Dear So and So

[Crankin]

I have a problem with all of these "mean girls." Selkie, I've had people make comments about being petite, too. What ever happened to "you can think it, but don't say it?"
Some of this has been brought to light now that I am at a gym again. Sometimes, and I hate to say this, I don't like being in a class with all women! They see a new person and start checking me out... one woman came in and plunked her step down, 1 inch in front of where I was, so she could be near "her friend." I guess I was in her space? Cyclists aren't like this at all, thankfully.

[lph]

I remember that being one of the first things I taught my son about behaviour in public: "if you want to say something about someone else, whisper it to me, no matter what it is."

Later we went into discussing why, with my main point being that most grown people just don't like to be pointed at or commented on. It's a concept that kids take a little while to grow into. And I guess a few adults never grasp...

[Biciclista]

Honestly, I was glad the day my husband answered a question of mine, "no, you're not thin any more" because it was about that time that women quit treating me like I was subhuman for not having a weight problem. I cannot tell you how many times I have been between the crosshairs of some woman. "YOU don't understand. How COULD you understand?"


and about the wool. If you don't have a super cool cedar chest to keep it in, get ziplock bags..

[Veronica]

What ever happened to "you can think it, but don't say it?"

In this society "anything goes". Polite behavior has gone out the window.

Veronica

[Owlie]

Dear Owlie
you don't have to spend a lot of $$$ for those wool underlayers. You'd be surprised what you can find in a thrift store..

It's not that I don't have stuff (I do.) It'a matter of making myself go outside.

[NbyNW]

People can have a weird way of projecting their own insecurities onto you. I don't know if it makes them feel better to do so, but it really is their problem, not yours.

I've gotten comments about being too skinny my whole life. Even during a very stressful time of my life when I had trouble keeping weight on, in spite of a healthy appetite, I got dangerously thin.

We all have our burdens. I've never found it productive to compare who's got it more difficult.

[snapdragen]

channlluv, if it's any consolation, the only way I see you is that big, victorious smile in your avatar, and it's gorgeous.

+1,000,000,000

Maybe we can come up with some snappy comebacks...

[indysteel]

Dear retail gods: Why is it so hard to find a wool winter coat that fits? I go through this every few years and it's always torture. Enough with the vanity sizing for one. I'm not skinny, so why are most coats huge on me? On the flip side of the coin, why does J. Crew think that the average woman has toothpicks for arms? As I tried your coats on, I heard several women experiencing the same problem that I was. The coat otherwise fit but was cut much too tightly under the arms. Argh. And enough with the weird designs, too. Why would I want a winter coat with three-quarter length sleeves or a lapel as big as my body? Just give me a classic, well proportioned cut. In a camel color preferably. Black is no good; I have cats.

Thank you.

[tangentgirl]

Classic but true: mean people suck.

[Bethany1]

I've had the "so when are you due?" question before. I just smile and say, "Thanks for asking, but I'm not expecting".

What gets me are the skinny girls that are always complaining about being fat. I figure I have a right to complain, but they just sound pathetic.

[indysteel]

I've had the "so when are you due?" question before. I just smile and say, "Thanks for asking, but I'm not expecting".

What gets me are the skinny girls that are always complaining about being fat. I figure I have a right to complain, but they just sound pathetic.

I am truly sympathetic to anyone with weight issues. That includes thin people with a distorted body image or those who use calorie deprivation as a means to self-medicate. Trust me; it's no walk in the park either.

[indysteel]

It's not that I don't have stuff (I do.) It'a matter of making myself go outside.

I don't always motivate to ride when it's cold, but there are other things (hiking and running) that I enjoy and that don't seem quite as brutal when it's cold. I'd love to x-country ski if we had the snow for it in Indiana. Is there any other outside activity that you might enjoy in the winter?

[OakLeaf]

Exactly. If weight were self-determined, then Karen Carpenter was fat the day she died.

[channlluv]

You guys are all so thoughtful. Thank you.

I realize body image is all relative. I've got a friend who is tall, uberfit, gorgeous, and when we come off a 12-mile ride, she complains about her pooch to the other thin women in our group (which is all of the other three -- I'm the only fat one riding here). This leads them all to complain about their own bellies or thighs or whatever...I just stand there thinking, "Are you kidding?" But it's all relative.

It's okay to make jokes about fat people in our society. On one of my favorite TV shows, the beautiful female police detective got all bent out of shape because a carnie weight guesser said she weighed 145 pounds, and it became a running bit through the show. "He was right about every one else. Why would he say I weigh 145? Do I look like I weigh 145?" Turns out the guy was part of the bad guy ring and was just calling her fat - 145 is fat - to rattle her and derail her investigation, and it worked.

People feel free to lecture me on nutrition, too. Like my cart's not full of organic veggies and lean meats and whole grain whatever. They had success with such-and-such diet and I should try it, too.

I know they mean well, so I just smile and nod. It's all relative.

Roxy

[ladyicon]

A lot of weight has to do with DNA and hormones. I should know since I keep gaining weight during menopause.