I do think a lot of this probably does come from insecurity. It's hard to get him to talk about it without it becoming a huge blown up fight. It is SO frustrating. I wanted to ride so I can feel better and be healthier.. I was quite frankly sick of being a lazy slob and doing nothing about it (my options are limited, with my knees - and cycling is one of very few things that doesn't kill me) and feeling like my kids were constantly wearing me out and I couldn't keep up with them at the park. I've noticed an immediate improvement in that area since I started riding, and it hasn't been very long... I can imagine that only gets better. I am by no means a speed demon though.. I have zero aspirations for racing or really getting faster, I just want to enjoy it and get/stay fit. I do want to be able to ride further, because that will expand where I'm able to go on my bike, but that's really my only goal, and I know it will come with time.
I do bike mostly by myself, sometimes with our 8yo... after DH gets home in the evenings, but I have by NO means excluded him - he just refuses to ride on the road with the kids, and doesn't think I should either. I don't think he likes riding on the road in general though - a few years ago he saw a cyclist that got hit, and didn't make it, and that image has stuck with him (even though the circumstances for that one were obviously unsafe - cyclist was out in the early morning, when it was still dark, no reflective clothing or lights, and not wearing a helmet, etc). I won't be able to keep riding in the evenings forever though, right now it's very dependent on the fact that it's still light out fairly late in the evenings.. I know that changes in the fall. I will be biking more with the kids when that happens (either at the park, or *gasp* actually on the road), and probably during the day while he's at work. Maybe that will make things better.. maybe it will make things worse, I don't know.
I found a bike club that rides "locally" for me (literally, many routes pass right by my house) and when I mentioned maybe joining some of those rides, he reacted VERY negatively to that. It's frustrating, and I don't understand it... I'd honestly love if he wanted to do something like that with me, but instead I'm left feeling like it's not even okay if I go on my own. The timing of most of the rides doesn't work well with me (early morning - I'm not a morning person, and the evening rides all start before he's usually home from work) so that's stopping me from going more than he is, but I still shouldn't feel like it's not okay.
I don't know.. I want to get a bike rack for my car and a better trailer to haul the kids in, which are things I plan on doing on my own regardless of what he does... maybe if I start taking the kids to the park to bike regularly and getting everything unloaded and set up becomes less of a chore it might make it easier to get everyone out.




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