Ironman 703 Lake Stevens

[SadieKate]

It was humiliating, to be honest. And very very demoralizing.

This, too, shall pass. How many have never even tried for goals so far outside their typical comfort zone? I think years from now you'll look back and just check it off as one unexpected rung in the ladder.

So its time for me to back off for a while and do stuff for fun; to do things that make me feel good about myself again. Ride my bike. Just for the pure pleasure of it. Run without a HR monitor. Trail run. Crazy *** rando rides. Hang out with my friends and people who care about me, instead of always having to beg off because I have to train. I'm done with training for awhile. I feel like all the joy has been sucked out of this stuff for me, and I want it back. I miss my riding buddies and I miss my Sweetpea.

Two of the best words ever spoken, er, written.

[SadieKate]

. . I'm afraid of drowning (really truly viscerally afraid of it.

I totally get this and it's why I bike, run and fish. Seriously, learning to row a drift boat and trying to wade some big rivers can be frightening enough. I can confront the water as long as I can keep my head above water and my contacts in place.

[colby]

Sounds like an "aim for the moon, even if you fail you fall among the stars" kind of situation. Welcome to the stars

Your swimming has come a long way in the process, perhaps over time you can build that confidence - or determine that you just hate endurance swimming. That's okay, too. They make duathlons and all manner of solo bike/run events for a reason!

[Crankin]

Susan, your plan for the rest of the summer sounds wonderful.
I don't do tris, but what you said about swimming is exactly how I feel. I can't tell you how many times I have been asked why I won't do a tri. The answer is simple: I am afraid of drowning. I am a crappy swimmer and I have a real visceral fear of not being able to touch the ground.
On the other hand, I am faced with a 7 mile climb up a mountain, with some 18% grades in spots, in a couple of weeks. While I am not sure I can do it, I will try, because based on my experience, I know I can turn around and ride back down, and I won't die from it. And I know that with a little mental toughness, I probably can do it. There's a huge difference between that and a fear of drowning.
Life is too short to feel like all of this stuff we do is a chore.

[Blueberry]

I wonder if you had the same kind of acute pulmonary edema that happened to jesvetmed a few years ago? I'm going to PM her and ask her to weigh in on this thread and describe what happened to her. If so, it's truly not something you can argue with, and strength of mind has nothing to do with it---it's a real physiological event.

Here is the thread where Jesvetmed described her experience. Here is the link she posted. (Just in case she doesn't come back in response to a PM).

That thread was a trip down memory lane - lots of people who used to be regulars and aren't anymore. I miss lots of them. I hope it just means they're out enjoying their lives.

[Susan Otcenas]

Blueberry, thanks for the links! Much more informative than the wikipedia article I read. And surprising how many of the swimmers were quite experienced and/or strong.

Many of the experiences described sound like precisely what happened to me. OK on the first half, in serious distress on the second. I might have been guilty of over-hydration as well. I wasn't visibly coughing up froth, though there was plenty of liquid in my lungs rattling around when I breathed or coughed. Perhaps I got out of the water "in time" to prevent it from reaching that stage. I'm petrified of drowning, but the idea of an experience so severe that one could essentially drown on dry land after getting out of the water is a horror I can't even contemplate.

Interestingly, I *did* get a bigger wetsuit (2 sizes bigger, actually!) this season, because a) I thought some of my panic issues might have been coming from the suit feeling too tight and b) I've gained (mumble-mumble) pounds in the last 2 years and am no longer in the size range of my old suit anyway. Where I was at the high end of the weight range for my old suit (when it still fit), I'm now at the low weight for my new suit. There's definitely a difference in how my chest feels. It's helped the feeling of panic, but hasn't eliminated it. I imagine this weekend's experience would have been worse in my old suit.

[Wahine]

I'd agree that your experience sounds very much like SIPE (swimming induced pulmonary edema). It's very real. It's very scary. And there's no pushig through it, that's for sure.

I think you said it best when you touched on the aspects of there being no joy in your training and that you missed your buddies and your Sweatpea. It's the reason why after 4 IM finishes, I don't have any intentions of doing another one soon. I still love triathlon and I'm still coaching, but I don't want to push myself that hard anymore. I don't want to put in 20 training hours a week and I don't want to try to juggle 3 disciplines. And that's just fine.

So good on you for making a tough choice. One that goes against the grain of what our society tends to encourage, this rediculous idea that letting go of an athletic goal is in some way a failure. Good for you for chosing to have balance and happiness in life.

[solobiker]

I'd agree that your experience sounds very much like SIPE (swimming induced pulmonary edema). It's very real. It's very scary. And there's no pushig through it, that's for sure.

I think you said it best when you touched on the aspects of there being no joy in your training and that you missed your buddies and your Sweatpea. It's the reason why after 4 IM finishes, I don't have any intentions of doing another one soon. I still love triathlon and I'm still coaching, but I don't want to push myself that hard anymore. I don't want to put in 20 training hours a week and I don't want to try to juggle 3 disciplines. And that's just fine.

So good on you for making a tough choice. One that goes against the grain of what our society tends to encourage, this rediculous idea that letting go of an athletic goal is in some way a failure. Good for you for chosing to have balance and happiness in life.

+1 I could not agree more. I am in awe of your dedication, training that you did and very much respect the decisions that you have made. I have only done a few sprint tris...nothing at all compared to what you have done.

Out here in CO a lot of people are "peak baggers" and I used to try to get to the summit of every rock, ice, snow. ect climb I did which put a lot of pressure on both DH (climbing partner) and myself. I am no longer that focused on getting to the summit and just enjoy the time hiking and exploring my surrondings. Just trying to make a comparision.

[Susan Otcenas]

...it's making me feel really crummy about myself as an athlete and I don't want to feel that way.

I just had exactly the sort of weekend I needed. On Saturday, I dusted off my Sweetpea, left my house at 6:30am and proceeded to ride 144 miles with 10,650 feet of elevation gain.

All by myself. Just me, my bike, and miles of nearly car-free pavement.

I feel restored.

Susan

[Veronica]

Woohooo!!! Glad to hear that.

Veronica

[Wahine]

I just had exactly the sort of weekend I needed. On Saturday, I dusted off my Sweetpea, left my house at 6:30am and proceeded to ride 144 miles with 10,650 feet of elevation gain.

All by myself. Just me, my bike, and miles of nearly car-free pavement.

I feel restored.

Susan

Fantastic!

[salsabike]

I think you said it best when you touched on the aspects of there being no joy in your training and that you missed your buddies and your Sweatpea. It's the reason why after 4 IM finishes, I don't have any intentions of doing another one soon. I still love triathlon and I'm still coaching, but I don't want to push myself that hard anymore. I don't want to put in 20 training hours a week and I don't want to try to juggle 3 disciplines. And that's just fine.

So good on you for making a tough choice. One that goes against the grain of what our society tends to encourage, this rediculous idea that letting go of an athletic goal is in some way a failure. Good for you for chosing to have balance and happiness in life.

Yep--glad you had a great ride this weekend, Susan. And Wahine, lovely post, this is.