Oh yeah, I had my first peri symptoms in my late thirties, started skipping periods occasionally at 43 and then had 5 years of hell, two years, going 11 months with no period and then one! They finally stopped at 48.
Are you having heavy periods, or any irregularities there?
Sometimes doctors are quick to say an issue is menopause related, so make sure everything else is ruled out.
As far as anxiety goes, all of your symptoms *could* be from anxiety, or it could be a bit of both. Oak, I've worked with 5 psychopharms (MDs and psych. nurse practitioners) and none of them would prescribe Buspirone. In fact, most are reluctant to prescribe any anti-anxiety drug. But, I do agree, if you are careful and follow instructions, and wean yourself off correctly, things like Xanax and Attivan can be useful in a crisis. And yes, some SSRIs and SSNRIs do make people more anxious. It's a guessing game. But right now, a lot of docs are prescribing them for anxiety because they work on the chemicals in our brain that can cause anxiety, as well as depression.
Brandi, I wouldn't rule out a short course of any meds. Attivan helped me over a 3-4 month period and I was scrupulous about using it correctly. I agree with Oak in that I would see psychiatrist to prescribe any of these types of meds, if it is decided that's what is causing the symptoms. Psychiatrists are generally just prescribers of meds now and do little or no counseling. But, they will refer you to someone for that. Usually, though it's the other way around.
I don't mean to pry, but growing up with an alcoholic parent can "help" all kinds of things to surface later in life. So, make sure you attend to both your physical and mental health and don't let anyone push you into believing it's one or the other, when it could be a whole bunch of things.