I really think it's all about the saddle. And each woman has a different anatomy and a saddle that works good for you might be awful for someone else. Unfortunately, you may need to try a few different saddles before you find "the one"... the one that just feels great and doesn't hurt you anywhere, anytime no matter how long you ride. Also, you need to make sure your shorts don't have seams or bumps anywhere. A tiny little seam hitting the wrong place for too long can give you a nasty hotspot.

For me the Selle San Marco Glamour saddle did the trick. Unbelievably it has zero padding and no cutout. But it's narrow and allows me to really sit on my sit bones without crushing any soft tissue. I also where shorts with a minimal chamois. For me, less padding is better. By the way, I'm 56 and all hopes of estrogen, etc. are long gone.