Bicycle dates

[JLD]

Oh! Don't feel too bad! I am on the other side of the fence-and I can't even get women to come out for a casual ride--and also-I am no fancy speed demon on a bike. I live in a city with a ton of bike paths and such--and lots of people here do pedal-but--clearly-I'm not connecting with the right ones.

[Grog]

It really depends on how important you think cycling is in your life. But it seems to me that that bike-date is in fact a "revelator": it reveals things about these guys that you wouldn't know otherwise. And you WANT to know these things... (the nipples-staring guy is a bit scary!)

Maybe some dating service in your area organizes activities for singles, including bike rides? These could be fun too. Or if you really want to meet a cyclist, maybe a bike club would be a good thing to join. From there maybe you can arrange with someone in particular to go for a ride at another moment, even just for fun.

Even if we don't consider ourselves to be incredible cyclists, we're still much more dedicated to the sport than the average person out there, and you're right that this can be intimidating. But if cycling is a really big part of your life, and if you feel it's closely linked to who you are, then your bike-date is probably a good technique to see right from the beginning how those guys will react to your passion in the long term...

[bluerider]

It really depends on how important you think cycling is in your life.

I agree with Grog too. I spend most of my free time on my bike so it would be nice to have someone who enjoys the sport as much as I do. A friend recommended I join a bike club if that's what I'm after. Most of the guys that have expressed "interest" in biking have turned out to be huge disappointments. One guy actually went bike shopping and showed me the bikes he was considering. After looking at his selection, he picked the top line MTBs (and he's never biked before). I was SO turned off.

Don't be discouraged doctorfrau! It's tough although I don't know why, the guy to gal ratio is like 9:1. As for creepy-nipple-guy, I would've maced him!!! Or a swift kick to the...okay, never mind...

[Trek420]

It's difficult to combine the two: date and bike ride but I plan an attempt today in Golden Gate Park, we'll see how this goes....hmmm.

It is hard to find friends to ride with: ride style, speed, fitness level, fun to talk to at the rest stop and or drink uhm recovery food afterward....I feel sooooo lucky to have this community and a local bike club.

Just try to find that plus uhm elusive chemistry.

What Grog sed~it can be an indicator. As we say in Aikido "you're the same on the mat as you are off the mat" so it is on a bike "you are the same on a bike as you are off the bike".

Add the ego thing if you ride/climb better than your date or they you...I dunno if it can be done.

so....looking for some input from the coupled TE'ers: if your SO rides which came first-the significant other or the bike?

Do mixed marriages (bikers with non bikers) work?

I think we've covered this before but not in a while and not in this way.

[colby]

Do mixed marriages (bikers with non bikers) work?

I think we've covered this before but not in a while and not in this way.

My husband isn't a hugely athletic guy, but I have tried to keep him involved in my activities so he doesn't feel left out. I had him try snowboarding with me, which worked for a while, but it just wasn't his thing. He stayed supportive, though, and became my "ski caddy" He's done the same thing with running. Not a big runner, but comes to events that I do and gives me support. I can't see him doing a triathlon, but he's there with me at least.

Bikes are something we can do together; even if he doesn't have the same amount of endurance right now he is willing to go for a ride with me on weekends, and I compromise about distances and where we go depending on conditions. A lot of times I'll let him stop for a rest and go pedal another extra few miles hard, loop back around and enjoy our time together on the return trip.

He enjoys things that I don't invest my time in, like video games and some other non-athletic stuff, but I make a point to "be there" for his adventures just like he is there for mine, listening to him talk and being an active member of discussions with him so we can always find common ground. Sometimes our different priorities might be a point of contention, but I try to focus on not sweating the small stuff and compromising. If it's not worth arguing about, don't.

I also have found having other people around that I can do things with helps take a little bit of the pressure off of him to not feel like he has to do everything with me, and makes me not bug him so much to go do things with me all the time It also helps when we both schedule something at the same time, so we don't feel left out of each others' activities. Honestly, if we weren't smart about how we did it, I would be really lonely. I really like to do things *with* someone, so it's hard for me to enjoy something by myself all the time.

I've never heard of a bike date. When I was dating (college) it might not have been something I considered, but if I was in that position now I think it'd be fun. My dad would probably kick me if I suggested he try it, but then we're not in a hugely densely populated area so it might be harder to find. I also like the bike club suggestion -- just like any other club or group, you can enjoy other peoples' company and use that as an opportunity to do the first round of voting potential candidates off the podium

[pkq]

I have long since given up on dating. I do not find that many men attractive to begin with. If they are ugly on the inside, I can't see the outside at all.

Have you tried a coffee shop meeting, walk around a park, or a walk around a mall?

A fella' from bikejournal found a girlfriend through cyclingsingles. He is very happy with her although she is not a cycling fanatic, like he is. She is interested in cycling and was involved in other sports prior to cycling. Her ultimate goal is becoming a tri-gal.

I was introduced to a fella' through a friend because he thought we'd be a good match. On paper, we should be but he has too many phobias, including a fairly wide range of conversational topics. We have similar Biblical beliefs but there are some very significant differences and he is inflexible on those points. He is retired already, which is fantastic for him; however, the annoying comments he makes about his position in life are less than fantastic. He says he will call then doesn't, which is very telling even in friendship. I would say we are still in the acquaintance stage so I don't see this going further than distant friends.

And the other stories I could tell of other men ................

I wish you all the luck on finding a mate to share life with. Keep us updated on your experiences.

[Irulan]

married chiming in here. We've always done sports together.

I do see partnerships where one does, the other doesn't and there's more work involved in maintaining the relationship.... less time together, sometimes different fitness levels etc.

I agree that the bike dating is a good first filter.You are going to have to weed out the jerks and the dorks no matter what you do. Does your local cycle club do singles rides? I have heard of that, that to me sounds like fun.

Irulan.

[Trekhawk]

Another married one here. My husband and I have always done some sort of sport together from rock climbing (when younger) to hiking and swimming. Some sports though we have enjoyed on our own. My husband likes diving (scuba) but Im afraid it just not my cup of tea so he accepts that. When we first met I rowed in a womens four and he would come and watch us train and race. He always seemed very proud of me and it was never an issue even though it was something he himself was not interested in taking up.

My husband has been cycling for about 5 years and I took it up originally this year because I thought it would be something we could do together. Well it hasn't really worked out that way we have three little boys so riding together has not happened yet but what has happened is I have fallen in love with cycling. We still talk our rides over together and set goals together but I have realized now that I would ride even if my husband didnt and he would be supportive Im sure as he has been with all my other endeavours.

I guess what Im trying to say is that a partner does not need to always have a passion for the same things you do but they must be supportive and proud of you for what you have achieved. Plus a sense of humour in a man never hurts - being able to make you laugh at life and yourself is a big help in todays world.

[wavedancer]

I met my SO in a club, doing what we both love to do (kayaking). It was a great way to share something that we both are quite passionate about and enjoy our passion for each other, too He was also into cycling and encouraged me to get a bike and so added another passion to our lives. My love of cycling has continued to grow...as has our love. We are very different in many ways and having some strongly opposing political views, but being able to share the things that we love doing has made for a wonderfully rich life together.

I never tried the on-line dating or personals, so I can't speak to that, but perhaps the cycling club would allow you to meet some guys/potential dates who have a similar level of committment to the sport. You may not always ride together, but it certainly is fun to share the interest and excitement together.

Good luck in finding that special someone!

[cindysue]

I guess what Im trying to say is that a partner does not need to always have a passion for the same things you do but they must be supportive and proud of you for what you have achieved. Plus a sense of humour in a man never hurts - being able to make you laugh at life and yourself is a big help in todays world.

YES YES YES! ALL so very important! Thanks TrekHawk!

doctorfrau,

ONLINE Dating: Don't give up - I've met plenty of great guys online where one of the major criteria was biking. Maybe spend a little more time chatting online before meeting - you might be able to weed out the pretenses.......


I met my SO online. I was definitely drawn to the fact that he is so active. While we both like cycling, he's more into MTB, me road, but he will come out with me so we spend that time together - and i will go out with him on some of the stuff he loves to do (haven't yet tried MTB but must).

So the thing that makes him so special is not all that we have in common - although it sure is GREAT! - It's that he genuinely cares about, and supports, my interests and life goals. He also has a great sense of humor - which is huge in my life - because I am constantly stressed between school, two jobs, organzing a cycling team, yadda yadda yadda...... He's also the first guy to get me to open up - and we are so much closer for it.

gush gush

[KSH]

I guess what Im trying to say is that a partner does not need to always have a passion for the same things you do but they must be supportive and proud of you for what you have achieved. Plus a sense of humour in a man never hurts - being able to make you laugh at life and yourself is a big help in todays world.

That's the truth. I know I am very fickle about hobbies and if I only dated someone who would do what I do... such as triathlons... SCUBA diving... etc... etc... I would have had a new man every year!

As far as cycling for the first date. It's a great idea if you really want someone who is into cycling... and fit. If those are not that important to you... then it could be rather bad.

Some guys are very competitive... well... most of them... and riding with you... and if you are better... makes the first date kind of uncomfortable... ya know?

Oh well... best of luck!