'sigh' Sex talk - need advice

**cherinyc** · 08-30-2006, 01:10 PM

Thanks for the replies. I have received a few pm's, and combined with these postings, I am greatful for the support. I want to respond specifically to various things that were written, but, having had my share of emotional expulsion for the day.....I think I will ponder a bit - and reply when I can adequately communicate my feelings. Emotions are exhausting.
you ladies are the best!!

**makbike** · 08-30-2006, 01:43 PM

Cheri:

Is your thyroid okay? If you have not had it checked recently it might be worth donating some blood for low thyroid levels can cause one's libido to go south quickly.

I hope you can resolve this issue soon. Take care of yourself.

**cherinyc** · 08-30-2006, 02:00 PM

Originally Posted by makbike

Is your thyroid okay? If you have not had it checked recently it might be worth donating some blood for low thyroid levels can cause one's libido to go south quickly.

I donated blood end of April. Not too long ago. I didn't hear of any problems, just got a card in the mail telling me my blood type was A-.
Would they've told me if there was something wrong with my blood?

**makbike** · 08-30-2006, 02:25 PM

Cheri:

The American Red Cross, I believe, simply checks your red blood cell count along with checking for blood borne pathogens. You need to ask your gyno or family doc about pulling blood for specific tests.

I suffer from hypothyroidism and I can tell you until it was diagnosed and treated I had zero sex drive. Once my doctor found the correct dose of thyroid medication for me things returned to normal.

Good luck and keep us posted.

**bcipam** · 08-30-2006, 02:30 PM

I'm assuming you have disclosed all your concerns and symptoms to your family doctor. It would be up to your doctor to order the labs for blood work. Very specific tests need to be run to find problems. I know alot of folks give blood thinking the Red Cross or Donor Center is also going to do a full physical to find problems. They don't. I just gave bllod last week for one set of issues and ham ordered back again this week for something else. Geez, why couldn't they find it all in the first batch! My poor arm is starting to get "needle tracks"!

If you truly feel you are having a physical problem over anything else, then get to your doctor ASAP and let him know. Take a lesson from someone who is now paying the price for not getting to the doctor when she should have... see the doctor and rule out a physical problem.

Then if they find nothing... work on reconnecting...

**kerrybelle** · 08-30-2006, 02:31 PM

Wish I had a solution for you, but I don't. I'm pretty much in the same boat. Only difference is I'll be married 16 years come December. I agree with Colleen it feels more like a chore most of the time. Dh has a very high sex drivem which is no help to me. I do believe a lot of it can be mental though. Hope you can get back in the groove....

Kerry

**Bluetree** · 08-30-2006, 02:50 PM

Yes Cheri,
you were right to come here. I think what everyone agrees is that its OK to talk about these things and enlist help in overcoming problems. And its vital to talk to your CBF and your PCP and OB-GYN.

I think you'll be very surprised at how understanding your CBF can be... men have a need to FIX things and he may feel useless/helpless if you don't present him with things to, well, fix. Once you make him aware of the problem I'm sure he'll be gung ho and extra supportive... esp. because he knows what the rewards are!

Your PCP and Ob-gyn are also essential places to go. Believe me, having lived with physicians for years, there isn't much they haven't seen or heard.
If it's physical, they probably have the solution.

Most of all, don't beat yourself up over this. As women, we often make things more emotional and complicated than they really are. Let people help you... not only for your own sake, but for theirs. People who care about you want to help... the most unselfish thing you can do is to let them.

Take care.

**BleeckerSt_Girl** · 08-30-2006, 03:46 PM

I know this may sound strange, but try watching a really sexy movie together in bed with some ice cream or other fun treat, like a little movie house for the intimately inclined. It can be a funny movie, or serious, or raunchy- but just be sure it's got some hot stuff going on in it one way or another. This can definitely inspire the mood for both of you, and it makes it like a fun "date" too.

**mimitabby** · 08-30-2006, 04:48 PM

the best form of birth control for leaving your sex drive alone is a vasectomy.
I suffered from not much sex drive too while i was on the pill.
A marriage with a vasectomy right after 2 kids are born is what i've had, and it's the best
way to go!
I was never super hot, so add that little bit of hormones
and what i had would have just gone away.

and now, as an old lady,... well, let's just say it's along the same lines
as making a nice dinner or giving / getting a good massage. something you do for happiness, pleasure and togetherness. hey, or riding a bike!

**CycleChic06** · 08-30-2006, 06:13 PM

Cheri
I just had this same conversation with my friend. She had a similar problem, completely lost her libido, but for her it turned out that as soon as she switched her pill she was totally fine. All our body chemistrys are different and we all react differently to hormones. What could be fine for one person could totally screw with someone else. I would totally ask your doctor again if she can switch your pill.

Emily

**esther231** · 08-30-2006, 07:43 PM

Cheri, I agree with everyone that it could be phyiscal and it doesn't hurt to start there.

I've been married 30 years. So, it's been awhile since I haven't made love regularly. But I remember that the times in my life when I wasn't making love regularly, I lost my sex drive. When I do make love regularly, I find it again. I have no clue why it's like that but it is like that for me.

We've had date nights for decades. It just helped to take a night where we both set everything aside to be together and do something we enjoy. Sometimes we got into taking turns - it's your turn - what do you want most to do this week and the next week it was the other person's turn to figure out if it was gonna be a dinner or a night with friends or a walk or whatever. Sometimes we would decide together. It doesn't matter. What matters is that, for us, it was a way of saying you're important to me, I value this. I think that helped us to stay connected sexually.

Since both of you know it's been awhile - talk about it with him. Even in passing - it doesn't have to be a heavy conversation - better even if you can laugh about it - would acknowledge the elephant in the living room so you can start moving it out the door.

**bcipam** · 08-31-2006, 08:14 AM

Cher...

Put things in prespective... you could be 55, beauty and youth long past, living alone with no prospects of romance except for a cat who loves you but maybe its because you are a food giver, day in and day out, no one to share your day and life with, except again the cat, having a sex drive but no release or anyone to play with.***

Life's not perfect, be grateful for what you have. Give him a big hug, snuggle up and tell him you love him dearly and see what happens. Many would love to be in your shoes, lack of sex drive and all...

***this is just a hypothetical mind you... I'm not in anyway talkin' about myself!

**Lenusik** · 08-31-2006, 08:52 AM

Cher,

If you are concerned about the pills, you may need to change it. I've been on OrthoTrycyclin Light for 2 years and never had any problems. Maybe this is something that may work for you as well. However, as I mentioned earlies, you need to talk and share with your BF. He will help.

Regards,
Lenusik

**BleeckerSt_Girl** · 08-31-2006, 10:05 AM

Originally Posted by bcipam

Put things in prespective... you could be 55, beauty and youth long past....

Hey, WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!

**cherinyc** · 08-31-2006, 01:01 PM

[QUOTE=bcipam]Cher...
Life's not perfect, be grateful for what you have. Give him a big hug, snuggle up and tell him you love him dearly and see what happens. Many would love to be in your shoes, lack of sex drive and all...

QUOTE]

the thing is, is that I am actually fine w/o having s--. I guess I just thought that something was wrong with me if I was okay w/o it.
And w/ regards to talking to bf about it, I brought it up - very timidly - a few months ago, and bf flippppppeeed out! I swear his poor little head got things so twisted around - I was just happy we made it through w/ out breaking up - and that was from me doing everything I could think of to calm him down. He got REALLY REALLY defensive - said I was calling him a bad person, etc etc. It was nuts.
I don't think we've had s-- since, and I am too afraid to bring it up.
Other than that though - we don't really fight. I know what his....fragile areas are - he's on the anal side, but he knows it, and tries to keep it at bay.
Still....I really hate fighting. Me and Ex were lucky to go 2 days w/o a fight, and that was rare.

Thread: 'sigh' Sex talk - need advice

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