Quote Originally Posted by Biciclista View Post
I'm sorry if you felt judged by what we have said. The fact is, my marriage went through some very rough times, including separations.
But one day we looked at each other and realized we were starting to go through the motions. We loved each other too much to watch our marriage go down the tubes. So the both of us (and that's the key, it takes TWO people
to make a marriage work) sat down and scheduled an entire year of weekends, one a month, which would be OUR time. We scheduled hikes, movies, ferry rides, bike rides, all sorts of things that we would do together, our time. It brought joy and romance back into our marriage. and, in fact,
I actually started riding my bike seriously because I realized that my DH and I didn't have any activities any longer that we both liked to do. AND NOW LOOK AT US!

The originator of this thread asked us what worked for us, and this is what worked for me.
Such great advice! Mimi and Irulan - I love hearing about how you make/have made your marriages work. Such wisdom...

Although I am divorced I do not consider that relationship a failure. For me it was a vast learning experience and I would never have learned who I am or what I need from a relationship if it hadn't been for those 13 years.

To quote Dr. Phil "if the cost of being in a relationship is more than the cost of being yourself, than the cost is too much."

I learned to not give up "me" in a relationship. Compromise yes, but not at the cost of changing who I am. Resentment can build at an amazing pace.

It does take two people to make a relationship work but it only takes one person to tear it apart. If the other person wants out and is not willing to try, there is nothing you can do to change that other person. You just have to take care of yourself.

You have to be happy with who you are. You can not rely on someone else to make you happy.

Echoing the others...people are not mind readers. You have to be able to communicate.

Mistakes happen. Do not keep bringing up your partners mistakes in the present. You have to learn to forgive and LET GO.

I've been divorced for 3 years now. I'm happy with who I am and where I'm at and I'm not sure I'm ready to be in a relationship yet or ever. Maybe it's just what Geonz (Sue) said

Dar