Dear So and So

[lph]

I'd have you over any day, Beth! You sound like an interesting and friendly person, definitely one of the ones that makes TE the place it is, that I wanted to thank yesterday

Virtual pie and cat company all round!

[Becky]

Dear family member-

In some ways, I'm glad that we had our discussion yesterday. It confirmed for me that you're a bitter control freak who's clinging to apparently minor transgressions that I committed years ago and who is unable to forgive or forget anything. You're a master manipulator and had me promising all sorts of changes on my part with absolutely no willingness to give or compromise on yours.

Also, for the first time in 10 years, I got to experience what it must have been like to grow up in that household. It sucked, but it's going to make me a better wife in the long run 'cuz I get it now. (DH, I'm sorry! And thank you for being my partner in all of this.)

I've never intentionally cut a family member out of my life, and I cringe every time I think of the collateral damage that's going to occur, but you may very well be the first. Congratulations on a dubious honor. (BTW, I welcome advice on how to do this.)

Sincerely,
Emotionally exhausted and shattered.

[bmccasland]

I'd have you over any day, Beth! You sound like an interesting and friendly person, definitely one of the ones that makes TE the place it is, that I wanted to thank yesterday

Virtual pie and cat company all round!

Don't tempt me!!! I have a passport that needs stamps in it. One of the things I've thought about was going on vacation for the holidays - hop a plane, go somewhere else. Now if I can just get someone to buy the ticket, pay the boarding for the kitties. *sigh* But I can dream.

Got out today, and did some shoping at local small shops. Got a pastry at the Danish Bakery, and had a meat pie from the Australian Pie shop.

Happy weekend to everyone!

[marni]

most of what is bad in my life and memories, ie loss of dear ones two footed and four footed, life time crisises, traumatic experiences and ill health have happenend between Thanksgiving and New Years. Here's hoping that this year doesn't follow the pattern.

We've had a good Thanksgiving and are going tomorrow to meet a new rescue dog to give our FIL 's dog Beau as a companion. Here's hoping.

[Crankin]

Becky,

I am one who has cut relatives out of my life, specifically my aunt (my mom's sister), which also means I no longer see my cousins or their kids. I was very close to my aunt growing up, as she was only 16 when I was born. She and her husband lived with us for a couple of years as newlyweds. She was always contentious and opinionated, as opposed to my mom who was tolerant and kind. My family moved away when I was a teen and she became bitter over the fact that she was left to care for my grandparents. My uncle died at the young age of 52 and she has never recovered; despite all kinds of offers of help, both social and psychological, she just became more bitter and lives totally through her kids. When I moved back to the area, we saw each other a lot for awhile, but it was always at her convenience. What was once just a little neurotic is now controlling. She tried to control my mom's death, which of course, she couldn't. My cousins (2 of the 3) became, well, one became a right wing political extremist and the other became an Orthodox Jew. My opinions never counted and my aunt is brainwashed by Fox News at this point... Despite the fact, I still tried to find something in common with them, they all decided to hold grudges against me and my husband for things (stupid things) that happened ten or fifteen years ago. I quit calling my aunt about a year and a half ago. They are racist and intolerant, so different than my own parents. I feel badly she has lost the chance to see my kids as fully independent adults, but I just couldn't take it anymore.

[Becky]

Crankin, thanks for sharing your story. It's helpful to hear from those who have been there. This part of your story really resonated with me, as it's similar to what DH and I are dealing with:

My opinions never counted <snip>... Despite the fact, I still tried to find something in common with them, they all decided to hold grudges against me and my husband for things (stupid things) that happened ten or fifteen years ago.

In our case, it's an immediate family member, and maybe that's what makes this so difficult... I'm trying very hard to remember that there's a lot of people who love, like, and respect me, and that the opinions of one person aren't necessarily correct or realistic. (But dang, that's tough to do sometimes....)

I'm really anxious about what Christmas is going to be like this year, as that's the point where I need to "fish or cut bait", so to speak, and decide if I'm ready to break all contact. *sighs*

[Crankin]

Do you mean it's a sibling or parent? My family is super small, so to me, my mom's sister was pretty close. I have one brother, many years younger than me, who lives across the country from me, near my dad. The fact that I live about 12 miles from my aunt and have never run into her (I ride by her street a few times a year) amazes me. But, her world is very small.
Sometimes it's hard not to be with family on holidays, for me, especially Jewish holidays. But, we have been sharing holidays with friends for many years, and they have become our family. Of course, my kids, I think would like to continue contact with my cousins, but haven't, knowing how it would upset me.

[Becky]

Yup, that's what I mean. (Sorry, I'm being a little paranoid about what I share in the public domain...)