new rider with training partner issues

[andiewest]

I have a problem. I am a relatively new rider. I have done some bike touring with my husband, but never any serious riding. In August 2 friends and I decided that we would do a century ride in July 2011. One of us had just finished a sprint triathlon, so she was in the best riding shape. I had not exercised for 6 months, was recovering from an illness and was in the worst shape of my life. The other partner had never seriously exercised. We said that we would spend September-January getting fit and then begin serious training. Two of us have been exercising, riding and doing spin classes 5 or 6 times per week. The other one has exercised once or twice per week. When we go out for our training rides two of us are way ahead and she is always lagging behind. She says that she has no more time to train. She insists that we set this goal together so we need to stick together. I feel that I need to work on my own health and fitness goals. She is feeling left out and left behind. Any suggestions for resolving this while still maintaining our friendship.

Andie

[marni]

If she insists that you all set this goal together, perhaps it is time to tactfdully point out to her that she is not keeping up her end of the bargain. Not having enough time might equate with lack of inclination and lack of energy due to lack of exercise. You might also point out to her gently that it is not the amount of time you train but the quality of training you do in the amount of time you have.

Ultimately though it is you can only be responsible for your health and fitness goals, just as she needs to be responsible for her own.

It's a hard narrow line to walk though, good luck with that.

[indysteel]

Did you discuss at the outset what your training would entail? Did you anticipate that the slower friend would not have the time to get overly serious about it? How often are you expected to ride together? If it's just once a week, can you treat that ride as a recovery ride? Is there anything positive you can do to help your friend get more on board?

I appreciate the importance of health and fitness goals, but I also understand the importance of friends. Rides come and go, but it's hard to find a good friend. If you can, figure out a way to not alienate your friend in the process of training for something you decided to do together.

I was fortunate that when I first got into cycling, a number of my friends exercised some patience as I got stronger. As time went by, I grew stronger than some of my friends. I remembered the kindness they had extended to me. Since then, I've struggled to train as much as I would have liked, so now the shoe's back on the other foot yet again. Fitness fortunes can change from year to year; I try to keep that in my mind when deciding how to train with friends.

[andiewest]

Thank you both for your input. I agree that friendship is as important or more important than fitness goals. I like the suggestion as treating our one ride together as a recovery ride. Part of the problem is that after recovering from a serious illness, I am now feeling strong and fit. When I get out on the bike I get such joy out of pushing my physical limits. I guess we all need to be more clear about our expectations.

[Cataboo]

Unfortunately, if she's already feeling left out and insisting that you all 3 have to do this together, it's going to be hard for you to separate your training from her without damaging your friendship, and you may end up having to do that. Do you really want to ride the entire century at her pace or at your own pace?


The recovery ride suggestion is a good one.

If your friend'll agree to it, about midway through the recovery ride with her, start having her practice drafting - that way you can pull her for a ways and challenge yourself for a bit. You and your other stronger friend can take turns pulling and just treat it as a way to prepare for the century - drafting each other for a short time to take a break.

Another thing you could do is just tell her that you will match her pace on the flats, but you really want to push yourself on hills... And just treat the hills as intervals where you ride as hard as you can to get to the top, and then just wait for her.

[indysteel]

Cataboo has some good suggestions. I've ridden with people where I left them on the hills (or was left myself) and then regrouped. Granted, I was riding with people whose egos were not easily wounded, so that helped.

That said, it is just one ride. There will be more centuries in your future from the sound of it. I would resist approaching your riding this year with this one ride as the end all be all. Sign up for another century this summer to do on your own or with your other "faster" friend.

[andiewest]

Hi,

Thanks for the further input. We are only riding once per week together. We had initially decided that this would be our long weekend ride. We are doing a metric century in 5 weeks, so we are trying to extend these weekend rides. I think I will suggest that we do a recovery ride together. This, however, will most likely be her one and only time that she gets out on the bike each week. That would solve our training issue, but leaves the matter of the actual century ride. It is so nice to have others' perspectives.

andie

[zoom-zoom]

Attempting to do a century ride on only one ride/week? I don't understand why she would undertake such a lofty goal on such minimal training. It won't be fun for her or her ride partners.

Yes, it's important to make sacrifices for friends, but that goes both ways. What sacrifices is she making to accommodate your needs? Riding just once/week and then expecting friends to plod along for 100 miles isn't really fair, either. Why doesn't she shoot for a half century or metric, instead? Even that will be painful, but not nearly as much so as a full century.

[marni]

based on my own century riding experience, it's more about the tits time than speed so for a metric century, make sure that your friend is capable of spending at least 5 hours in the saddle riding. You can work on this by pushing the "recovery ride" mileage longer and longer before you step down for more than a stop sign or stop light. For a metric century I try and time my first get off the bike /Rest stop for 28-30 miles or two hours whichever comes first.

Admitedly my advice is probably one sided since I am, have been and will probably always be a solitary rider except on cross country stuff, so how to deal with a biking friend other than my sweet SAG guy, is a bit beyond my ken. I will mention that we decide, from the beginning, whether we are riding for speed and distance. If it is for speed, he will drop off at the halfway point, and if it is for distance, he ususally breaks off between 40 and 50 miles.

Good luck however you decide to ride.

[tulip]

Yes, it's important to make sacrifices for friends, but that goes both ways. What sacrifices is she making to accommodate your needs?

My thoughts exactly.

Marni--Dare I ask what in the world is "tits time?"

[redrhodie]

My thoughts exactly.

Marni--Dare I ask what in the world is "tits time?"

Oh, I know this one. Sadly, it's just Time In The Saddle, and not something more risque.

[tulip]

Oh, I know this one. Sadly, it's just Time In The Saddle, and not something more risque.

Ah, don't know how, after nearly 30 years of cycling, I managed to miss that one.

[andiewest]

Thanks for explaining "tits" to me. I do agree that sacrifices go both ways in a friendship. If I felt that she was moving out of her comfort zone a little bit and committed to regular training I would be much more accepting of her slower pace. I believe that she agreed to do the ride out of fear of being left out rather than out of any interest in cycling. She admits to hating every moment that she is on the bike.

[tulip]

Maybe she could be your crew. That way she could be involved and have a role, but she wouldn't have to ride. Or maybe she should just drop the whole thing since she obviously isn't into it. There's no reason she should poop on your party.

[indysteel]

I feel kind of sorry for your friend. Maybe it's time to talk to her about it. Maybe she just needs some assurance from her that it's okay for her to back out and that you can try to find a joint goal that's more appealing to both of you. I don't know what the dynamic is between the three of you, but it is hard to feel left out in a threesome. I've been in those shoes before.