my resume. (And do it sooner rather than later, please. I have rent that needs to be paid...)

[crazycanuck]

Dear nice bike company,

Where is my bike? I know it's been sent but umm...where is it?

[Blueberry]

Dear Mother:

I do not appreciate starting my day by having you whine at me during the entire 45 minute drive to work. I do not like to start my day on a down note. Since it's the only time you have to "talk" (since ever other time I try to call you you hang up on me for a "more important" phone call), I try to accommodate you. But I might start turning off my cell phone in the mornings.

The damsel in distress act doesn't work anymore. You are nearly 60. You are college educated. You have had someone pay off your mountain of credit card debt for you. Twice. I'm sorry you're there again, but it's not my problem and I'm pretty sure no one is going to bail you out this time. I'm sorry that typing is *so* hard and that you're going to have to pay someone to do it for you, but I'm not volunteering my little free time. I'm also sorry that you're going to have to find a "moronic five year old" to help you with your computer. I've tried to help you for hours and hours. If you would have listened, instead of telling me how to live my live, we might have made more progress.

If you're going to run a business, you can't rely on the free help of friends and family for years and years. 7 years is long enough. You should be able to answer a question of what sales volume it would take to make your business profitable instead of whining about a (pretty good) review someone wrote about you 2 years ago - which is now the "sole reason" your business is failing. Asking me for ideas for how to make it work is probably not the best idea after I gave you lots of ideas that you ignored because "you didn't know how to implement them" and "figuring out shipping rates was too hard."

I'm sorry that it's *so* hard to commute 45 minutes and work an 8 hour day. That's what I've been doing for - oh - about 7 years. You should count yourself lucky that you have a day job instead of complaining about the time, your 30 minute lunch that "just isn't long enough" and that "your life is over" because you have to work. Considering quitting the day job and going back to said business is probably not a good idea. But hey - it's your life.

Grow up,

Your daughter who is going to quit being the mom

Dear Grandma:

I love you, but I really need for you to stop facilitating the above behavior. I could also do without the lectures about how my mom just "needs to talk" and "I should let her" because her life is "so hard" and you "feel sorry for her." I wonder if this could be part of the problem?

Your granddaughter who still loves you, but wishes you would stay out of certain relationships

[Biciclista]

Dear Mother:

Dear Blueberry
Maybe I can hook your mother up with my mother. My mother tries to fix her own computer sometimes with disastrous results. Sometimes maybe not. Who knows?!

What's up with mothers anyway? I mean, I AM one.

sigh...

CC, I hope your bike comes soon. it's been a LONG LONG LONG time coming.

[oxysback]

To Whom it May Concern:

Thank you SO MUCH for a mom that was loving and supportive. I just wished she would have lived passed 42. I know we would have been great friends as adults.



I'm sorry, Mimi and Blueberry. Mom's should be better at 'mom stuff.'

[redrhodie]

Dear Stepmother (staying in the mother drift!),

Thank you for everything you've done for my father. I know he would have died long ago if not for your constant and diligent care. The news of your health problems is really worrying me. I don't know what he or I would do without you. I have faith that your love of life will help you overcome all of this, but I'm still worried about you.

Your Wicked Step Daughter

[tulip]

Dear Mimi and Blueberry,

(((HUGS to you both)))

[Xrayted]

Hey Mimi, your Mom sounds just like Kit's Mom. Are you sure they aren't related?

My Mom has been great. I've been lucky.

[Owlie]

Dear upstairs neighbors--
TURN YOUR MUSIC DOWN. I should not be able to pick out the lyrics.