Need wedding advice

[Dogmama]

You know, I don't know if I agree with the statement, "kids always come first." While both DH and I would have done anything for our kids, our relationship always came first. Of course, I am not divorced. There are situations in divorced/blended families that are different, but holding a grudge against a parent for remarrying over decades, seems harsh.

That could be why you're still married.

NY Biker, I absolutely do not expect to have ANY say in how the wedding is planned, if we give $2.00 or $2,000. I firmly believe it is a day reserved for the couple. The beauty of that is - if things turn sour, it isn't our fault! I had an older woman try to micromanage my wedding - she was a close friend but had definite ideas on how things should go. For example, she thought I should have a Jackie Kennedy pillbox hat. Wouldn't that be stunning with biker tan lines?

Indy, yes we've both talked to her about therapy and how we perceive her attitude. She refuses therapy and doesn't see her part in our situation at all. For example, her father had to go out of town to a funeral for a fellow Vietnam vet. The daughter said to me, "Oh great. Now I guess he'll be spending all of his time at funerals for his old fart friends." Trying to explain a connection between veterans would have been useless so I let the remark hang in the air.

There is no animosity between her & myself that I'm aware of. I'm very careful to not offer opinions, etc. I'm glad she has the relationship with her mother, although she hates her stepfather.

GLC, I know the majority of young adults are not blood suckers. Many of my friends have adult children who are responsibly conducting their own life, thank goodness!

LPH summed it up perfectly - can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.

[indysteel]

That could be why you're still married.

NY Biker, I absolutely do not expect to have ANY say in how the wedding is planned, if we give $2.00 or $2,000. I firmly believe it is a day reserved for the couple. The beauty of that is - if things turn sour, it isn't our fault! I had an older woman try to micromanage my wedding - she was a close friend but had definite ideas on how things should go. For example, she thought I should have a Jackie Kennedy pillbox hat. Wouldn't that be stunning with biker tan lines?

Indy, yes we've both talked to her about therapy and how we perceive her attitude. She refuses therapy and doesn't see her part in our situation at all. For example, her father had to go out of town to a funeral for a fellow Vietnam vet. The daughter said to me, "Oh great. Now I guess he'll be spending all of his time at funerals for his old fart friends." Trying to explain a connection between veterans would have been useless so I let the remark hang in the air.

There is no animosity between her & myself that I'm aware of. I'm very careful to not offer opinions, etc. I'm glad she has the relationship with her mother, although she hates her stepfather.

GLC, I know the majority of young adults are not blood suckers. Many of my friends have adult children who are responsibly conducting their own life, thank goodness!

LPH summed it up perfectly - can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.

Oh, that's sad, Dogmama. I'm glad you've at least tried to approach her about these issues, but she just sounds like she just won't/can't get it. Perhaps marriage will wisen her up--but I wouldn't count on it (as I'm sure you're not).

[Trek420]

For example, her father had to go out of town to a funeral for a fellow Vietnam vet. The daughter said to me, "Oh great. Now I guess he'll be spending all of his time at funerals for his old fart friends." Trying to explain a connection between veterans would have been useless....

Such empathy. Did you say she's a nurse? I'm just sayin' I hope I stay out of her hospital.

My understanding is whether by quietly by a JOP or a huge, Kardashian inspired production or something in between you are just as married.

I vote that you have many happy rides on the Madone, take care of the dogeeeee and yourselves. Enjoy.