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Thread: Dear So and So

  1. #7306
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
    Posts
    13,394

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    This is why I don't do big rides or group rides, unless I know the riders well.
    2015 Trek Silque SSL
    Specialized Oura

    2011 Guru Praemio
    Specialized Oura
    2017 Specialized Ariel Sport

  2. #7307
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Columbus, IN
    Posts
    216
    I choose the large rides I do, and I can usually take precautions to make it better. Our Wednesday night local ride sometimes attracts 50 or more riders, but half of them are racing up front so I just make sure I leave in the back of the pack and I'm fine. The same goes for RAIN. I line up in the back and while it still sucks for the first ten or fifteen miles, its better after that. Now I know the Horsey Hundred is also a leave late kind of ride :-) It was an absolutely beautiful ride so I'll likely do it again next year too.

    Rebecca -- I have several friends that have done RABRAI. They say wonderful things about it, and it's on my bucket list even if I can only go for a day or two (I'm pretty sure they have single day registrations in addition to the lottery for the whole week).

    Crankin - its funny. I used to be very afraid of traffic. Now I've determined that I might be more likely to wreck when riding with reckless riders (but hopefully the potential damage/injuries will at least be less).

    Seriously, sometimes we bikers are our own worst enemies with respect to "public relations" with non-riders. Yesterday I saw a Jimmy John delivery person darting through traffic going the wrong way on a one way street!

  3. #7308
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
    Posts
    13,394
    Yes, I am now more afraid of other cyclists than cars, too. My last group ride, 2 weeks ago (that I wasn't leading) had a couple of egregious incidents. I should have gone with the faster group, as they have good manners. Thing is, though, I can barely hang on with them. The next couple of rides with this group are far to drive to, so I will give them a rest. I think some in the group I lead for think I am a Nazi when it comes to safety and cycling etiquette, but I feel a big responsibility when I lead.
    2015 Trek Silque SSL
    Specialized Oura

    2011 Guru Praemio
    Specialized Oura
    2017 Specialized Ariel Sport

  4. #7309
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Troutdale, OR
    Posts
    2,600
    Dear weather,

    What is up with the wild temperature swing? Surely you not going through menopause. But what is the deal? One day, day time high is in the 50's then you decide to have a hot flash and next day the temp spikes into the 90's then back into the low 60's. Yesterday was nice comfortable 70F but this weekend, its going to top 100F then temp is going to drop into low '70s and possibly back into 60's next week. And the lows are just as bad. low 40's one night mid 60's another night... over 40degrees difference in day time high from one day to next is just too much!

    Enough! Our layer hens have stopped laying eggs because of the wild temperature swing. It is also the reason why the lettuce leaves are turning bitter and tough while radishes are turning hot. heavy mulching, shade cloth and extra watering can only do so much!! cherries have burnt up without ripening. Strawberries are not doing much better either.

    You are forcing us to grow indoors in a controlled environment using vertical hydroponic system and give up permaculture. I really do not want to give up permaculture principles.

    GAHHH!!!

  5. #7310
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    491
    Dear Girls at Work,

    It was really fun to see the pics of your outing last night that you posted. But it makes me wonder if none of you like me, since I wasn't asked nor included. To be fair, I did used to work every Friday through Sunday, and everyone at work knows I work weekends. But some of you who went now know I work every other Friday. I wish I knew what people didn't like about me. It makes me sad.
    2014 Surly Straggler
    2012 Salsa Casseroll - STOLEN

  6. #7311
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Western Canada-prairies, mountain & ocean
    Posts
    6,984
    Quote Originally Posted by VeganBikeChick View Post
    Dear Girls at Work,

    It was really fun to see the pics of your outing last night that you posted. But it makes me wonder if none of you like me, since I wasn't asked nor included. To be fair, I did used to work every Friday through Sunday, and everyone at work knows I work weekends. But some of you who went now know I work every other Friday. I wish I knew what people didn't like about me. It makes me sad.
    Hey, Vegan either ask about it and see if an extra person is ok for next outing. But be prepared for them not to answer openly.
    Otherwise don't sweat it. I've worked for over 9 different employers over past 3 decades.....after all that I didn't keep any friends. It doesn't help because I've lived in 3 different provinces over the years. Some workplaces I never went out of my way to socialize after work. I personally find it easier for reducing workplace / personal conflicts.

    I do have 1 friend where she and I work currently for same employer but thankfully she and I work in totally different depts. where our workpaths don't cross. I've wondered why she doesn't invite me to any local social functions with her local personal friends that she's pals for past few decades. They're around the same age as I or older.

    And these other friends of hers, also have similar backgrounds like her and I: born in Canada, Chinese background and university educated, work hard in their careers, etc.

    So I have resigned to the thought, I'm "special" to her. I don't what for...except she and I can talk about work stuff and know the personalities of certain employees, talk about cycling (because her paid job involves liveable/cycleable neighbourhoods). I dunno. Or maybe because I don't golf (like these other friends which she does golfing vacations, etc.)

    So we all have different friends for different facets of ourselves. And for whatever reasons, it's perceived certain friends don't mix with others. I tried this once for a housewarming party. The vibe didn't work among 4 different close friends that I acquired from different points in my life. Oh well.
    My Personal blog on cycling & other favourite passions.
    遙知馬力日久見人心 Over a long distance, you learn about the strength of your horse; over a long period of time, you get to know what’s in a person’s heart.

  7. #7312
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    california
    Posts
    1,227
    Quote Originally Posted by VeganBikeChick View Post
    Dear Girls at Work,

    It was really fun to see the pics of your outing last night that you posted. But it makes me wonder if none of you like me, since I wasn't asked nor included. To be fair, I did used to work every Friday through Sunday, and everyone at work knows I work weekends. But some of you who went now know I work every other Friday. I wish I knew what people didn't like about me. It makes me sad.
    Unless I know a reason I’d assume the intentions weren’t negative. Perhaps they just didn’t think you’d want to go or a number of other innocent reasons. A comment to one of them that you feel close to like “looks like a fun time…wish I’d been invited” would be my response and I’d leave it at that.
    Some people are just not sensitive in rejecting others and lack social grace…in that case I would find different people for friends. Being rejected is never fun but it can help to solidify our relationships with those who do care about us. Go for an enjoyable ride!!!...perhaps it would help to clear your mind of this...hoping you feel better
    Last edited by rebeccaC; 06-04-2016 at 09:47 PM.
    ‘The negative feelings we all have can be addictive…just as the positive…it’s up to
    us to decide which ones we want to choose and feed”… Pema Chodron

  8. #7313
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Uncanny Valley
    Posts
    14,501
    (((VBC))) Office politics are the worst. Sure it's possible they didn't mean anything by it, but that's no reason not to honor your hurt. Take good care. Hope you find someone there to connect with.
    Speed comes from what you put behind you. - Judi Ketteler

  9. #7314
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Traveling Nomad
    Posts
    6,763
    Quote Originally Posted by rebeccaC View Post
    A comment to one of them that you feel close to like “looks like a fun time…wish I’d been invited” would be my response and I’d leave it at that.
    Or "Looks like a fun time...let me know the next time; I'd love to join you!" Because you don't want to make them feel guilty or piss them off, I wouldn't think. Keep it positive. :-) And if they don't let you know the next time, well, then you don't need "friends" like that.
    Emily

    2011 Jamis Dakar XC "Toto" - Selle Italia Ldy Gel Flow
    2007 Trek Pilot 5.0 WSD "Gloria" - Selle Italia Diva Gel Flow
    2004 Bike Friday Petite Pocket Crusoe - Selle Italia Diva Gel Flow

  10. #7315
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    california
    Posts
    1,227
    Quote Originally Posted by emily_in_nc View Post
    Keep it positive. :-)
    of course
    ‘The negative feelings we all have can be addictive…just as the positive…it’s up to
    us to decide which ones we want to choose and feed”… Pema Chodron

  11. #7316
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
    Posts
    13,394
    I concur with Oak, that office politics are the worst. When I was teaching, I did socialize with colleagues outside of work, but in my last teaching job, I really pared that down. There is one person that I still see. And while I actually have more in common with the other therapists I work with now, it's strictly a professional relationship. A lot of them are cyclists, hikers, etc, so we have stuff to talk about at lunch. But, everyone has their own life and friends outside of work.
    It feels awful to be rejected or feel left out, and from my vantage, if VBC said something, I am betting they would be surprised and confused, and perhaps angry. People generally are not used to open, honest communication. And women seem to have a herd mentality with this kind of stuff. I am not going to generalize, but I would say hold your head up high and find friends elsewhere.
    2015 Trek Silque SSL
    Specialized Oura

    2011 Guru Praemio
    Specialized Oura
    2017 Specialized Ariel Sport

  12. #7317
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    491
    Thanks ladies (hug). It apparently was a last minute thing and no harm meant. Guess I'm just feeling overly sensitive these days. Appreciate your kind words of advice.
    2014 Surly Straggler
    2012 Salsa Casseroll - STOLEN

  13. #7318
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Indianapolis, Indiana
    Posts
    10,889
    So glad you found out what had happened! I am sensitive in the same way and know my fellow female coworkers do things regularly without inviting me. It used to really bother me but I decided to not allow it to do so. My interests outside work are quite different from theirs which is probably the reason. Occasionally they do something different and make a point to invite me so I don't think its really personal, at least not in that way. Used to really bother me though so I do understand.

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G870A using Tapatalk

  14. #7319
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Traveling Nomad
    Posts
    6,763
    I too am really sensitive about these sorts of things and tend to feel left out if I am not invited to do something, even if I end up declining because I don't want to do it, and that happened with some frequency back when I was working since I am introverted and pick my social occasions very carefully.

    I am glad it was no big deal after all, VBC, but I too would have felt bad at the time.
    Emily

    2011 Jamis Dakar XC "Toto" - Selle Italia Ldy Gel Flow
    2007 Trek Pilot 5.0 WSD "Gloria" - Selle Italia Diva Gel Flow
    2004 Bike Friday Petite Pocket Crusoe - Selle Italia Diva Gel Flow

  15. #7320
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Oslo, Norway
    Posts
    4,066
    I was thinking about this topic this weekend, because I was arranging a birthday party for a family member who is a self-professed hermit... It was a bit of challenge, not least because she makes very little effort to keep in touch with people herself and has few friends. Long story, lots of denial going on. Anyway. I can be quite an introvert myself but I recognize my own need for social contact so I make an effort to socialize regularly even when I don't always feel like it. (Wow, sitting quietly at my kitchen table and suddenly the garden filled up with birds. I guess someone noticed the cat wasn't around :-))
    My point was that I think everybody, no matter how social or introverted or extroverted, needs to belong to a group somehow. I think maybe the need to belong is stronger than the need for close friends. You can see close friends quite seldom, but on an everyday basis we need people who recognize us and hopefully like us, but simply having some kind of place in a group has value in itself.
    Just a random thought.
    Winter riding is much less about badassery and much more about bundle-uppery. - malkin

    1995 Kona Cinder Cone commuterFrankenbike/Selle Italia SLR Lady Gel Flow
    2008 white Nakamura Summit Custom mtb/Terry Falcon X
    2000 Schwinn Fastback Comp road bike/Specialized Jett

 

 

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