Thread Drift

[indysteel]

Wow; I just had a conversation with the administrative assistant in my office about why I left my previous job. As I was explaining it, my blood started to boil again about all of the various reasons that job positively s*cked and how depressed I got in the process. But it's been over 11 years since I left the job. I feel resigned on some level to never being able to get over all of it, but I don't like feeling that way. I'm not asking for suggestions; I just felt like sharing. I know it's something I need to work on with my therapist.

[Blueberry]

Indy- You aren't the only one. I think it's something about our profession. Hugs and best wishes!

[indysteel]

Indy- You aren't the only one. I think it's something about our profession. Hugs and best wishes!

That makes me feel better. At the time, I felt like such a failure for not having a thicker skin about all of it. When I retell it, it confirms that, no, it really was nuts and I was right to feel very wounded. I love my current job, and I feel like it all worked out of the best, but there's a lot of bitterness left in me.

[indysteel]

Ugh; I must be having one of those days.

So, as I've detailed elsewhere on here, DH and I moved to a small town about 25 miles south of where I used to live in downtown Indy. It's been a hard transition for me, in part, because I've found it darn near impossible to make any friends. It's hard for me to write this because I am normally such a social person, but I don't have a single friend there. Not one. And it's starting to really impact me. Okay....I'm crying now.....

Last week, I ran into a woman that I do know from town. She and I used to work together and were always friendly with one another if not exactly friends. She moved to this town a year before me and had complained of being lonely, too. She had three young children though and we've just never really hooked up.

When I ran into her, she mentioned that she's just signed up for Indy's mini marathon, which is held in May. I mentioned I was running, too, and suggested we run together sometime. She seemed open to that, so I sent her an email afterwards to see about firming something up. I made it clear that I was flexible and recognized that her schedule must be pretty busy with the kids, work, etc.

She finally responded with what basically amounts to thanks but no-thanks. It's just too hard to get away for a run. Now, I'm not really sure how she plans to train for the mini, but whatever. I'm trying really hard not to take it personally, but it just seems like I can't gain any traction in this town. Without kids and without a job in town, I can't seem to get a foot in the door. Anyway, I'm sad about this. Really sad.

[redrhodie]

(((Indy))) You have us.

[indysteel]

(((Indy))) You have us.

I know and, believe me, it gives me much comfort (she says with tears streaming down her face).

[indysteel]

Thanks for sharing that, Crankin. I really feel like a fish out of water here, politically and personally. This place is VERY conservative and there's not exactly a ton of professional women. And I so miss my friends in Indy. I'd see them more, but it's tough. For instance, if I were to meet up with my old running group, it would require a 70 or so mile roundtrip drive. That's nuts.

I can tell by how easily I cry over this topic that it's just not working. The bottom line is that we're going to have to move St some point if something doesn't give. My job situation is a bit up in the air in that my boss is retiring in a few years. Unfortunately, until it's clear where I might land, I'm afraid I'm stuck. Through therapy, I have learned ways to cope with stuff like this. I'm just going to have to get more creative. In fairness, it took a while to create a life in Indy, too.

[Crankin]

Indy, I know how you feel. I moved all of 9 miles; I didn't really expect to make new friends, as I didn't have to, as I still live in the same general area. Same doctors, stores, restaurants. Nothing in my life has changed except the location of my house. But... it would be nice to have a tiny bit more of a connection to my town. The people in every little town in MA have their own "thing." Since my kids did not go to high school here (in fact they went to the "opposition" school in the next town) and I continue to go to the synagogue I have been at for 20 years, I have no connections. After 6 years, I've given up. We are friends with the neighbors we share our driveway with, who are what we call "normal," and that's it. We tried going to the Newcomers Club and after one event, we ran out of there. I too, am very social, and it would be nice to always meet new people, but...
A few weeks after we moved here, we went hiking in a local conservation land trail. It's privately owned, by Harvard U., I think, and not a lot of people outside of this town know about it. So, we didn't see the sign that indicated where to park out on the street and we parked in the wrong spot. A woman came up to us and asked if we "were from out of town?" Like, a tourist, you know, those nasty people that contribute thousands toward our economy? This represents how most of the people are. I wanted to reply, yes, I'm a foreigner from 9 miles away, but I held my tongue. Heck, my kids are gone, I don't drive a Prius, and one of my kids (gasp) didn't finish college. And no one went to private school, as do 25% of the kids in this town. And don't ask me about the reaction people had to me when I stated at a community meeting that I could care less if they built affordable housing town homes down the street, as I would be living in one if I wasn't married.
Rant over.

[NbyNW]

(((Indysteel)))

Sounds a lot like what I went through these last couple years when we were up north. My job prospects were nil up there, and every time I met someone who I seemed to click with, it seemed that they were up and moving elsewhere.

I tried meeting people by taking classes, by volunteering ... you name it. I get what you mean by no traction (With the exception of an awesome knitting group I met towards the end). Some places are just like that, in spite of your best efforts to reach out.

It's their loss if they don't want to get to know you. Even if they don't realize it. I hope you can find a way to cope, I've been there and know how hard it can be.