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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    North Central Florida
    Posts
    3,387

    Remarkable Obituary

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    Remarkable Obituary

    Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend,
    Mr. Common Sense.
    Mr. Sense had been with us for many years.
    No one knows for sure how old
    he was since his birth records were long ago
    lost in bureaucratic red tape.

    He will be remembered as having cultivated
    such value lessons as knowing
    when to come in out of the rain,
    why the early bird gets the worm and
    that life isn't always fair.

    Common Sense lived by simple,
    sound financial policies
    (don't spend more than you earn)
    and reliable Parenting strategies
    (adults, not kids, are in charge.)

    His health began to rapidly deteriorate
    when well intentioned but
    overbearing regulations were set in place.

    Reports of a six-year-old
    boy charged with sexual harassment
    for kissing a classmate;

    teens suspended from school for using
    mouthwash after lunch;

    and a teacher fired for reprimanding an
    unruly student,
    only worsened his condition.

    Mr. Sense declined even further when
    schools were required to get parental consent
    to administer aspirin to a student;
    but, could not inform the parents when a student
    became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

    Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live
    as the Ten Commandments became contraband;
    churches became businesses;
    and criminals received better treatment
    than their victims.

    Common Sense finally gave up the ghost
    after a woman failed to realize that a
    steaming cup of coffee was hot,
    she spilled a bit in her lap,
    and was awarded a huge financial settlement.

    Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion;
    his daughter, Responsibility;
    and his son, Reason.

    He is survived by two stepbrothers;
    My Rights and Ima Whiner.
    Not many attended his funeral because
    so few realized he was gone.

    If you still remember him,
    pass this on;
    if not, join the majority and do nothing.
    ***********
    "...I'm like the cycling version of the guy in Flowers for Algernon." Mike Magnuson

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    584
    Thanks for posting that. I hadn't seen it in awhile. Here's another one that that you might find interesting. Someone sent it to me. Jennifer


    **Changing Times**



    Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.



    1973 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.



    2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.



    ++++++++++++++++++++++



    Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.



    1973 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.



    2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.



    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



    Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.



    1973 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.



    2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.



    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++



    Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping.



    1973 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.



    2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.



    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



    Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.



    1973 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.



    2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.



    +++++++++++++++++++++++++



    Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant.



    1973 - Five High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special school for expectant mothers.



    2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told to be more careful next time.



    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++



    Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.



    1973: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.



    2006: Pedro's cause is taken up by state democratic party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English.



    +++++++++++++++++++++



    Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.



    1973 - Ants die.



    2006 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.



    +++++++++++++++++++++



    Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.


    1973 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

    2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Trondheim, Norway
    Posts
    1,469
    I hate to get serious in the humor thread area, but ...
    common sense is not necessarily consistent. Common sense can also be self-contradictory. Just try comparing old common sense sayings like "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and "out of sight, out of mind". Both make perfect common sense. The commonsensical art of it is to know when the one or the other applies ... which in this instance probably depends on how fond the heart is to start with.

    As to the points in the "obituary", I would agree with most, but I beg to differ with some. For instance, the Ten Commandments are not "contraband". You can even teach them, as factual knowledge about culture, in class. You just can't teach them in a public school class as "God's truth". This is because the Founding Fathers, in all their commonsensical wisdom, decided that religion is one thing and science another, and that public schools should focus on science and refrain from taking sides in religious issues, since this then-new country was supposed to be a haven for religious freedom of choice. So yes, in terms of teaching world cultures and religions as a set of observations about what folks believe in, you may go ahead and teach the Ten Commandments. But please don't proselatize about them. That still, to my mind, makes common sense.
    Half-marathon over. Sabbatical year over. It's back to "sacking shirt and oat cakes" as they say here.

  4. #4
    Kitsune06 Guest
    Hear,Hear.

    Not all changes are bad, though. We've made some pretty decent jumps in common sense as far as human rights go (depending on where you live)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    8,548
    Quote Originally Posted by Duck on Wheels View Post

    As to the points in the "obituary", I would agree with most, but I beg to differ with some. For instance, the Ten Commandments are not "contraband". You can even teach them, as factual knowledge about culture, in class. You just can't teach them in a public school class as "God's truth". This is because the Founding Fathers, in all their commonsensical wisdom, decided that religion is one thing and science another, and that public schools should focus on science and refrain from taking sides in religious issues, since this then-new country was supposed to be a haven for religious freedom of choice. So yes, in terms of teaching world cultures and religions as a set of observations about what folks believe in, you may go ahead and teach the Ten Commandments. But please don't proselatize about them. That still, to my mind, makes common sense.
    want to hear something REALLY funny? the politician who made such a big deal about having the 10 commandments placque on public property could not recite them!!
    Mimi Team TE BIANCHISTA
    for six tanks of gas you could have bought a bike.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    North Central Florida
    Posts
    3,387
    Where I live, everyone has a cardboard sign with the 10 Commandments on it in their front yard.

    Please don't turn my post into another church thread!

    Nanci
    ***********
    "...I'm like the cycling version of the guy in Flowers for Algernon." Mike Magnuson

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    the foggy wetlands,los osos,ca
    Posts
    2,860
    It's funny i was thinking to myself... I have not seen Nanci post for a while ? So i did a search and here I find you have been hangin in the humor section. Glad you are ok!
    Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
    > Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life!

 

 

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