You guys are the best. Thanks so much for the kind words, it really helps knowing someone knows what I'm talking about. I was on meds for a bit but turns out, I'm one of those 'lucky' few who experience suicidal thoughts as a side effect so I made the choice to pass. Oh irony, what a cruel b****.

I got to hang out with a friend's dog later, there's really nothing like doggy company to make things feel a bit less dire. I need to remind myself that I do races because I want something in my life depression cannot take away from me. If I can't fight this with anything else, might as well bank in on my notorious stubborn streak.