Need Your Help - OT & Long!

[mtbdarby]

Hi Ladies,
I’ve found myself in a spot where I really feel only you ladies will understand what I’m talking about/feeling and I need your support.

Where biking is concerned, I’ve set a goal this year to do a 12 hour enduro event May 13th. If that goes well, I want to do two more, peaking July 29th at the 24-9 race at Nine Mile which is also a National 24 hour solo race this year. I’ve had a difficult time finding someone local to help me develop a training plan, but I found a great website on 24 hour training which had some good training info on it, so I have my mileage planned out with intensity, interval, and enduro rides built in. Right now they are all on the trainer so I don't have to tell you how boring that is. I'm done with my base training and into my intensity phase. I'm a slow rider but I've seen progress. I'm 2 mph faster than when I started so I'll take it. I think if I trained with someone or had a coach to check in with I'd make faster gains. With my little guy I really have a hard time committing 4 days a week to riding, which will actually be harder to commit to on the road once it's nice out. My time with him is just too precious! But I am concerned that I will be ready for this race. I also do pilates 1-2x per work to work my core strength, but I’ve slacked (read stopped) doing my strength training which I need to get back at. I also will have to be out of town for business for a week at the end of April and would like some insight on how you keep to your training schedules when you’re traveling like that. Any ideas would be appreciated. Heck, anyone in Indianapolis that I could ride bike with would be better!

I still need to drop some serious weight. Ten pounds easy which is going to be a problem. I know I'm not eating enough on the weekends for my long ride which is only at 30 miles this week. After this weekend though, every weekend long ride will be my personal record so that is exciting and motivating to me! I’m the kind of person that has to write down a game plan to stick to it and I need someone to check in with me periodically to keep me honest.

I also still need to make a decision on my bikes. My hybrid bike is heavy and shifts the opposite way my mtb does and it messes me up when I switch bikes. I need to buy a bike rack for my car that will run $500 so I only have a budget of less than $400 for my bike needs. So, should I buy a new wheel set for my mtb and change out to ride that on the road as well and just leave my hybrid on the trainer, should I upgrade my shifters on my hybrid, or should I buy an inexpensive road bike? I really need some thoughts here.

On the personal side my b@#ch of a neighbor has been calling the cops on one of my dogs saying he's barking all the time. He's only outside a few hours a day and when the cops investigated they said it wasn't a problem but they gave me a ticket anyway. Now I have to write a letter to the court and plead not guilty and meet with the city attorney, blah, blah, blah. Why can't people just leave me alone??

The dating thing has been working on me too. Treasure your marriage and do everything in your power to make it work because divorce and dating again stinks! The last guy I dated - a banker, educated, successful, did a tri every year - turned out to be a creep and dumped me via email at work because I wouldn't sleep with him after only dating for 3 weeks. Then I found out that the one serious relationship I had since being single, the guy I thought I was going to marry but dumped me and didn't explain why, is getting married. It just stings. And next week will be one year since he walked out on me so that's in the back of my mind. So I was just taking a break from it all and I met a paramedic (hey, he could come in handy for the biking season, right?, lol!). We've hit it off so well it's scaring the crap out of me. So I'm going to take it easy and see what happens but I've already let him know that my training is very important to me right now.

Quite seriously, I really would like to know if deep down I only mountain bike and race as some sort of connection to my ex bf. On the other hand, I don't know that it matters because it makes me feel good about myself to get out there and pedal. What are your thoughts other than, man, is she rambling? The races I know he'll be at make me nervous (no doubt he'll be at the big ring because his son should be racing) and he races in the 24-9 race each year as well. That race to me is like my spiritual journey, demon-fighting time, way to prove he didn't get me down, connect with God time. Does that sound dumb? I really don't like to see him because it's like getting kicked in the stomach, yet I don't know how else to heal. Next week will be one year that he walked out on me and I find myself in kind of a funk. Short of keeping to my routine and just riding it out, I don’t know what else to do, but I know I needed to get this out to you guys because you’ll at least understand.

I just need some moral support on the guy thing but some training advice would be appreciated. My family doesn’t understand my love for biking and what I get out of it, my gf that bikes has been dealing with the unexpected death of her brother and my other biking buddy is an ex bf and we just don’t talk well about deep stuff like this. Thanks for listening – you guys are the best!

[fixedgeargirl]

Wow, Darby, good on ya for being so motivated, dedicated and keeping your priorities regarding the kiddo where you need them to be !

I need to buy a bike rack for my car

That one's easy, shop for a used rack. Try craigslist, websites or publications put out by local cycling clubs, the classifieds. Ask your cycling buddies for help with the technical aspects of what kind you need, do that research before you shop. You can save some serious money buying used and have that much more for components .

I met a paramedic (hey, he could come in handy for the biking season, right?, lol!). We've hit it off so well it's scaring the crap out of me. So I'm going to take it easy and see what happens but I've already let him know that my training is very important to me right now.

Having a paramedic on hand could certainly come in handy ! It's that last sentence that's important. You told him up front where your priorities are. Sometimes saying it out loud to someone else helps remind ourselves. Good for you!

You ask this question:

Quite seriously, I really would like to know if deep down I only mountain bike and race as some sort of connection to my ex bf.

You answer it with your own words (and my bolding ):

Where biking is concerned, I’ve set a goal this year to do a 12 hour enduro event May 13th.

After this weekend though, every weekend long ride will be my personal record so that is exciting and motivating to me!

On the other hand, I don't know that it matters because it makes me feel good about myself to get out there and pedal. That race to me is like my spiritual journey, demon-fighting time, way to prove he didn't get me down, connect with God time.

Here's the hard one :

Heck, anyone in Indianapolis that I could ride bike with would be better!

I'd be right there with you if I could!

[Trek420]

mtbdarby wrote a lot of stuff but "would like to know if deep down I only mountain bike and race as some sort of connection to my ex bf. On the other hand, I don't know that it matters because it makes me feel good about myself to get out there and pedal."

mtdarby {{{{hugs}}}}} Sorry things are so hard.

I think you answered your own question.

Does cycling make you feel good? I think your anwer is yes? Are you having fun? In amoung the hard work I think your anwer is yes, right? Does it make you feel powerful and give you a sense of accomplishment? H*** yes Have you found a supportive community? Hope that's a yes. Will you be in a better place and feeling good about yourself when (note I don't say "if") you meet Mr. Right? Yes.

Take good care of yourself, the little guy and the doggie. Meanwhile eat to win, ride to eat. {{{hugs}}}}

[caligurl]

awwwwww keep your chin up, darby!

as far as poochie! can you buy him a crate and keep in it inside instead of outside? we used to leave brie and tyler outside.. but were forced to keep them inside while were at work when brie hurt her shoulder.... they stayed inside in their crates all the time after that (except when we were going to be gone more than 10-12 hours!)

now brie stays in the house without even being in her crate.. but some would argue they are safer IN their crates!

plus, if i were having trouble with my neighbors... i'm paraoid enough to think they might hurt my precious dog is she were outside and decided to bark (or even if she didn't.. they might hurt her just cuz they are meanspirited!)

if mtb-ing makes you feel good... then just DO IT!

[Trekhawk]

Aaaa affairs of the heart always hit us hard. Sending giant hugs your way. It sounds like you love to ride so keep it up. Sometimes it can be hard to see all the good stuff in our lives when the bad stuff is there too but look closely and you will see all you have to be happy about. Hug your boy, pat your dog and dont give that ex a thought.

Tell yourself if he left then its his HUGE loss not yours. You obviously have heaps to offer so save your energy for someone who sees that.

Good luck with the training and let us know how you are getting along.

[CorsairMac]

Sometimes we do get into things because of our DHs'/SOs but you have stayed with it and set goals within the sport that you want to achieve - I'd say you're doing this for yourself! and wow - some goals my friend! Good luck with every one of them.

As for the dating scene, I've been single for 6 yrs now and can't think of a reason why I would want to change that! I am so enjoying my freedom!! But I wish you all the best on that scene too - being alone isn't for everyone.

and know we're always here for you!! {{{{{{darby}}}}

[Nanci]

Hi Darby,

I don't know what I can add that others haven't already said, but I can sympathize. First! I DO NOT like red. I find it very distracting! I worked a SAG stop for bike Florida this morning, and there was a gentleman wearing red shorts. Not only could you see _everything_, you could see _every detail_ of everything! So no, if anyone ever wondered, the men in Darby's whatchacallit little picture thing are _not_ Photoshoppedly Enhanced!

I had this BF. I met him as I was getting divorced and moving to FL and leaving my family and my job and all security. We moved in together several months later. He was French, but here on work. I for some reason imagined him as my next DH- perhaps it was because he said I was the best GF in the whole universe, daily, and swore he loved me more than anything. He was very athletic, and became more so. I started running because of him. On my first try, I couldn't make it around the block. I MTB'd, though, that was my sport. French BF also did triathlons. That's where I was first exposed to the sport.

After a couple years, after saying goodbye one morning, as normal, I listened to my cell messages as I was leaving work, two weeks into my first "real" job since moving here. (I took a year off to cave dive, then worked a "fun" job for a year.) French BF had left a message, but he was crying, and I didn't listen/was scared and called him. The message was, since he wasn't ever going to marry me, and take me to France, and have babies, he didn't think it was fair to live with me any more. I immediately crashed my car. Nice.

But I kept running, and even ran a marathon within a year of getting dumped. I think I ran because I loved it, but spite was certainly fuel to run on. I think I wasn't good enough to marry because I was too fat and not athletic enough and didn't have a professional enough job and was too old.

He's getting married in May. Yeah, it still stings.

I started dating people. They all sucked, and were liars. Several, I think, were married. Current BF, who I knew from cave diving, but only by e-mail, it's a small world, moved down here and one thing led to another and soon we were living together and are coming up on four years this August. He does triathlons. I have seen him through to the Ironman level, through all the training, sponsored him when he was in school and when he had a cr*p job. Eventually, I became curious. I borrowed his old bike to ride 37 miles of a Century, the fall of 2004, and that was it for me. I was _so_ hooked. It took me until last August to realize I had to buy a "real" road bike, and have not looked back. Also, last year, I did two triathlons- yes short and sprinty and wimpy, but it's a start. I would _never_ give up either thing, though it was via men that I discovered both. Now it's _my_ thing, and I have taken it to a level that I would never have dreamed of when 100 miles in one day seemed impossible.

Hopefully things will work out with the paramedic. Sometimes, you start out not having the same exact interests, and that's good! Better, even.

The MTB that got me hooked on road biking is a GT MTB with a front shock, some cheap little thing, but _fun_ to ride, that 6'4" BF had been riding. He got it second hand. The bike fits 5'2" me!!! But it took him through thousands of miles of road riding with skinny road tires on it. And me, too. So maybe a different wheelset for your MTB would work, as long as you could adjust the brakes back and forth to allow for the difference in tire widths.

Used rack, wheelset for the MTB, leave the hybrid on the trainer, and save save save for a road bike. Watch eBay like a hawk, and I bet you can find a really decent one for $1000. Don't sleep with the paramedic till you want to, but don't delay if you don't want to! Do what feels right. I second the crate idea- keep your pup out of harm's way. Can you _talk_ to your neighbor and ask her to let you know if the dog is bothering her? (My neighbor has very bark-y dogs, but I would never complain. They are outside all the time. She says she can't hear them, but I can! I think them barking is what scared away the person who tried to break into my house last fall. Now when they bark, instead of shushing them, I say "Good Dogs!!!") Watch your diet during the week, and eat enough calories to fuel yourself for your long ride on the weekend, but don't add in a ton of reward calories!! Counting calories works, I _swear_, if you don't cheat.

Nanci

[caligurl]

i didn't even realize WHICH picture that was til you mentioned it! yes.. that is quite an eyeful in the full version!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nanci]

It was like he was wearing red Saran Wrap. Doesn't he realize? Is he proud of it?? EEEEWWWW!!!!! I see enough accidental peni at work that I just don't want to look. (OTOH, Speedos don't bother me, probably because French exBF made me immune!! Plus, they are very triathlete-y.) :-)

Nanci

[Trekhawk]

It was like he was wearing red Saran Wrap. Doesn't he realize? Is he proud of it?? EEEEWWWW!!!!! I see enough accidental peni at work that I just don't want to look. (OTOH, Speedos don't bother me, probably because French exBF made me immune!! Plus, they are very triathlete-y.) :-)

Nanci

LOL - when I first saw those red shorts awhile back I warned all my male riding friends against buying red shorts.EEEWWW is right.
In Australia we call Speedos - D*ck stickers.

[Lise]

Dar--I second the emotion of what everyone else has written. And I know how hard it is. Last year I signed up to do a run at the end of April, a fundraiser for the Policemens' Memorial Fdn. BF at the time was a cop. I had dewy notions of us running together, or him greeting me at the finish line with flowers and kisses, or something....but not of us breaking up 2 weeks before the race! So I did the race with some friends, and had a splitting headache for two days after. I went on to have my most athletic summer ever. Sometimes I'd wake up sad, go for a run or bike hard, and the sadness was gone.

It seems to me that you might have started biking as a connection with the ex, but you've continued biking as a connection with your own spirit. Even if sometimes it feels like a way to stay connected to him, it's you doing the joyful work.

Hang in there. I've started dating someone I like, but am well aware it may all turn out differently than my fantasy. At the moment, it's fun, and a big relief to not be going on a string of frustrating first dates over and over! Hope things flow with the paramedic. You deserve a guy that's delighted with all of you, including your committment to training.

Nancy--the French! Sacre bleu! Or something like that What a creep-a-zoid. Current BF sounds like someone who actually deserves to be in the presence of your wonderfulness.

And finally, on the red spandex, I am stunned to think that guys would want to look like that. Can't imagine that they "don't know". yuch.

L.

[VenusdeVelo]

Darby,
You can just tell by your post that you are passionate about riding, and you ride for you. My HB introduced me to riding but instead of riding a certain way or certain speed so he is "happy" or I keep up all the time, I have also learned to ride just for me. I needed to make cycling my own, decide on my goals, which I did and loved it even more then AND I got better at it. I think that's where you are. And you seem like a heck of a good rider, keep riding.

Re: the training while travelling, I travel for my work as well, sometime frequently at a clip. My other problem is I can have a long day as well as a time change (usu it's US-Europe or vice-versa) so despite my best intentions, getting to the hotel gym never seems to happen. Not sure if you travel with a laptop with a DVD player, but I found that's the best training I can do when travelling (unless you run perhaps, as that's easy to pack for also). I do strength DVDs specific to cycling -- for ex, Graeme Street has some outstanding core strength DVDs for cyclists that I love. And they also have power yoga routines on there as well. Check out cyclo-core.com. Or if you have a fave power yoga DVD, bring that. Yes, you'll miss out on the cardio, but unless you can commit to running or using the hotel gym, this is a great alternative. Add some lunges and squats to your hotel routine for a little spike at least in cardio and get the heart rate up. But Street's cyclo-core program does have a killer floor workout for cyclists that will get the heart pumping!! I have both Cyclo-Core and Cyclo-Zen. Even if you don't have a laptop with you travelling, you can piece together good routines and make your own to follow.

Re: what to do about the bikes. Tough question. Do you LOVE LOVE LOVE your mtb bike? Even on the road? I found I can love my MTB on the trails but I hate riding it on the road, mostly because I know what the road bike feels like there. So, IMHO, my vote would be to see if you can find a decent road bike, even used. Esp if you might race with it, you'll find it's probably a better investment than another set of rims for the MTB. Leave the hybrid on the trainer then...or honestly, with most trainers, popping the bike on and off is a breeze. So putting your road bike on there during the WI winter when you are most likely to train there shouldn't be a problem.

Good luck, with everything...the bikes, the training, the men etc!!!

[mtbdarby]

Sorry it took me so long to get back here and thank you ladies. I have reread your replies many times and the support just brings tears to my eyes.

I am currently shopping for a used roof rack. I've tried the trunk racks and my frame is so small it doesn't fit properly. Plus, WHEN I do my first enduro race, I will have everything packed in my trunk and I don't want to have to keep taking the rack off and on. And the first truck rack really scratched my car up.....

I am also still looking for a road bike. Doc, I sent you pm on your bike. I love my mtb but not on the road, and I am too lazy to keep changing out wheelsets and/or tires. Besides, I feel I deserve a third bike for some reason I have no intention of racing of the road but I would love to do a century this summer and possible tour so that has it's appeal to me.

As for the paramedic - I think I have him hook, line and sinker already He treats me like a queen and it floors me. Floors me even more we women aren't used to that! He wants me to meet his kids this weekend but I'm gonna hold off on him meeting my son because that's just my comfort level. And man, is he a good kisser! We've already had the sex talk and agreed to wait. Unfortunately, our bodies don't listen very well and we almost did a bad thing last night That man keeps me up too late at night so I told him no calling or coming over tonight because I have to ride my bike tonight! lol. At least he understands that and told me he'd kick my butt if I slacked off on my training. Good man, good man indeed.

Nanci, sorry you went through all you did, but you're such an amazing woman - as you all are. I am in such awe of your accomplishements both running and biking that it just me that more determined to see what my body can do. And I finally remembered the name of the off road tris - Xterra. Maybe in August I'll have to try the one in Milwaukee...

For those who believe in God or a higher power. I had a dream the other night that I had a talk with my ex. Can't remember what was said or much about the dream, but I woke up with closure and that chapter of my life behind me. He works in mysterious ways so I took that as a sign to enjoy my time with my medic and let my heart do what feels natural.

I've been giving him grief that I have to give him a nickname. He's hispanic so Latin Lover came up but of course, he's been called that in the past. So I called him brown sugar yesterday and he thought I called him braunswager (like the liver sausage) and we both busted up laughing so hard! So now he's my braunswager and we laugh every time we hear it. How cute is that?!

OK, I'm a freak. I am absolutely fascinated by the male genitalia and I love red! lololololololololol. Unfortunately, I never see anyone wearing it so it's just kind of like a fantasy for me. Maybe I need a job like Nanci so I can see it accidentally at work. Talk about fringe benes....

Thanks again - you ladies rock!

[Nanci]

It doesn't even have to be accidental- they all seem to love to show their willies off.

Nanci