I've had very similar issues riding with my guy. We're at very different levels of both fitness and technical ability. And basically I've solved them as rocknrollgirl suggests.

I try to explain to him very clearly, and without getting emotional, exactly what I need from him. Obviously, it's better done ahead of time than in the moment. My rules: Don't get so far off ahead that I think you've forgotten about me. I'm likely to decide that we're on different rides, and go where I please instead of following you. (But I'm a little feisty that way). And don't go so far in the other direction that you're smothering me. I don't need my hand held, I just want to be sharing the experience with you.

Encourage him to go out on rides with friends who I know will challenge him more than I can. The more challenging the better. And then we go riding the next day. That has a way of leveling the playing field a little

And it's been fantastic finding a few compatible riding partners for me. I've really loved having the opportunity to go out riding with a couple of local women, and sometimes we'll all go out as a larger group with GR (hubby) and a couple of other local guys.

Yesterday we went out on what GR was calling a "suffer-fest". I was the only one obviously suffering though. Sixteen miles, three thousand feet of climbing, took us four hours total time with a few breaks.

I was devastated that my girlfriend couldn't make it, but one of the local guys that sometimes rides with us came along. He's somewhere between the two of us in both fitness and technical ability. I was so relieved that the two guys had each other to compete with. Seriously, the last thing I needed while I was gasping for breath was GR hovering about and chatting me up all the way to the top of the mountain. The man's a machine, and apparently doesn't need to pause to breathe.

We had one 'stop helping me, I need to do this on my own' moment. And a couple hours later we had a 'thank you, yes, you can haul my bike up this hike-a-bike section ... oh my god my legs feel like lead' moment. Many times he was off ahead with the other guy, and then we'd all catch up and chat a little.

We weren't all together all the time, but we were all sharing the same experience. There was kind of an ebb and flow to the ride. I'm still hurting, but it was a lot of fun!