Going out with the gals

[shootingstar]

How often do you get together with 2-or more, other good female friends? I don't mean work colleagues, whom you may not feel close at all nor want to share much personal stuff / history.

Whenever I see a bunch of women dressed up (foreign to my way of socializing with good female friends) or gaggle of women chatting it up at a restaurant, I just wonder about my own chick-women socialization patterns.

I tend to socialize with good female friends, one-to-one. I"ve been like this for past 2 decades. It's part preference, partially because each friend is different, and partially because it depends on personal schedules and place for us to meet up.

One thing for certain, I don't have meet-ups like the gals in "Sex in the City". But some women do that in real life. I see them in our area.

How about you?

[Crankin]

I don't like these types of gathering, either, ShootingStar, but you and I seem to be the odd woman out on some of these things. I occasionally go out with one friend or another for lunch or coffee, but that's about it. My free time is spent riding or doing some other type of sports stuff, sometimes alone or with a friend, but mostly with DH or us two and another couple. The older I get, the less time I spend doing the type of thing you describe. Funny, a friend of mine (who I am trying to disengage from, after 20 years) sent me an email about having a "girls night" out to see the new Sex and the City movie. The whole thing made me say to myself, are we sixteen? Now, I wouldn't mind sitting down and spending some fun time with a group of women cyclists... we'd be talking about stuff I'm interested in! And I don't mind getting dressed up, either.
I used to go out regularly with the other moms in my play group, once a month for dinner, many moons ago. This was mostly an escape for them; I was the only one who worked. It was a nice break from reality for me, when my days were filled with 2 toddlers and teaching high school kids. Of course, this is when i did my exercise at 5 AM, so it didn't interfere with my family. Now I feel like I don't need that kind of escape.

[Biciclista]

Unfortunately, I don't have any girlfriends in Seattle. ok, maybe 1...
sad, they all moved away. I have girlfriends in Oregon, Arkansas, Florida and Georgia..

[solobiker]

I am not one to do that at all. I don't have a lot of female friends and the ones I do have we prefer to go out and hike, climb, bike etc for our socialization. We don't get together too much except a mtn bike ride, backpacking and backcountry skiing. I can't even tell you the last time I dressed up to go out. Going out to eat, to the movies..etc is not my idea of a fun time.

[softthings]

i don't go out with girls hardly at all. i work with a bunch since i work in a salon, so, i get enough "girl time" there. i hang with my boyfriend mostly, and we hang with a married couple when we do go out with others. me and the lady of the couple are friends, we don't talk on the phone or anything. i cut her hair. we ride together. the town i live in now is small and i don't feel the need to get dressed up to go out. plus, i have to dress up for work, so, i am pretty "over it" by the time i get off. i would prefer a career change that i don't have to get dressed up for at all. hah!

[PamNY]

I don't know what happened in "Sex and the City" so I can't comment on that.

I never have understood or participated much in gender-based socializing, and getting dressed up or not is irrelevant. How I dress would depend on my mood and where I'm going.

In general, I find groups of women oppressive. I think what is a genuine desire for sharing in other people translates into forced conformity in my mind. Neither good nor bad, just different.

As I get older, I'm more oriented toward friends who share a special interest, and toward one-on-one socializing regardless of gender.

I had an unusually large loss of friends (two died and two moved away) a few years ago and while that was hard, it also gave me a chance to look at what I really want out of friendships.

[BikeDutchess]

I get together with 2 good friends (sisters) once a month. I work from home full-time so I'm a bit of a hermit, and it's really nice to look forward to getting out of my cave at least once a month for some social contact. I never watch Sex in the City (tried one time and thought it was an annoying show) so that comparison is meaningless to me. We just go for drinks after work. No dressing up either. Unless you count getting out of my sweats as dressing up.

[Crankin]

You said exactly what I feel, Pam. I find large groups of women to be oppressive, too. But, I don't want to sound sexist. A large group of women cyclists (or runners, etc) wouldn't feel the same way to me, because we would share a common interest.
I don't know what happened in Sex and the City, either. I have never seen it. But my friend assumed that since it is a "chick" film, I would be interested and i.e., wouldn't be going to see it with my husband. I never go to movies, anyway, and find that I can hardly sit and watch the 2 movies a month we get from Netflix. I just feel that I have outgrown my need to socialize that way. I enjoy going out a lot, but who I socialize with is pretty much determined by my interests and the few non-athletic friends I have had for years get me in limited doses! I definitely am not anti-social, but I am very picky in who I spend my time with.
I sometimes cringe when I am at a restaurant, looking forward to a nice dinner with my DH or friends and we are seated next to a large group of hysterically laughing (and usually drunk) women. That doesn't sound nice, I know, and I don't want to perpetuate any stereotypes, so I guess I'd better stop here.

[shootingstar]

I don't consider or would suggest to go out for drinks for a social meet-up...it would be laughable coming from me, especially when I get drunk so fast on a 1/4 glass of wine or less.

I have grown up with 4 sisters and 1 brother.
I have been for several decades part of a female dominant profession..it's been proven by several international surveys amongst professional assoc. I've been member of, that librarians comprise of 80% females.

So it was probably healthy for "balance" for me to work a large part of my career in male dominant organizations.

So I truly don't think I'm lacking in my womanly identity and in social group culture settings where women hang out. I like fashion, but can't afford much right now but don't want to go on clothes shopping expeditions. (I can't IMAGINE that. I didn't even go clothes shopping much with any of my sisters.) And me, plus all sisters sew, so we like clothing, fashion.

I like chatting up with individuals about stuff..with some depth. It's time better spent. In groups of people that like to continously joke and have fun, it's just not the place to do it much at all.

And how many people actually discuss their love life..to a group of other close women friends?? I couldn't. It amazes me, but some women (or men) do. And yes, Pam, Crankin, that enforces group think/group response to the terrific/horrific stories of one's life at the table.

[marni]

I much prefer a small time to talk or be together with one or two times irrespective of gender. Since I a a biker as well as a hand weaver and hand spinner, when I get up with other spinners and weavers, we are usually either talking fiber arts or spinning and or weaving. I like hanging with other riders for the same reason.

marni

[artifactos]

When I spend time with my two close female friends, it is usually one-on-one time talking about life. We don't get to catch up that often, and I lived 500 miles away for 18 months, so time with them is precious and conversation includes topics sometimes uncomfortable in public places. We are all also financially under the weather, so going out and paying for dinner + drinks when we could just drink soda and eat popcorn and chat on the balcony at home seems ridiculous.

[Bike Chick]

I have one close female friend that I go to dinner with every few months. We have been friends for almost 30 years. We have raised our kids together and we have been there for each other through many of life's tragedies. Her husband suffered an aneurysm 5 years ago and is paralyzed from the neck down. She is carrying a pretty hefty burden right now and it's a genuine effort to get a couple hours to herself in the evenings. We make the most of it and go somewhere nice and quiet to catch up.

I also have a half dozen friends that I enjoy going to quilting and sewing shows with but as far as getting dressed up and going out on the town with the girls, I never did do that and certainly don't plan to start now.

Funny you brought this subject up. I walked into the locker room at the gym this week and had to walk around a group of women getting ready for water aerobics class carrying on about their bathing suits and the fit and their hair and their nails, and on and on (I think you get the picture). It all seemed so frivilous and shallow to me. I can't explain why I felt the way I did but I told DH later that I must be getting old because I just couldn't relate to any of that. Now if they had been discussing lap times, 5k runs or bicycle components, I would've been more than interested in what they were discussing.

[Crankin]

You know, Bike Chick, your example from the locker room makes me think that I must be confusing to people (I often have that same reaction to what you experienced). I love fashion, I like having my nails done, and I like to get dressed up, too. But... I love getting sweaty and dirty, never minded peeing in the woods, and when I was a kid, I spent a large amount of time leading the boys in my neighborhood around, playing soldier . Even though I like some traditionally feminine things, I've never been a girly-girl.
I've often made the comment that when I am in large groups, in social settings, I usually end up talking to the men, unless there are women who are into riding, etc., there. I think some of this is because, even at this stage of my life, the women are *still* bragging about what their kids are doing. Last summer, I was getting a pedicure at one of those small little shops you see in strip malls, no fancy spa. In walks this woman who has kids the same age as mine. They weren't friends, really, but went to religious school and high school together. I tried to hide behind a magazine, but she came up to me and started in, asking if I knew that "*her son* was married, her daughter was getting her Master's at Julliard?" I squelched the strong urge to reply that my son was off interrogating Iraquis and the other one actually was happy with his B.A. and wasn't in grad school.

[Bike Chick]

I understand Crank. Some people don't have their own identitfy and use their children's (or grandchildren's) accomplishments for their own validation. Sad for them and hard to listen to! Gag!

I, like you and I'm sure many others on here, am not a girlie girl either. I like dressing up, getting my hair and nails done, being feminine but I enjoy cycling, running and swimming too and don't mind getting sweaty, messing up my hair with a bike helmet, going without makeup or peeing in the woods. I feel bad categorizing women but what I would consider a girlie girl is what I picture when I read Shootingstar's post. That's fine for them but I have a hard time relating to them. I didn't fit into that group in high school, don't now and never will.

I ride with the guys and last summer 2 coworkers and I would meet at the office early and get a 25 mile ride in before work 2-3 times a week. One of them told me he liked riding with me because it wasn't like riding with a chick and that I was one of the guys. I asked him what that meant and he said he couldn't put it into words but it was a compliment. FWIW, his wife is a girlie girl.

Oh and for the record, I am a Sex and The City fan. I loved the show, watch all the reruns and have seen the movie. They are strong characters and I enjoy the humor.

[Tuckervill]

I tried to hide behind a magazine, but she came up to me and started in, asking if I knew that "*her son* was married, her daughter was getting her Master's at Julliard?" I squelched the strong urge to reply that my son was off interrogating Iraquis and the other one actually was happy with his B.A. and wasn't in grad school.

I don't understand why you would take it as a competitive challenge that she tells you about the success of her children. She's just catching up with you, on the most general topics she can think of. Rather than show that you are satisfied and content with what your children are doing, you chose not to share anything. That makes me think that you think your children can't compare to hers, and that's just buying into the BS that you hate so much.

If you really don't want to participate in the Successful Child Olympics, just express your happiness for her happiness, and let it go. It's not a challenge or a threat to me when other people are successful. If they feel they've won something over on me because my kids don't "measure up" in their eyes, that's their problem, not mine.

Karen