Athlete favouritism

[spindizzy]

I have had a coach for the past 4 years. We get along well. I see him about 3-4 times a year for testing and occasionally see him at Cross Fit. My husband refers to him and he sends people to my husband for PT.

He has a website where he lists athlete's races. No name- just age group and times and age-group finish standing. He did not acknowledge one of my races on this site. I did 5 dus and 2- 5k races and a century ride. I mentioned it in an e-mail and he said it was an oversight.

This past Sunday, there was an awards banquet held for age group winners for tri's and du's. I finished 2nd in my age group. There was also another triathlete whom he co-sponsors who was first in her age group in this series and who recently completed her first Ironman. And whom he sat with.

His website congratulates her and another male triathlete he co-sponsors. And I'm thinking to myself..what's up?

So then I get into this debate with myself. My ego is strong enough to handle this. Then I think that he should treat all of his athletes equally and share in everyone's accomplishments whether it is finishing a race, a PB, whatever. And then I feel quite irate.

My inclination is to tell him that I am annoyed with his favouritism. But there is a part of me that thinks bringing this up is so egotistical and self-serving. And what will it do to the coaching relationship? It's a real psychological dilemma for me.

Any thoughts?

I'm going down to ride the trainer for awhile to see if it helps me put this into perspective.

[spindizzy]

Nothing like a good ride on the trainer to put things into perspective.

It's really not that important to me. I do feel snubbed, but I'm getting over it. In the big scheme of things, it's pretty minor. I know how well I did - that's what is important.

[Tri Girl]

I'm glad you're OK with it. I might feel snubbed, too- but in the end only you can truly appreciate your own accomplishments and be proud of you (although it IS nice to be recognized once in a while).
I know that WE are all proud of you and what you've accomplished!!

[shootingstar]

Nothing like a good ride on the trainer to put things into perspective.

It's really not that important to me. I do feel snubbed, but I'm getting over it. In the big scheme of things, it's pretty minor. I know how well I did - that's what is important.

True in the end, it's only you that your accomplishments matter.

As for your coach/trainer: Ok, he's a coach/trainer and he gets paid? He runs a business then. He is not really running it as a top performing coach, which truly does mean inspiring and motivating all his clients. It means crediting all the people whom he serves.

Think of yourself to him, as a client. Your hubby is ..probably your real unpaid, top coach (maybe not as expert).

That's what a real inspiring teacher/coach is....every student feels accomplished and motivated often and into the future. That is teaching excellence.

Wouldn't expect that he would acknowledge 2nd finisher unless he acknowledges 3rd finisher, etc. And his website, it would be cool for everyone if there were names. If he says it's too much effort, tell him that for the annual run in Vancouver, they publish names for over 40,000 participants and their individual run times in the newspaper. (I think it's over 10 kms., 15 kms. I don't jog..)

Perhaps hubby can talk up this suggestion in his own way to this coach.
But yes, how you feel about yourself is the most important thing of all for your own well-being.

[Eden]

You also mentioned that both people that he has made special note their accomplishments are sponsored athletes. It is a different relationship to the one you have with him.

[lph]

It's hard to tell from the outside if it's favouritism or sloppiness or neither. But you could ask yourself - if it wasn't you, but a friend or fellow athlete treated the same way, would it bother you? That might clear things up a little.

[kacie tri-ing]

That's irritating. My coach coaches DH and me. DH is very competitive, and I am not. I was very nervous that he would not enjoy coaching me as much as he does DH, but somehow I feel validated by my coach all of the time. It IS possible for him to reckognize you for your growth, even as a less competative athlete.

[spindizzy]

I'm glad you're OK with it. I might feel snubbed, too- but in the end only you can truly appreciate your own accomplishments and be proud of you (although it IS nice to be recognized once in a while).
I know that WE are all proud of you and what you've accomplished!!

Thanks Tri-girl!!! (and my TE sisters and brothers) You really are the BEST!!

Eden- Yes, admitted he does have a different relationship with his two co-sponsored athletes. An I imagine he "brags" about them in order to perhaps acquire some other talented athletes. Ah, but does he realize that us age-groupers are his bread and butter? We, in fact are helping pay for those sponsored athletes.

He has a section on (in?) his website "At the Races" where he places results of his athletes..which I did point out was missing every one of my 2009 results, yet many of his other athletes (age-groupers like myself) accomplishments were listed. Perhaps it is sloppiness; maybe it has to do with his ego. Is he is trying to use psychological tactics to get me to try harder....who knows?

He's a good coach.. so I guess I'll have to put up with his idiosyncrasies.

And there is always karma. Yes, there is always karma.