broken heart how long?

[Melalvai]

I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said, but wanted to contribute my support. I too feel better after sharing such things on here, and lots better after reading all the supportive comments validating that things really are kind of sucky. We're not antisocial, we're differently social!

To make you laugh, um, PhD Comics? It takes about 6 hours to read the archives from 1997 to current. I don't know what your career track is but if you're a university scientist you will relate. (And possibly you are one of many who have told me recently to go read them. Which I do religiously.)

[activediva]

God knows I'm the last one to follow good logical advice; I had a one night stand and then married him. 11 years later....bliss *cough* well very close to bliss.

Sounds to me like you are settling for a spark. Why not wait and dive in when you have a fire? I wouldn't make drastic changes if it meant redefining myself to fit someone else's mold. But that's just me.

Time usually heals everything and you will probably find peace and love on a different level with your ex. I think that's natural, after all, you were married. Someone special will come into your life and it will feel right, you won't have to question. And you animals will love it too!

[makbike]

Ginny,

Take care of you and your buddies. It takes time for your heart and soul to heal. Lord knows I'm still walking the road to recovery. I can honestly say with each passing day it does get better. That said, it does not mean I still don't want to walk up to my exBF and sucker punch him, lol. But the urge to do so has diminished greatly. Chrisette Michelle has a song out "The Best of Me" which talks about healing after a breakup - listen to her message. The bottom line is you have to find the best in you. If the "boy in the next town" is really your next partner he will patiently wait for you to heal and feel comfortable with the situation. Don't allow yourself to be pushed into anything. Healing is a slow possess. A good counselor, a solid group of friends and your animals will help make this journey a bit easier. Take care!

[KSH]

Gosh, what a tough situation.

Sorry to hear about the divorce. Sounds like it was rough, considering you didn't seem to have any control over it at all... ya know? Really sounds like a blind side.

Well, before I give my advice... I'll let you know where I'm coming from. So you can take my advice with a grain of salt if I'm coming from a place you don't agree with.

I too was married, for 5 years. I met my ex and within a month we were engaged. I was in love and so was he. A year later we got married. My thought was "anything for love". I quit a job that required traveling and got a new job so I could be with him (that was 3 months after he and I met). I will say that the new job was better.

Well, the marriage was a lesson in tolerance. His behavior towards me deteriorated over the years, to the point where he really didn't care how he treated me towards the end.

Honestly, who he told me he was... in those first few months... didn't match who he was in reality. He said he was motivated and had goals... yea, he barely kept a job. He said he was honest and trusthworthy and would never cheat... yep he was cheating. He acted like he was confident, when in fact it was false ego... he was jealous, possessive and down right nuts at times. I could go on, but you get my point. He wasn't really who he thought he was. In fact, the total opposite.

He asked for a divorce, I asked him if he was sure... and he was... so I told him to get out. It was the happiest day of my life.

Now days, it's my belief that love doesn't come quickly. Or rather, you don't really KNOW a person until you have seen how they behave day in and day out. They can present a pretty package to you, but that package isn't the reality. It's just who they think they are.

Only with time can you see that person for who they truly are.

With all of that said... are you willing to give up your life... a good life for a man you have only known 5 months? You said you wouldn't move it weren't for him. That tells me, it's not a good choice to make.

Sure, relationships are great... I myself have a wonderful boyfriend (of 4 years and we don't live together)... but I also understand that I am OK alone. I don't NEED a man in my life. If he were gone, I would be fine. I didn't use to think that way when I was younger, before marriage. I felt like I was missing out if I wasn't totally in love. I wanted to be married. I wanted that ring on my finger to show everyone I was taken. It was like I wasn't someone unless I had someone.

Not anymore. I'm someone if I'm with a man or not. I don't care if people look at me odd for being 35 and not married. I can almost bet they are in a miserable marriage and probably wish they had a really happy life, like me.

Look, I won't even move in with my boyfriend because I don't want my life in someone else's control again. I don't want to be sitting in an apartment I have to share with someone I broke up with or who broke up with me. I don't want to sell my stuff. I don't want to give up my life for a man. I love my life more than that. I like being happy and everything being stable.

So yea, that's where I'm coming from. You may not agree with my view on love and life... thus I laid it out there when giving my advice.

I think love can wait. Why rush? Why not date a good year or so before moving in together? 5 months is nothing. I don't think you can really know someone in 5 months. You have a good life, the divorce wasn't that long ago. Why not enjoy living by yourself? Why not enjoy dating someone? Dating is fun! I have learned that a man treats you really good when they are dating you and they know you can leave them easily if they treat you badly!

[mimitabby]

wow, KSH you got pretty wise. I'm not being sarcastic either. some of us go through an entire life without getting to where you are.

Gosh, what a tough situation.

Sorry to hear about the divorce. Sounds like it was rough, considering you didn't seem to have any control over it at all... ya know? Really sounds like a blind side.

Well, before I give my advice... I'll let you know where I'm coming from. So you can take my advice with a grain of salt if I'm coming from a place you don't agree with.

I too was married, for 5 years. I met my ex and within a month we were engaged. I was in love and so was he. A year later we got married. My thought was "anything for love". I quit a job that required traveling and got a new job so I could be with him (that was 3 months after he and I met). I will say that the new job was better.

Well, the marriage was a lesson in tolerance. His behavior towards me deteriorated over the years, to the point where he really didn't care how he treated me towards the end.

Honestly, who he told me he was... in those first few months... didn't match who he was in reality. He said he was motivated and had goals... yea, he barely kept a job. He said he was honest and trusthworthy and would never cheat... yep he was cheating. He acted like he was confident, when in fact it was false ego... he was jealous, possessive and down right nuts at times. I could go on, but you get my point. He wasn't really who he thought he was. In fact, the total opposite.

He asked for a divorce, I asked him if he was sure... and he was... so I told him to get out. It was the happiest day of my life.

Now days, it's my belief that love doesn't come quickly. Or rather, you don't really KNOW a person until you have seen how they behave day in and day out. They can present a pretty package to you, but that package isn't the reality. It's just who they think they are.

Only with time can you see that person for who they truly are.

With all of that said... are you willing to give up your life... a good life for a man you have only known 5 months? You said you wouldn't move it weren't for him. That tells me, it's not a good choice to make.

Sure, relationships are great... I myself have a wonderful boyfriend (of 4 years and we don't live together)... but I also understand that I am OK alone. I don't NEED a man in my life. If he were gone, I would be fine. I didn't use to think that way when I was younger, before marriage. I felt like I was missing out if I wasn't totally in love. I wanted to be married. I wanted that ring on my finger to show everyone I was taken. It was like I wasn't someone unless I had someone.

Not anymore. I'm someone if I'm with a man or not. I don't care if people look at me odd for being 35 and not married. I can almost bet they are in a miserable marriage and probably wish they had a really happy life, like me.

Look, I won't even move in with my boyfriend because I don't want my life in someone else's control again. I don't want to be sitting in an apartment I have to share with someone I broke up with or who broke up with me. I don't want to sell my stuff. I don't want to give up my life for a man. I love my life more than that. I like being happy and everything being stable.

So yea, that's where I'm coming from. You may not agree with my view on love and life... thus I laid it out there when giving my advice.

I think love can wait. Why rush? Why not date a good year or so before moving in together? 5 months is nothing. I don't think you can really know someone in 5 months. You have a good life, the divorce wasn't that long ago. Why not enjoy living by yourself? Why not enjoy dating someone? Dating is fun! I have learned that a man treats you really good when they are dating you and they know you can leave them easily if they treat you badly!

[KSH]

wow, KSH you got pretty wise. I'm not being sarcastic either. some of us go through an entire life without getting to where you are.

Well, thanks! You call it wise... others call it bitter.

Either way, my life is great and that's all that matters.

[mimitabby]

I'd call it bitter if you wouldn't have a boyfriend.


and too many women really believe they can't live without a partner. it takes
strength to find out that you really can.