Dear So and So

[indysteel]

My "regular" friends think I am "crazy." I just laugh. They could tolerate me going to the gym and even working there, but cycling? It was OK for my son and DH. When I started cycling, they thought I was nuts and putting myself at risk. Too hard and dangerous.
What guys think muscles are weird? Is this a younger generation thing? The old guys in my riding group like women with muscles....

I don't see it as a generational thing or as something with historical roots (although maybe that explains it in some cultures). Rather, I think a lot of men, and people in general, are resistant to change, especially change that stands to highlight their own issues. How many people out there would prefer their partner remain overweight and out-of-shape because that enables them to stay the same way? I can also imagine that many men are threatened when their wives start getting in shape, for fear that they might leave or attract added attention from other men. I'm generalizing this to men, but I'm sure there are women who fear the same things.

I also think there are plenty of men--and women--who perceive muscular women to be less feminine. We at TE may realize the stupidity in such notions, but they persist regardless.

Even within healthy and evolved body attitudes, I think there's room for respectful differences of opinion. I prefer to look toned and lean, rather than really muscular. Not that I could achieve the latter, but I'm not after a bodybuilder's body for myself...but I respect the right of others to pursue the body they desire for themselves.

[limewave]

Yep, my boy is one of those too. He likes girls that are curvy and soft. To each his own, as they say.

DH likes me curvy and soft. Which is awesome. Part of me feels really "fat" when I line up next to the sinewy, lithe women at races. But DH is constantly affirming my physique . . .

[L-Bell]

Dear egomaniacal middle-aged man:

Thank you for reminding me of the importance of kindness and humility by being totally lacking in both in your role as “shepherd” on a training ride yesterday.

First you made fun of a lady who fell after getting tangled up in her clips, then you mocked my voice after I yelled out a safety call, then you rode behind me while talking loudly about “riding inefficiently, for example, THAT girl, who for some reason is in the SMALLEST front gear and pedaling too hard”, so that I had to turn around and say “excuse me, but are you talking about me? And why aren’t you offering to help me instead of talking about me to someone else?”.

You then refused to describe how to better utilize the gears, even after I explained that it was my 3rd time ever on a road bike and while I hadn’t mastered the terminology, we both knew I was referring to the left gear shift and how to better use it and I’d appreciate any advice you could give me, but you instead said things like, “LEFT and RIGHT are not terms that mean anything when talking about a bike – there are no LEFT and RIGHT gears – the aim is to ride EFFICIENTLY”.

Your role was to offer encouragement and support and you instead chose to humiliate and belittle. Next time at least wear a shirt that fits so no one has to look at your sweaty exposed lower back for 2 hours.

[Blueberry]

Hang in there, L-Bell! Thankfully, NOT all group rides are like that....

(and there are very good, knee protecting reasons that you might should be in your little front ring and upper range of the back cogs - most beginners ride in too hard a gear from the little bit I've observed)

[L-Bell]

Thank you, Blueberry... I don't know what's worse, his behavior or the fact that I let it get to me! I was actually having fun for the first 20 mi, relaxing and keeping the pace, not falling (my main goal), chatting with friendly strangers - then had to do the last 7 while trying not to cry. Oh well. Phooey on him.

[emily_in_nc]

Aw, that stinks, L-Bell. Try not to let it eat away at you. There are jerks everywhere. I let things like that bother me too, but I know intellectually they are NOT worth either of our life energies!

Good for you for getting out there and riding. You'll learn all the terminology in time. In the meantime, welcome to Team E, and the longer you hang out here, the more you'll learn. This is an incredibly supportive group of women, and we won't treat ya like that cycling snob, promise.

[lph]

What a stupid, pretentious a$$hole, L-Bell! And probably not very much past newbiedom himself. The most expert people I know are usually the ones that are the best at gently rephrasing their advice, again and again, until they're understood.

I poke fun at my sailing friends who refuse to use the words right and left as soon as they step on board a boat (- I mean, what's best in an emergency, having your doofus non-sailing buddy swing the boat in the right direction, or keeping to the correct nautical terms and having a boom thwack you in the head?), and threaten to start using "drivetrainside" and "non-drivetrainside" on them

[lovelygamer]

Goodness L-Bell, that sounds horrible. How is a person ever going to learn to group ride with someone teaching using that attitude? I would be so discouraged but try not to let him get to you. Your obviously willing to learn and be open. Hopefully he won't charge at you like that again.

[Bethaney]

Dear tidy bowl man,
Could you please design a toilet seat that automatically goes down on its own. Men find it far too difficult to do this small task on their own and we're sick of falling in the toilet.

http://adollablenursery.yolasite.com/
http://craftwhiz.blogspot.com/
http://trailerparksoap.blogspot.com/
http://scrawlbawl.blogspot.com/

[Owlie]

Dear egomaniacal middle-aged man:

Thank you for reminding me of the importance of kindness and humility by being totally lacking in both in your role as “shepherd” on a training ride yesterday.

First you made fun of a lady who fell after getting tangled up in her clips, then you mocked my voice after I yelled out a safety call, then you rode behind me while talking loudly about “riding inefficiently, for example, THAT girl, who for some reason is in the SMALLEST front gear and pedaling too hard”, so that I had to turn around and say “excuse me, but are you talking about me? And why aren’t you offering to help me instead of talking about me to someone else?”.

You then refused to describe how to better utilize the gears, even after I explained that it was my 3rd time ever on a road bike and while I hadn’t mastered the terminology, we both knew I was referring to the left gear shift and how to better use it and I’d appreciate any advice you could give me, but you instead said things like, “LEFT and RIGHT are not terms that mean anything when talking about a bike – there are no LEFT and RIGHT gears – the aim is to ride EFFICIENTLY”.

Your role was to offer encouragement and support and you instead chose to humiliate and belittle. Next time at least wear a shirt that fits so no one has to look at your sweaty exposed lower back for 2 hours.

What a tool!

[Crankin]

A shirtless rider wouldn't have been allowed to ride with either of the 2 groups I ride with. That's just gross and dangerous, too (road rash, anyone?).

That guy sounds like every stereotype of a roadie that could be imagined. What an azzhole.

[malkin]

Ew! L-bell, you can find a better group ride.

[Catrin]

Uuugh, what a ba$*@*d L-Bell, you can find a ride with a better leader than that... I would find that quite stressful myself and wouldn't be able to relax so I am glad you were able to enjoy part of the ride. His behavior was totally uncalled for. I've run across a couple of roadies like him, but only a couple.

Congratulations on your group ride and on getting out there with your lovely new bike!

[OakLeaf]

Ugh L-Bell. What an a-hole.

Not only would I find another group ride, if this one is sponsored by a larger club, I'd report the leader. It's true there are a few clubs that are that way through and through, but most club leadership wouldn't find that kind of behavior acceptable.

Glad you were able to find some enjoyment in the ride anyway, and hope you find a better group to ride with soon.

[alexis_the_tiny]

Dear kooky companies that make massage chairs and equipment,

Secretly, I thank you for existing, especially after that lady in the massage place nearly punctured my skull and backbone with her fingers and elbows while trying to work out my muscle knots. Not only has your back massager cushion thingy has worked out all the knots in my back from my bike, it does not cost me 30 bucks a pop and I can have it rub out the knots as many times as I need to in a day so my back can relax. Also, you have been the reason for my insanely rapid recovery in these few weeks of training. If they don't sell your products overseas, I'm definitely buying a massage chair to bring with me when I migrate.

Dear student,

I am SO proud of the progress you've made in the last couple of weeks. Baby steps, but these are the steps you will take to fulfilling the amazing potential we all see in you.