how do you forgive yourself for being a jerk to your SO...

[VeloVT]

Chicago, I don't really have anything new to add, but I think everyone has good advice.

--I agree that sometimes being the victim is a form of passive aggression, and he needs to take responsibility for telling you how he feels.

--It's helpful sometimes, when you can feel a fight coming on but you feel like it's really important to communicate what you are trying to communicate, to step back and say, "It seems like I'm hurting your feelings, and I really don't mean to do that. It seems like you are interpreting what I am saying as X, Is that right?" I know that's not that helpful without more specifics, but sometimes trying to really understand WHY the other person is reacting the way they are to what you are saying can turn it back into a constructive conversation.

[indysteel]

As others have suggested, you are only half of the problem here. Yes, you should probably evaluate whether you're overly critical as a general rule or were overly critical of him. But the fact that he didn't express his feelings and provide you with a meaningful opporunity to change and, instead, chose to just walk out the door suggests to me that he has a lot of work to do on himself, too.

I grew up in a family where the norm was to simply cut people out and walk away, so I understand his approach more than I care to admit. It's taken a lot of work, some therapy, and the love of some very trustworthy people to break that habit.

In any event, I'm very sorry you're hurting.

Hugs,

Kate