Not sure I should even post this.

[Raindrop]

I'm hanging in there. I've been lurking, but don't really have a whole lot to say right now.

This season is hard on a lot of people, not only those who've lost someone, but for those who've lost their marriages, their jobs, their sobriety, their children/friends to drugs etc.

It has made me want to be nicer to everyone...even when they are being crabby or exasperated. You just never know what might be going on in their life that might be behind their behavior.

[LBTC]

I'm hanging in there. I've been lurking, but don't really have a whole lot to say right now.

This season is hard on a lot of people, not only those who've lost someone, but for those who've lost their marriages, their jobs, their sobriety, their children/friends to drugs etc.

It has made me want to be nicer to everyone...even when they are being crabby or exasperated. You just never know what might be going on in their life that might be behind their behavior.

Raindrop, I'm glad you're doing alright. And your attitude is quite amazing! How very kind of you!

We need more Raindrops in the world, don't you all think?

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[tygab]

Hi Raindrop,

I was not on the forum much in late Nov/early Dec, so I missed this initially entirely. I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I know but only a little of what you are going through. I wrote about it here also earlier in Nov:

http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?t=11604

You can PM me if you want to talk about anything. Please know that you are not alone and there are people you can talk to, both close by and afar who can relate to the challenges you are facing.

Take care and a ((((hug))) from me. I am feeling very sad as I type this.

[emily_in_nc]

Raindrop,

I also missed this thread as I was on vacation when you posted. I am so deeply sorry to hear about your brother. In some way I can relate to what you are going through, because my father was killed in a car accident in Oct. '05, and it was the most devastating experience I have ever had to go through. It was too sudden...too shocking...too wrong...too soon...too overwhelming...too everything. I was a complete emotional basket case for some time afterwards, and even now, I still have my difficult moments. I miss him terribly and always will.

I couldn't ride my bike for nine months after the accident. I just couldn't make myself go back out on the road, the place where my dad was killed. He was in a tiny Honda Civic and didn't stand a chance against a huge pickup, much as we cyclists don't if a motorist doesn't see us. There were some parallels in my mind, so road riding seemed a very scary thing.

I finally started mountain biking, because I missed riding so much. I loved it. I started feeling like myself again. It did wonders for my spirits, and I could hardly wipe the grin off my face. And a couple of months later, I tentatively got back on the road too. I haven't ridden on the road much, but when I did, on roads I felt were safe, I felt good, and found that my fear was very close to being gone. It felt great to be back out there. Just getting out there was the hardest part. I don't know that I will ever ride the way I used to -- it was my main focus of life for a couple of years, but then I had a cycling accident that broke my pelvis, and six months later my Dad's accident changed me forever. But I still enjoy the sport and hanging out here and chatting, riding the trainer, attempting to mountain bike, etc. I am feeling much stronger emotionally today, but it has taken awhile. Healing doesn't happen overnight.

Give yourself time to grieve and heal. There is NO timetable except that of your heart and soul. You will know when it is time to ride again, and your bike will be waiting.

A quote from one of the books I read about sudden death really stuck with me. It said "You don't get over it; you just learn to live with it." I've found that to be true.

I wish you peace.

Emily

[salsabike]

Raindrop---we're still thinking about you, still caring about you. Please just know that.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Raindrop---we're still thinking about you, still caring about you. Please just know that.

Yes, what Salsa said!

[Patti37]

I'm hanging in there. I've been lurking, but don't really have a whole lot to say right now.

This season is hard on a lot of people, not only those who've lost someone, but for those who've lost their marriages, their jobs, their sobriety, their children/friends to drugs etc.

It has made me want to be nicer to everyone...even when they are being crabby or exasperated. You just never know what might be going on in their life that might be behind their behavior.

What an amazing attitude you have! It is true that we don't know what is going on with people we meet in our every day lives.

Thoughts and prayers are with you.

[bambu101]

Raindrop, Well-said and so very true. You just don't know what is going on with people that you encounter. Last year, my father was gravely ill with kidney disease, and my sister and 2 brothers and I spent the holiday season helplessly watching him get worse and worse. He passed away on December 30th, and I can remember going out Christmas shopping, and becoming furious that everyone else was all jolly and festive, and my dad was dying. It was an awful holiday season, and this year we will all be thinking of him and trying to celebrate in spite of the huge hole without him there in our family gathering.
Hugs to you and everyone else who has lost someone they loved this past year.
Wendy

[missymaya]

Raindrop
I'm deeply sorry for you loss. The pain somtimes feels almost unexpressable because it's so overwhelming but it will dull in time. Keep your brother in your memories. There will be times when you will smell something or hear something that will bring up a memory of him and it will hurt because it will also remind of you of his loss. Embrace those memories and the feelings, for they will help you go through this painful time and help you grow stronger and more understanding as well. My thoughts are with you.